[Darkangel19]

Just venting, idk how to make a blog on here. I've been falling into delusions again for the past year or so, but I'm trying to keep my delusions/reality apart, because in the past when my brain tripped out I didn't know I was delusional, so I'd talk about it like it was normal...pshh bad mistake lol. Anyway, so I'm having these delusions over cyber space, because coincidence after coincidence keep occuring, but my delusions are triggering paranoia, because I feel like I might have a brother I didn't know about. I had this delusion before so (so unrealistic) but so much coincidence.. anyway it's triggering paranoia in my mind that my dads side of the family thinks I'm planning against them and once again I feel like there's a big conspiracy going on that because of that they're attacking me. It's probably all in my head, but I don't wanna tell my fam because I seem crazy enough and saying anything never does any good. I only have contact with my dads side online, so Idk how to talk to them and not feel like I'm being attacked, or feel like they think I'm planning against them. I know I'm delusional, and I'm in a 50/50 state of mind whether anything of this is real or not, but I don't want to bring it into reality or tell anyone cuz that's just embarrassing, I'm even embarrassed to tell my psych, but I have a cheap government funded psych anyway, so I don't think it would do any good. Anyway just venting.

[Ruftin]

Darkangel, You need to address these delusions and paranoia. They are part of your bipolar disorder. Are you on medications? I am bipolar and once one the right meds these symptoms went away for me. Don't be embarrassed about having your issues addressed. You are your own best advocate. Best wishes!!!

[wiretwister]

I had the paranoia before,, it was all so real my t had to get me to see the truth.. meds helped.. I pray you find peace...

[Darkangel19]

Talking about it just seems to cause more drama, and my psych for the time being is really unprofessional. I had a lot of good ones in the past, just can't afford them right now. Causing so much drama, which i don't even know if it's real or not, blahh I guess time will tell, but it's effecting important aspects of my life. Like family, friends, romance, anything social.

[raspberrytorte]

I so understand about being embarrassed to talk about delusions to pdocs (or pnps). It's really hard for me to talk about them because I feel so stupid! Especially after my psychosis episode and my pnp wanted to know what exactly happened to me and what I believed, and I was so embarrassed to talk about it because it was so ridiculous after the fact!

Just wanted to let you know that I can relate to that feeling.