Cheated

I took myself off my AD for the last few days. I had to come down some from the high I've been on and the AD is one way I can control that. I put the patch (1/2 dose) back on tonight.

Tonight I also had to give in to my asthma and use my steroid inhaler. I usually opt for slightly less controlled asthma and no steroid inhalers because they agitate me although the current one is better than the prior ones. But I've had to use my rescue inhaler the last couple of days and today's attack was worse so steroids it is until the allergens settle down.

But for about an hour I got TIRED. Like set the alarms, turn of the lights and curl up with a book I thought I just fall asleep on (especially since I can't focus on the plotline). I thought I was going to sleep. When a mania goes this long every so often I'll get one night of sleep somewhere, I think to just let my body recover enough to keep going.

And then that was over. And now everything is going back up and I can feel the steroid doing its' thing and sleep may come earlier than it does many nights (and last night was bad so that would be good) but I lost my sleepy.

Someday.....

Omg sweety, I have no idea, Be safe Please!

I'm safe. Just annoyed. My pdoc knew that I may have to go on the steroid inhaler and said breathing trumps mania and since treatments just get worse if asthma gets worse.

I see my therapist tomorrow and will probably try to contact my pdoc again. I guess I really will be doing that, not just probably. It's just hard to get her on a Monday. But I need to tell her I cut the AD for several days (and maybe should have re-started a lower dose but my mood has been lower today which worries me; I don't want to crash without AD in my blood) and that if I can't start Latuda next week I think I need to start something else this week.

This week is going to feel like a battle to stay out of IP. If I can make it until next Monday my pdoc can change something and probably at the very least buy me more time (unless I need to start something that needs watching. With being on half my MAOI I can see that being possible). I'm going to see my therapist twice which should help. But I really wish that pdoc appointment was this week....

Time to write the email to my pdoc so I just have to send it tomorrow morning before I got to therapy.

You have too much going on. I really wouldn't be doing much with out pdoc consent. Lucky me I'm just at 2 meds, so I can play. Be safe hun.

I've been allowed to cut the AD dose for years. So not a problem. The MAOI is really, really stimulating (when I was first on it I had to double my seroquel dose and alternate klonopin and valium every 2 hours through the day just to function until my body got used to it). So in general the first thing I do if I'm getting manic is to reduce my MAOI exposure for a day or two. It stays in the bloodstream for a long time so just missing a few doses doesn't even drop things much. Going back on the 1/2 dose will get me back where I was in just a day or two. It's about the only med I can adjust myself.

Hopefully I'll actually get a chance to talk to my pdoc tomorrow or she'll get the emails and either I'll know I have just days until I start Latuda or she hopefully will start something else. That's what I'm asking anyway although I'm not sure she'll do that without seeing me because of the meds that we're going to be discussing and my history of trouble with APs. I may have go IP to start neuroleptics with supervision to be sure I don't get tardive dyskinesia b/c I'm at increased risk.

I don't care anymore just so something happens soon. I just want to be better. I am so tired of this endless episode.