[touched by fire]

I don't want to get better? And I just want to be the real me, un-medicated me, whatever f'ed up version decides to manifest. Is it so wrong to want to just be myself and be able to look in the mirror and see the REAL me again?

[cashart10]

I feel the same way, often. But, I try to imagine what life was like for the severely mentally ill before Lithium. I try to remember how they were treated in asylums and how long they stayed. It at least helps put things into perspective.

[RisuNeko]

I think this is a reasonable desire and sometimes I want the same thing but I try to think about what impact that would have on my career goals and my friends and family. I have been such a burden and a nuisance to those people in the past and I don't want to do that to them again. I also don't want to die of suicide because before meds I was suicidal many many times and I don't want to follow through and put that grief on the people I care about. And this is coming from someone who was put on 30 or 40 meds that didn't work and made me gain 116 lbs in two years making me obese. (I've lost 52 lbs of it now that im on only 3 psych meds instead of 8-12. I'm also much happier on fewer meds).

[~Christina]

As long as your not a harm to others sure you can go be the unmedicated you.. Keep in mind medications can only do so much , so you can improve your life with life style changes and coping skills.

Unless your in the court system and your forced to take medications you do not have to take them.

[Blitter2014]

I wonder who I would be without my medications, and or without bipolar. But I will never know. For me it falls under the "is this thought helpful or harmful?" category, because thinking about it only makes me mad and bitter. Even without medication I would still have bipolar, and I know what that is like unmediated. Some can manage it, I managed it for years, now I need medication.

Try to feel good about who you are and what you have accomplished despite your illness.

Originally Posted by touched by fire

I don't want to get better? And I just want to be the real me, un-medicated me, whatever f'ed up version decides to manifest. Is it so wrong to want to just be myself and be able to look in the mirror and see the REAL me again?

I ask myself that question all the time. I've gone rounds with numerous psychiatrists..."No, I won't take that med, it makes you gain weight." "No, I won't take that med, it kills your sex drive." ...all the things the meds take from me are the behaviors accentuated by the 'bi-polar' ...supposedly.

But I have random powerful suicidal thoughts. I have random manic thoughts. Its such a struggle. I'm still not medicated..but mostly because I'm not convinced I have this...even though deep down I know.

So, I don't want to be suicidal. I don't want to scare my husband or my kids.

So I don't know if it relates to your post. I know I want to get better, but I want to get better without meds.

Good luck!!