[ChaoticSymphony]

Ever since spring hit (and hit again, good old Canada) my thoughts have been either really positive or really negative, no middle ground. I don't believe I have bipolar but there's definitely some sort of mood or thought disorder going on. I don't have bpd either which I thought maybe I had for many years, but I'm missing some key ingredients on that one as well. I'm just me I've come to the conclusion, a woman with ups and downs who has a horrible grasp on coping skills.

Anyways, got off topic there, I'm here to ask how you guys stop the thoughts of utter hate for yourself? It seems lately I've been on quite the self destructive rampage. From drinking heavily to three suicide attempts to hating myself and feeling so much rage and shame against myself then to be the funniest person ever and laughing and joking around and feeling genuine bliss and content with myself only to repeat and cycle once again. There's no cause for my changed thoughts, they just come out of nowhere and its baffling to say the least.

Can anyone help me change this?

[Harley326]

I don't know your full situation and I'm not really an expert on the subject, but I can let you know what helps me when I get "mini episodes".

Distracting myself is key. I know, sometimes that's easier said than done, but try to find something that takes your full concentration. Personally, when I get depressed I get long hot showers in the dark with tons of candles lit and music playing. Let the hot water and your favorite scents wash over you and try to forget the world for a little while.

When I get thoughts that I don't want I start counting in my head. Picture the numbers as completely as possible in your mind and "scream" them and if the thoughts start coming back again, start over at one. Keep this up for a little while until you start feeling like the thoughts aren't in control of you.

The mania and anger, are the hardest for me to fight. I blare music that matches my mood or the mood that I want to get into - with headphones if there are other people around - and get lost in the sound and lyrics. This last piece of advice is probably the most controversial within my own mind. I go for a drive and just get away from everyone so that I won't say/do something I'll regret. Doesn't really sound that controversial, but depending on the severity of my mood, I'm really not sure if driving is the best solution. Sometimes I'll go for a walk instead.

If you like crosswords or coloring or word searches or Sudoku, do that. Find a place that you can go and not be disturbed and do exactly what you want to do. Set aside a time that works for you and just do your thing. These are my coping mechanisms, yours may be different. This is just what I've found works best for me. It may take a little while to find that "perfect" solution, not everything that you think is going to work is going to work. That's okay. Sometimes the thing that worked last time, isn't going to work this time. Trial and error will give you a list that you can go to and put into action when crap feels like it can't get any worse.

I hope I helped give you some ideas to try out. Good luck.