For the past half hour I've been crying uncontrollably and waned to kill myself. This happened out o no where. I was a little stressed this morning, did some chores ND had a nap and felt great. Allow a sudden, no trigger at all iburst into extreme bawling like I never have before. Extreme dark Houghton come into my head and I lose it for Half an hour. I feel like I'm dying. I want to die. Now approx hlf an hour later I feel relatively ok.
My plan is to go on monday and sit in my pdoc office until h can see me. This is def not normal for me. I can't handle it. It's happened a couple times in the last couple weeks.
My husband is all well you have to learn to cope with things. I certainly do not have to cope with that. To me hats totally abnormal. What if that happened while I was with my 2 year old?
Anyway. Just wanted some thoughts. Sorry about spelling on my phone.

[mom2trips+1]

I am concerned for you. Do you think you should call your pdoc? Maybe you had a panic attack but suicidal thoughts would make me want to call my doctor. You may need some intervention. I hope you feel better soon. Stay safe.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

That sounds like a panic attack. They can be really scary and come on out of nowhere. Do you have a PRN clonazepam? I find that taking a benzo as soon as the panic attack begins helps and then I am able to do breathing and other relaxation techniques to help me through it. It's been a while since I've had a really bad one but they are scary, especially when they are new. I've been fortunate to never have one in a place I couldn't manage it. I understand being afraid of having one while taking care of your kids.

I hope you are able to see the psychiatrist Monday and that they help. Do you have a therapist as well? I've really gotten a lot of help from working on relaxation with mine. I even have recorded him doing a relaxation exercise so I have a trusted voice walking me through it on the recorder.

[RisuNeko]

Yeah it sounds like you are having panic attacks. Clonopin definitely helps.

[~Christina]

Have you tried any breathing exercises? Sure a PRN is nice , but learning breathing exercises is always a good thing to do.

Feel better

I'm just thinking that with no trigger and the bawling that it's not a panic attack. I've had those before and this was def not the same

[~Christina]

You can have a "Panic attack" and be unable to identify the source. Your BPD could be the reason, afterall bpd causes mass mood shifts. I have a friend that struggles with her mood tanking in seconds from bdp issues.

I'm sorry your having to deal with all this.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Some of the worst panic attacks I've had haven't had immediate triggers and I nearly always wind up crying because I'm scared or because it's just part of how the panic manifests for me, so it can happen that way. I remember the only panic attack that has ever caused me to email my psychiatrist plus call her secretary to ensure she got the email on time was out of the blue at 4 AM (I was nomally awake at that time back then just because I woke up then) and involved crying to the point that it made the entire thing worse and more scary than it already was.