So, as you might have read, I'm ok when I first wake up, feel terrible until about 10, then usually ok until bedtime. Dont get me wrong, there are days when I just sit in bed and cry. I had a suicidal plan last week. Called hotline, etc. etc.

Saw pdoc last week. He put me on Ritalin. Any experience with that?

So, a little background on my therapist. We were doing fine. Talk therapy and started on a little DBT. Until I was in the hospital and my intern doc talked to her. I think now she feels that every session has to be about DBT. Well, most of the time I need to talk. A while ago, my husband and I were having problems. She told me she didn't think it would be helpful for me to see her until we worked things out. So, after a period of time (when my husband and I were doing better) I called her. She said why are you calling, to make an appointment? So I saw her again. The day I saw her I was VERY depressed. The word suicide came up. It was not good. She again said that she doesn't think she's doing me much good. Really? So I requested a new therapist. When I saw Pdoc, he said that the report from her said that I was unwilling to accept treatment. Wow. I couldn't believe it. Anyhow, I think I need a talk therapist and a DBT/CBT therapist. I hope that can work that out.

Again, still dealing with the cognitive decline. It succks so bad. My EI runs out June 20. I will have no money coming in after that. I'm scared to death and so is my husband. We NEED to have two incomes. But I really don't think I'm ready to go back to work. I hated the job I left and have been applying for tons of jobs, but no calls.

My husband thinks that I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to to get better. Which is party true. But when you feel like dying, it's pretty hard to go for a walk or go through your CBT/DBT books. He thinks that once I feel a bit better, it's all good. He doesn't understand that it needs to be baby steps or I'll end up right back where I was.

Well, I guess I just needed to rant. If you get through all of this, I will be surprised!

Have a good day everyone!

[ThunderGoddess]

It seems like a lot of us are having a hard time recently! I hope everything works out for you and you get the income you need. You husband sounds just like my boyfriend they just don't get it that just because you are on meds or learning DBT skills that everything is still hard and still a process that is going to take a long time to heal.