[Clinte89]

Hello all. It's been a while since I've posted here. I got married a while ago not to long it's 7 months I love her to death and we have had a rocky start. I find myself not being there for her like she needs me to be. I would like some advice on maybe how to let her know I love her and that she is beautiful. I've had problems with this in relationships but since she also has issues it can be difficult to get the message across. Any ideas?

[Gray Rider]

maybe go out to dinner, break up the routine
do something nice for her

[Trav1985]

Gou out and buy some roses and when she's out doing something pluck some pedals off the roses and make paths threw your house or apartment starting at the front door. Have candles lot threw out. Maybe have one of the paths lead to the kitchen table where she will see a dinner you prepared her. If she likes wine have a glass of that too. Have another path lead to the bathroom where you and her can have a candle lit bath. And another path lead to the bedroom have some chocolate fondue and strawberries waiting on the bed. Be sure to have rose pedals around the entire bed and some even on it

[Clinte89]

That's not a bad idea. Thanks for the advice. I'll give it a try.

Hey Clinte, good to see you and hear you are doing well!

Well, this is one I can answer! From personal perspective, it can be little things that make a big difference. The little clues that show someone they are important to you, and special.

* Look at her when she is speaking and when you are speaking together. Give undivided attention and show interest.

* When she comes home, or any time you meet, let your face show that you are glad to see her. Smile, hug, kiss, whatever works for you two.

* When she vents about something, or is upset, she may just want a nice reassuring hug. It can convey a lot, even without speaking -- that it will be ok, that someone cares. You can go ahead and talk of course too, but don't be too quick to try to "solve" (or tell her what she should be doing!). You can inquire if there is any way you can help. She will let you know if there is. The majority of the time, it's looking to be heard, and for reassurance/comfort, not answers.

* Be playful. Things like...Nuzzle up in the kitchen, put your arms around her, smile and give her a little squeeze. Apropos of nothing. Out of the blue. I think it's safe to say that the wild majority are going to find the spontaneity very endearing. It makes someone feel special too -- other people don't get that special treatment, just her.

* Do things without being prompted. Tell you you love her etc. first. In other words, don't fall into a habit or waiting until she says something, then just echoing. Initiate.

* This can also apply to things that need to be done. I don't know your household arrangements, but maybe it is something like doing the dishes, or tidying up a mess without having it pointed out. Maybe she is out running errands. It is such a good feeling if you come home tired and hungry to find a meal made (or prepped and ready to go, if arrival time unknown or depending on kind of food).

* Do something she likes, but you don't particularly care to do -- without bemoaning it.

* Every so often, comment positively and randomly about something physical that isn't an issue area. Soft lips, adorable ears, like that. Not saying you necessarily have to limit it, just be aware and show consideration for issue zones --if she has any. Most women do. Don't ignore an area she may feel insecure about, but don't be overly focused on or make a big deal about it either. These kind of things come with the usual caveats of course. A no-go is a no-go. Respect.

I could go on…. But that's probably enough for now.
If you wonder why on any of them, go ahead and ask, I'm happy to say why!
These are for general use as well of course, but I can relate to having issues and some of this is specific to avoiding triggering. Especially the last, of course, and I'd be happy to tell you why the do and not do of it.

Damn, now if I only had a printer… I know someone who could use a few reminders….

Sweet ideas. I have never experienced anyone doing anything except bringing me flowers.

She will be very happy, I think.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi Clinte89

It's good that you are back.

Yes, Bipolar certainly can present some challenges.

But with a bit of open mindness and a willingness to learn, we can grow.

Education is really powerful.

Explain to your lovely wife what this is like.

I know it's hard.

And you probably have been.

But remember she's also seeing a lot of your "symptoms" which can be very difficult for those who love us.

Communication that is honest is key.

Hang in there.

[scatterbrained04]

Innerzone said everything I was going to say lol

Also, I would suggest reading a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman if you have never read it. It's about how different people express love. I think it could really help you here. If you can identify what "type" she is, it will help you see what things she needs to feel loved.

Scatterbrained, that is a great suggestion! The concept is simple, but it can be really enlightening.

(There's stuff online about it too. I'd toss a couple of links, but I'm not adept enough on phone, and the laptop is WAY over there, about 15' away. Yeah, today's off to *that* kind of start...)