[LastQuestion]

Part of it is the change in season, but mostly it's chronic stress. My roomates have consistently disturbed my sleep for the past year and it's been a very difficult year with unprecedented levels of stress. I'm tired, I'm spiking into irritable hypo in response to stress and sleep disturbances. I've begun to have diarrhea, constipation, and gas due to all the stress. I've asked for their consideration multiple times throughout this period of time to little avail. I don't have anywhere else I could go. I'm tired of trying so hard and believe I'll soon just let go, cease my constant efforts to moderate my behaviors - doing what I must rather than what is felt. To let things glide, no one at the controls; I think that if I did this I would find some relief. I could be relaxed, if only for a time, even if the time was spent murdering the people associated with the constant antagonism I experience every day and every night.

I would not be worried if all of this was new, a change from some baseline, but it's been building up, wearing down my ability to cope, physically, psychologically; mind and body altered by the experience into something ready to do violence. Worse yet, I envision that once I've killed a few people why not keep going? Just work my way house to house until something ends it all.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry you're struggling with homocidal thoughts. Is there any way you can sound proof your room? You really nod to talk to your t or pdoc about this and look for other living arangments usually social services have a list of low rent apartments usually not the best area or kept up well but a place to lay your head.

[Crazy Hitch]

LastQuestion,

The living arrangements seem stressful indeed.

It's causing a lot of turmoil.

I am assuming at this point in time you are unable to move out due to circumstances? Otherwise after a year of feeling this way you would have moved out by now.

Please speak to your pdoc about your intrusive thoughts that you are thinking about in terms of harming people. I think your pdoc needs to know about your intrusive thoughts.

[Travelinglady]

By all means, please contact your doctor and/or your therapist. You definltely need a break. No killing people. If you really have to, then see about checking into different living arrangements, even if that requires being in a mental ward for a few days. There a social worker can help you look for different options.

We are here for you. Get away to a library, a park, or someplace quiet when you are ready to explode.

My thoughts, anyway.