[yanks7]

So before I was medicated I used to freak out when I thought things were going to ****, but if I just stuck with it it would normally turn out fine. The problem for me was letting it play out. Anyway now that I'm medicated I'm mentally more resilient and I've been able to ride it out longer. The problem is that things are not working out anymore (of course I blame my meds). So the fall semester I made it through 50% of my classes and lost financial aid, but I appealed and won so I continued school. In the spring I was able to finish the semester all C's and one D. I was told all I had to do was pass all my class with a D or higher which is exactly what I did. I found out yesterday that I lost my financial aid again. WTF I did exactly what I was told I needed to do and it still was not good enough. It just gets me thinking that I will never be good enough no matter what the situation: school, friends, women. Before I started rapid cycling two years ago (holy **** has it been that long already) I had a 3.5 gpa in the chemistry program now it is a 2.85. I was starting to make friends now I'm in bed by 7pm on Friday nights. And women don't even get me started I am so ashamed of myself I can't even look them in the eye which isn't exactly a turn on for them "did you see the way he avoid eye contact all night, hot!". Anyway I guess I just needed to vent I am so sick of my life and just want to find a place to fit in. Which I thought, before things got really bad, was school and science now I am not so sure. I still love science but I don't know. Any advice is greatly welcomed.

I know in my area there are activities for people that are more cerebral. Like pub quizzes or trivia games in social settings or bars. Here we have one called "nerds that drink." I have thought of going myself. Might be a place to meet people?

(I hope you understand the word nerd is a compliment.)

Are your meds dulling you mentally? You said you blame your meds for things not working out so I'm just wondering if they have something to do with your grades and financial aid. Maybe a med adjustment can get you thinking more clearly?

I struggle socially, so I don't have much advise in that department. I found that the right people will accept you (Even if you don't make eye contact)

Hugs to you. I hope things begin to turn Around and work out again.

[yanks7]

[QUOTE=ElsaMars;4450946]Are your meds dulling you mentally? You said you blame your meds for things not working out so I'm just wondering if they have something to do with your grades and financial aid. Maybe a med adjustment can get you thinking more clearly?

Unfortunately I think all meds dull my sense but cost benefit analysis says I should take them

[Crazy Hitch]

I am sorry to hear that this is so difficult yanks -

I found this great blog for you - you might wish to check it out

The 4 Keys to Managing Bipolar Disorder | Psych Central

[Woolly Bugger]

Yanks7 -- I'm guessing you are a fan of the great Mickey Mantle. Good luck and keep on posting. Things will get better.