[Johnnygaga]

Hello. My name is John and I'm 28. I know very little about bipolar disorder even though I have been diagnosed as bipolar depressive but that's another problem.
I'll try to summarize my lengthy journey to the discovery of my diagnosis.
Up until around 3 years ago I only had a diagnosis of depression and social anxiety. I'd say I was worlds more stable and not experiencing anything manic. Then I was diagnosed with stage 2 oral cancer. That day the life I knew was gone forever and I had no idea what was ahead.
After having part of my tongue removed and nodes taken from my neck I was ok. Shaken but ok. Then came the radiation that made it impossible for me to speak or eat for 6 months. I was abandoned by everyone I had called friend and completely and totally isolated from the world.
Then, once I could talk I thought I had dealt with all the feelings and emotions and I couldn't have been further from wrong. I started acting out in ways that got me arrested and hurt my mother, the only person who has cared about me always no matter what.
The third time I got arrested I knew something was wrong and it was beyond anything I could fix or my mom could help me with.
I was also drinking 1 medium sized bottle of vodka a night.
I sought out help and got my diagnosis.
I got paired with a therapist who I just couldn't gel with and didn't celebrate any of my achievements and didn't explain anything about the disorder which lead me to reading in circles on the Internet.
She also called me a drug addict because I've been on Xanax for years and panic when I run out because of the horrible and quick withdrawal.
Got a new therapist and I'm working on getting off Xanax for good with her but don't feel totally safe as what my insurance will pay for isn't a solid foundation but it's all I've got.
Right now I'm just left with what in assuming are the most asked questions.
Why do people assume me having an appropriate negative reaction means I'm being manic? Why do people think now that I've been given a label I'm suppose to be void of emotion?
And I feel like I've been more depressed now than I ever have in the past. I find myself wanting to watch a movie with my mom but not making the effort to go downstairs and just staying alone. Yet I'm perfectly fine at work and in fact look forward to it, even when it's a crap atmosphere.
I guess I just feel really alone.

[kaliope]

hi johnnygaga
i am sorry you have struggled so much without support. i think the answers to your questions involve just plain ignorance when it comes to mental illness, the stigma involved. people just arent educated when it comes to bipolar. they think anybody who goes from happy to angry is bipolar regardless of the situation. i get so tired of hearing that. i think bipolar is the most overused term of people who have no clue what it even is. they just want a place to blame/explain someone. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[sideblinded]

Johnnygaga, Hello and welcome to PC.

I agree with kaliope that bipolar gets diagnosed way before the appropriate diagnosis does. I was misdiagnosed with it. If I laughed with emotion, I was accused of being manic. I am sorry that you have been seriously ill but you are here and it is for a reason. We have some very supportive people here. Browse the numerous forums and keep reaching out.

If you need any help in navigating this site feel free to contact a community liaison or moderator. Best wishes here at PC.

[tentoedsloth]

On this site you'll be understood and valued.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Other people's judgments is one of the worst parts about this disorder. About 10 years ago bipolar was kind of a fad diagnosis. Everyone seemed to know (or be) someone with the diagnosis despite it not being THAT common. And somehow that qualified everyone to determine what is and isn't bipolar behavior. It also turned into people assuming they knew how to treat it; I actually had an assistant at work who told me that her cousin's brothers' father's uncle's pet ducks was bipolar and once he STARTED TAKING HIS LITHIUM CONSISTENTLY (her emphasis) he was fine. In the meantime I was taking lithium every day and not getting better which in her eyes meant it was my fault.

I've discovered that any time anyone does something repugnant on the internet, like pull of some web scam, everyone online it seems will start saying that person must be bipolar. Someone commits a hard to understand crime and "bipolar" in the eyes of many.

For some reason it is very hard for many people to accept that they don't know what they are talking about and that they don't know a herd of people with bipolar and therefore are probably not experts. I eventually got pretty adamant that if someone had a question about me they ask me and not assume they knew or that what they read online was right. Of course some people dismiss that as bipolar too but at some point there is a line and that is my line.