[Trav1985]

I'm 29 years old, and I've been living bipolar since 2007 when I was diagnosed, however that's when I tried to commit suicide. I had been living with it longer then that. I lived a very troublesome childhood and feel like that's why I'm bipolar. My dad was schizophrenic so perhaps not. I've had a councillor for the past 5 years, and medication doesn't do a lot for me. It just makes me feel emotionless. I used to have a combination of ups and downs, or manias. However the older I get the fewer I see the ups. I feel the negative side to my illness so often now, and it's becoming unbearable. I have 3 kids and and I'm dating their mother, and almost everyday I think about leaving her and my kids they will all be better off. I'm so lost and lifeless nothing is enjoyable and I don't want to live like this anymore.

[CANDC]

Hi Trav1985, I am sorry you are suffering deeply, but I strongly disagree with your presumption that your lady and her children will be better without you. The children I know of that have experienced suicide have been profoundly affected in the most negative way. It is something they may not get over in their entire life. Rather than freeing them, you may be burdening them with more than they can handle.

You said in another post you have a counselor that you can talk to about anything. This is a very emotional topic which needs to be discussed with him. You said he is like a father to you.

If for some reason you can't talk to him, you really sound like you need a safety plan in case these thoughts become more compelling. A safety plan includes hotline numbers.
Suicide Safety Plans | Channel N

Sorry you are not feeling like one med you tried makes you zombie like. Some people take meds because it is a matter of keeping stable. If they have a problem with side affects they talk to their psychiatrist and ask to try another medication or modify the dosage. If that is a deadend, then try to get a second opinion.

[Turtlesoup]

Welcome Trav-sorry you're going through such a rough time. This forum is very supportive & there is tons of good information on here & it's a great place to vent if you need to. Sometimes it takes a lot of patience & trial & error to get the med thing right-you should not feel emotionless on them. I'm glad you have a counselor-perhaps they could refer you to some support groups in your area-I have found that to be helpful at times. If you feel you're not getting anywhere with your pdoc you might want to see a different one-that takes a lot of trial & error too but if you can get a good team that is committed to helping you that would probably make you feel much more supported. Please take care & let us know how you are doing

[awillz12]

Hi Trav, I am so sorry you are feeling that way. I do not feel that suicide is the answer though. I have intimate experiences with suicide, my high school best friend killed himself my senior year and both of my sisters have attempted suicide. It is devastating to your loved ones and I guarantee that your 3 children love you immensely.

This forum has a lot of support but I also think talking to your counselor would be a good idea as well. I am so sorry you are suffering like this but please take care of yourself and keep posting on this forum so we know how you're doing

[Crazy Hitch]

(((Trav1985)))

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling.

This does happen.

And relationship interactions with our significant others play a role just in general to how we feel; yet alone if we experience depression from our MI.

I can understand when you say you don't want to live like this anymore.

I don't think that anyone would really, to be honest.

CANDC has given you a good suggestion to have a hotline number as a safety measure - I agree with that.

And remember that we are always here to listen to you too.

Feel free to talk to us anytime.



Hang in there.

please please don't give up. the darkness most certainly doesn't last forever, and you WILL feel happy again and get out of this dark time.

Originally Posted by Trav1985

I'm 29 years old, and I've been living bipolar since 2007 when I was diagnosed, however that's when I tried to commit suicide. I had been living with it longer then that. I lived a very troublesome childhood and feel like that's why I'm bipolar. My dad was schizophrenic so perhaps not. I've had a councillor for the past 5 years, and medication doesn't do a lot for me. It just makes me feel emotionless. I used to have a combination of ups and downs, or manias. However the older I get the fewer I see the ups. I feel the negative side to my illness so often now, and it's becoming unbearable. I have 3 kids and and I'm dating their mother, and almost everyday I think about leaving her and my kids they will all be better off. I'm so lost and lifeless nothing is enjoyable and I don't want to live like this anymore.

Say babe, this illness lies! Don't listen to it! Leaving is the worst thing that you can do. Seek treatment and everything just might most likely get better. It's not about you as I've learned, it's about them. Only reason I take meds is for everyone else. Don't let the illness win, pleeeeeease!