Memory/intelligence/Time issues

Both my long and short term memory are ruined. I don't remember things which I would have done 5-10 years ago.

I struggle to find words sometimes. I can be talking about a subject which I'm knowledgable on, but my mind will just go numb mid sentence. I have to struggle to think of what I've said, and what to say next. This is obviously pretty embarrassing if I'm talking with customers and trying to sell my product.

And time. I don't have any real concept of it anymore. I see time as just a big lump. I don't really see days as days or weeks as weeks, months as months etc. it's all just one big lump of time. I guess sleep deprivation doesn't help this.

Can anyone else relate to these things?

I can definitely relate to the memory thing. I have horrible memory.

My biggest frustration is the decline in my photographic memory. It was something I was so proud of and now it's just disappearing, I'm only 35. I forget words, I forget what I have talked about in conversations and to whom they were with. My sister brings up childhood memories, and I have no clue what she is talking about. I can't relate to the time issue, it must be so frustrating for you. This scares me so much because it just keeps getting worse and I don't think there is really anything I can do about it. I understand what you are going thru.

When I am sleep deprived my life is much the same and it can go on for months and months and it's all just a big blur. I'm usually depressed at the time too. Are you depressed? Also what meds are you on? I've had cognitive dulling from a number of meds including lithium propranolol topamax and a number of atypicals.

I find it terribly embarrassing if I'm with customers. God only knows what they must think. I try and regroup but sometimes the panic sets in and I'll just end up talking at a billion miles an hour. I do this quite a lot.

I never used to have. I wonder if we can ever restore the memory. I mean, we must all have a certain amount of storage/memory space, a bit like a computer, I guess. Does it go and never come back. Are we limited to what information we can store? Does what I'm saying make sense? I'd hate to think this is never going to get better, or even get worse!

I blame my cognition issues on clonazepam. (Though I've always had a bad memory and been an air head. Lol. It's just my bad spelling and name trouble recollecting I blame on it.)

I've been mainly up since Dec. I haven't slept for more than 4 hours in a night since September. It's not uncommon for me to go 3 days without sleep. I'm unmedicated. Awaiting pdoc appt.

I think this is where the time thing comes from. Everything is like a big, black ball of wool, but the wool is like time. I can't decipher which strands are from where. Does that make sense?

Toodles - I'm sure it won't get worse and is something that would return to normal if we got off our meds. I blame meds. (Unless you're not on any.)

Okay...you're not on anything. Sleep deprivation then.

I'm educated to Masters Degree level. I used to be a teacher. I have, or should I say, had a high IQ. I struggle to read a newspaper now. typing this paragraph has been a challenge lol

The air head made me laugh. I wish I had that excuse to fall back on.

It must be. I'm looking at another late one tonight. If it's not one thing, it's another ggrrrr. What are you doing with your evening?

toodles - I'm such an air head. I'm always losing everything - keys, bag, phone, lighter, item of clothing, beverage, remote, and all of this is about ten minutes after putting whatever item down! When my husband and I first started dating I asked him why those trees were painted white (and this was in the middle of winter, so it was snow. It took forever to live that one down! lol).

I think maybe I just have a lot on my mind all of the time.

Not doing much tonight. Do some writing stuff. Try not to have an anxiety/paranoia attack. You?

I lost my phone for the first time a couple of months ago. I'd left it in a shop. Lol @ the painted trees. Do you ever worry you'll wear your brain out with the constant overthinking? I feel a bit anxious. I think I've had constant low level anxiety for years, I'm used to it now. I'm not sure about paranoia, I'm pretty self conscious at times but I'm not sure about paranoid.

What do you write about? I used to devour books on a weekly basis but I haven't read a book in a few years now. I don't have the ability to concentrate for very long anymore.

It's just gone 1am here. A bit of sleep would be nice but it's not going to happen yet. I have work tomorrow. It's only for a few hours, but it's a nice distraction from being on my own at home.

YES
I was on the verge of getting checked for adhd because its very common for bipolar disorder to linger with that, but yeah, its extremely aggrivating..

I'll randomly space out, forget a lot, and its extremely embarrasing talking to clients when youre trying to help them with their weight loss goals, because if you say the wrong thing, they may never come back.

Ive actually developed a social anxiety from this, and its pretty bad... :S

When im sleep deprived, it intensifies.... Not getting sleep is not even an option its so bad.. haha

But yeah, I hear ya..

Also, to strawberry shortcake, what my psychiatrist has told me to do was organize things strictly. Keep things in one spot and never switch where you put them, and habits and structure has been my absolute best friend.

Every single morning without fail, I lose something, literally 2 minutes after ive had it, or right after i put it down as soon as i turn my back to do something, *POOF* its gone.

Its incredibly frustrating and it really wears on my self-esteem at times

In all honesty I'm not even consciously aware that I'm over thinking, or maybe it's just something I've gotten used to, so I don't notice it?

I write fantasy/magic realism. Right now I'm working on a fantasy YA novel series.

I hope you get some sleep!

My husband has told me that numerous times, to put my stuff in the same place everyday, but it hasn't worked. Maybe I just need to try harder to be organized. I'm really not an organized person though. I'm pretty unorganized. I do that too a lot...the whole putting something down and 2 minutes later not being able to find it! It's so annoying!

Yeah, it really just comes down to just doing it.
I have bought another dresser and 3 new mini compartments for things, and I took a day, and just organized it all, and its been helping ever since.

I visualize where they go as im coming through the door so I don't just plop it on the floor and then lose them the next day. It is SO worth it I promise. It may take a few times, but its definitely worth it.

I feel for you. It's not so bad the mental block, it's when I realise what I've done. I start to panic and end up getting really flustered. I start to talk gibberish and it comes out really fast. When I used to teach, I would often do this.

That sounds interesting. I need a hobby, but I'm not sure I could apply myself to writing. Anything that means me sitting still for longer than 20 minutes will not work. !ayne when things calm down, some of my interests will return.