[tentoedsloth]

Is this a bipolar thing?

I've even moved 7 times in the past 7 years. I go from loner to joiner with lots of friends, secular humanist to mainline Protestant, a big reader to someone who hardly ever picks up a book, and the same with watching TV... when I worked, I generally quit after about a year and found something else.

After another 3 months or so, I change back. The pattern repeats.

These changes come every 2 or 3 months to a year or more. I'm not doing it for fun; the old choice seems like a major mistake, and the new one seems to promise to be my real, best life.

(diagnosed bipolar)

[Iamalioness]

I don't know if it's a bipolar thing or not, but it sure sounds familiar to me! As my moods change so do my dreams for the future, where I want to live, whether I want to work or not, how I feel about people close to me, etc. I also can't seem to stay in one place for very long.

[Blue_Bird]

I've read somewhere that it's more of a BPD thing (Borderline Personality Disorder) Vastly changing what you want to do in your life constantly and having identity crisis type situations often

[jstedt]

Agree with Blue_Bird; this really sounds like a Borderline trait more than a Bipolar trait.

Borderlines who fulfill that criteria, though, might change even more rapidly. They can change the view of themselves and their identity on a daily basis if they're really hardcore.

[Homeira]

Have you gone through any sort of theraphy to find out if there are some underlying issues for this? It might be useful to explore that side of it as well. Despite of a diagnosis being correct or not, and going into a treatment plan for that diagnosis, there might still be underlying issues that makes this constant changing stronger.
Good luck to you in solving this issue!

[tentoedsloth]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. You've given me things to think about. I've wondered if this is BPD too.

But yeah, these states or lifestyles or whatever do last a long time. They are also, as far as I remember, never changed because of any big blow-ups with people.

Maybe this is important: when I go into social mode, it's actually kind of hyper-social. I'm loving everybody, believing I'm an excellent person, joining many things, volunteering for many things--I get overcommitted. So maybe this is hypomania?

But then it also sounds a lot like hypomania when I quit it all and believe I can be really happy without people. I don't need them, or so the thoughts I remember go. And I feel ecstatic about that realization.

Then I get really unhappy about whichever choice I've made, until--Pop! Of course! I've been living the wrong way, for me! Changing to the right way will fix everything!

(sigh)

[tentoedsloth]

And I'm really happy to be able to say this to people who won't assume I'm crazy or don't care about people or am just "spoiled." I've never told anyone about this before.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I've done this a ton but always just put it off as me going through phases. I've changed A LOT!

[cashart10]

I get hyper focused on various things when manic. It has been everything from the gay pride movement to the extremely conservative republican party to extremely charismatic christian. I have become extremely obsessed with people to the point that I will cry over them. Sometimes they are people in my real life, sometimes celebrities like Mary Tyler Moore or Molly Shannon. I would watch episodes of their shows and cry because I felt such intense passion to be a part of them. Crazy stuff. I don't have borderline traits. I just have Bipolar I, GAD, and possibly some (undiagnosed) OCD traits.

[jacky8807]

yeah sometimes when im hypo im the life of the party and think the whole world is thinking about me because im just so special lol
then ill get depressed and isolate and want nothing to do with the world and the world wants nothing to do with me
I also get obsessions and fixations and research all night after night or get into mad scientist mode and think I should become a physics professor and it just all makes sense
(in real life I could barley pass chemistry...its just not my thing)

[Sinking Feeling]

I go thru the same thing, and also not staying with any one for too long or completing it. This cab be BP and BPD or both too! I definitely have some BPD ttraits, just not enough to be diagnosed with it. My last therapist told me no way am I BPD because he likes me, lol. From what I have read from this site they have a whole section about the differences between BP and BPD. One of the main differences is BPD that is their baseline, they are always in this state, where as BP, the states last longer and are more defined then BPD. It's hard for even professionals to tell them apart some times. A BP2 or BP1 with mixed episodes could appear as a BPD or visa versa. Another main difference is BPD is pretty much how they are everyday, that is their baseline. Our baseline changes, and we also have normal periods too. I would read up on this it's very interesting! Some call BPD, BP-Lite But that is of course unofficial and not what any pdoc would ever say.

That's why BPD is a personality disorder and BP is a mood disorder. Both are effect with mood swings but for different reasons.

Originally Posted by tentoedsloth

...But then it also sounds a lot like hypomania when I quit it all and believe I can be really happy without people. I don't need them, or so the thoughts I remember go. And I feel ecstatic about that realization.

Then I get really unhappy about whichever choice I've made, until--Pop! Of course! I've been living the wrong way, for me! Changing to the right way will fix everything!(sigh)

Relate? To some of what you describe, yes. To this part, (and to some others) no. I'm really not much of a goal oriented person, life-wise. I basically got derailed at the point where the bipolar started in earnest (20). I didn't really know anything of BP and went undiagnosed for many years afterwards, so it wasn't like, "Oh no! I've got BP, I give up!" Lol. It's just the way it went.

My sociability goes in syncronicity with my state. Up= uncharacteristically sociable. For instance, I'll yap like old pals with people I normally don't even like at all(!) Heck, I'll talk to anyone and everyone! (More like talk at them really really fast with no verbal "gatekeeper" while talking about different things all at once. "Normal" spans = very shy and not very adept at social interaction, but no particular feeling of pressure to be sociable, nor to hide in a cave. Depressed = totally socially isolate.

Religion. Went through some uncharacteristic spans
there, yup. No comment. One real WTH one in particular I prefer to think of as having "infiltrated" for observation and study. True enough. But not 100% Full disclosure.

Work. Well, jobs. 39 I can remember. Got bored, quit if on verge of being fired, butted heads, moved etc.

Moving. Somewhere in the 25 - 30x range. Including major distances and like 6 cross country. One involved saying out of the blue, "let's sell the house <a dump we could barely afford> and move to xyz! Xyz was 3,000 miles away and we'd never even visited it(!) It seemed so reasonable! Sound a wee bit manic-y? High correlation with the big moves, that mode, yup.

I don't really think in terms of making disconnection, not needing people, true calling or whatever. Something will latch onto my mind and off I go! When I go out of it, it'll usually just be a matter of my disappearing "thanks" to depression. No sense of some sort of triumph, purpose or even intention.

[tentoedsloth]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

yeah sometimes when im hypo im the life of the party and think the whole world is thinking about me because im just so special lol
then ill get depressed and isolate and want nothing to do with the world and the world wants nothing to do with me
I also get obsessions and fixations and research all night after night or get into mad scientist mode and think I should become a physics professor and it just all makes sense
(in real life I could barley pass chemistry...its just not my thing)

Jacky, I'm so glad you said that. I get into "mad researcher" mode fairly often. I've been spending far too much time reading about bipolar disorder and bpd--dozens of websites, some books... this happens with many of my intense interests. It's extremely difficult to peel myself away. But it will only last a few weeks.

[tentoedsloth]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I get hyper focused on various things when manic. ...
I don't have borderline traits. I just have Bipolar I, GAD, and possibly some (undiagnosed) OCD traits.

Thank you for telling about that. "Hyper focus" sounds like some of the things I've been going through. Maybe I just overdo, for instance the sociability, and get overwhelmed, so I feel a strong need to quit.

I'm feeling better about my diagnosis.

[tentoedsloth]

Originally Posted by Sinking Feeling

I go thru the same thing, and also not staying with any one for too long or completing it. ...
One of the main differences is BPD that is their baseline, they are always in this state, where as BP, the states last longer and are more defined then BPD .

Thanks for this. You've reminded me about some things I've read.

I stay in one of these modes, such as very social, for months. That sounds more like a bipolar thing, I think.

[tentoedsloth]

Hmm. Maybe it's not good to reply to every thoughtful post--takes up a lot of space, keeps putting my thread at the top of the list, etc.

Innerzone, thank you for taking the time to write all that you did. You understand changeability. I hope it doesn't cause you the pain and regret that mine does sometimes. We're doing our best and I, anyway, need to not despise myself.

I tend to try to keep any new friendships from getting too deep, because of the possibility of letting the person down in a few months.

I'm looking for a way to not do that. It would sound easy to anyone who doesn't have this problem. It isn't. But I have some ideas.

Anyway, thanks to everyone. I'm getting a better idea of what's going on, and when you know the problem, that's a start.