[boogiesmash]

I guess i'm feeling depressed right now as I'm writing this. I'm 35 years old, single, overweight, directionless, financially unstable and sad. I stopped working out and gained 75 lbs and has been hard to even try to go back to the gym (although lately I have been, due to my psychologist strategy) My dream job opportunity was crushed because of an internal work conflict of two coworkers. It was a sexual harrassment case and in order to save their hide they accused me, which made my shoe in dream job be crushed. (This led to a severe depression) I now feel old and haven't accomplished any of what I want to by this age. I saw myself married possibly with a kid or 2 in a house and being well off. Am I too old to accomplish any of this?

[wildflowerchild25]

No you're only 35. I don't think anyone is too old to accomplish things. I think it's the depression talking.

[boogiesmash]

It's so frustrating. I got so much to do to get myself back to where I was.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

You aren't too old for this at all. Our dreams rarely happen to come true in the way we wish when we daydream though I think. I think that often we are experiencing life and it is going well (admittedly difficult with bipolar) and we suddenly find that THIS was our dream all along and we didn't know it. So maybe what you spoke of will be the dreams that are fulfilled or maybe someday you'll look around and realize that there were better dreams all along, but it is definitely not time to give up on dreams. I don't think it ever is. (for whatever reason the example I'm thinking of is the first President Bush and his skydiving every so many birthdays after the age of 80).

Realistically I think you have to work on one thing at a time and figure out what you have to do step-by-step to get where you want to be, but also accept you could wind up somewhere else even better along the way.

[boogiesmash]

Thanks maybe I just needed to vent and get it out there but like I said before it is frustrating lonely and sometimes feel lost.

[elevatedsoul]

vent away, you're not a failure

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

You aren't too old for this at all. Our dreams rarely happen to come true in the way we wish when we daydream though I think. I think that often we are experiencing life and it is going well (admittedly difficult with bipolar) and we suddenly find that THIS was our dream all along and we didn't know it. So maybe what you spoke of will be the dreams that are fulfilled or maybe someday you'll look around and realize that there were better dreams all along, but it is definitely not time to give up on dreams. I don't think it ever is. (for whatever reason the example I'm thinking of is the first President Bush and his skydiving every so many birthdays after the age of 80).

Realistically I think you have to work on one thing at a time and figure out what you have to do step-by-step to get where you want to be, but also accept you could wind up somewhere else even better along the way.

What do you think I should work on first?

[Bigmike727]

Sometimes it is best to put things in writing for me it airs out the head. Sometimes taking it one day at a time is the best way of getting things done, atleast that is what I find. Hoping for the best.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

What do you think I should work on first?

I think that is up to you. Your therapist can probably help you figure out what is most realistic for you at this point. I do know that small goals are always better.

Personally I made the mistake of putting too much energy into only one thing (my career) and I wound up missing out on some other things in life. Those things certainly could come along still but for now they aren't as much of a priority as they used to be. I did develop a wonderful relationship with my nieces and that takes away the pain of not having my own children (which is something I decided as soon as I was diagnosed because of genetics on both sides and my own personal situation, then I found out I couldn't have children anyway). My nieces filled a great deal of pain in my life which I was surprised about because I thought it would just hurt more to see my sister with what I had wanted so much.

The important thing is to find the right balance for your own life. Everyone is different. I have had a hard time in the last 4 years filling in for the time I used to spend working. I was supposed to start trying a drop-in center in March but I got manic instead. I've needed my therapist to help me figure out what I needed to work on one step at a time. I have a long way to go to have a fulfilled life because I gave up everything for my work and now I don't have that. But as we've worked through a lot of pain and I am starting to see that life is still possible and other things can impossible.

But I don't really have answers, just a belief system that keeps me going because I can't imagine having lost everything and having no future. I hAVE to believe there is a future that is worthwhile and so far that has been true.

[raspberrytorte]

You're not too old. And you're not a failure.

Sometimes life just doesn't work out the way we imagined it would.

By this time I expected to have a successful writing career, with books published, etc., and it hasn't happened (not for lack of trying may I add. It's just a really competitive market). So, all I can do is keep on trying, and not be sad that it hasn't happened yet.

I'm married and have a daughter, but I never expected to be a mother. It wasn't in my life plan, but sometimes life just throws you a curve ball.

Don't give up on your dreams.

[boogiesmash]

I believe she has me doing that, she has me working on going to the gym which produced a a lot of anxiety. She told me to view it as part of my meds and keep track of it in my daily mood chart. It has helped me go a bit more but I find it funny that about half the time going I have to pop a klonopin to help me go.

[~Christina]

I believe what she is doing is building you back up by your taking back your health mental and physical. Shes smart You probably wont be able to excel in the work place until your feeling stronger about yourself.

Work on just feeling better and things will start to fall in place

It's never to late to improve your life!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Christina is right.

I understand the need for klonopin. We don't actually have a gym here (small town, middle of nowhere) but I had 5 months of PT in the fall and it was so overstimulating. Lots of people, 2 TVs (no volume but still there), tons of movement, people talking, it was exhausting before I ever started a workout.

But the important thing is that you are DOING IT! That's really great and I know exercising is something that is so easy to put aside. I certainly have.

[Woolly Bugger]

If I were you, Boogie, the first thing I would do is lose that extra 75 lbs. It would do wonders for your self-esteem and give you the energy and confidence you need to face your other issues. It won't be easy, of course, but you can do it. Good luck!

[avlady]

your not a failure in fact you're lucky to not be having to take responsibility of kids, it is so hard to raise even 1 child as i found out, i never even wanted to be a mom after being the 2nd eldest of 11 kids. like someone said sometimes someone throws us a curve ball. lucky you

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Christina is right.

I understand the need for klonopin. We don't actually have a gym here (small town, middle of nowhere) but I had 5 months of PT in the fall and it was so overstimulating. Lots of people, 2 TVs (no volume but still there), tons of movement, people talking, it was exhausting before I ever started a workout.

But the important thing is that you are DOING IT! That's really great and I know exercising is something that is so easy to put aside. I certainly have.

It's funny cause I use to go with no problems at all, but now I still want to go but its mind wrecking and mentally exhausting dealing with the anxiety.

[seacrets2life]

That's your depression talking. Depression will LIE to you and tell you these things about yourself, tell it to SHUT UP. I needed to get my meds working to help me realize this, maybe you need a boost there? For me it made all the difference. Good luck to you.

[rainbowdash21]

You are not too old. I am almost 31 and I had my entire life turned upside down and broken over the course of a year. Even with my disorders and not being on meds, I have picked myself up and formed a new dream and a new life and even though some things keep knocking me down and it takes me a few days to get past them I still stand up.

You need to start small and then work out from that. Try giving yourself short deadlines to accomplish little goals!

I have lived most of my life truly believing I am a failure and there are times I still think I am but slowly every day I am proving myself wrong and seeing that I am not.

[lovejoy91]

Far from it. I hope you're able to bounce back quickly to enjoy life.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by rainbowdash21

You are not too old. I am almost 31 and I had my entire life turned upside down and broken over the course of a year. Even with my disorders and not being on meds, I have picked myself up and formed a new dream and a new life and even though some things keep knocking me down and it takes me a few days to get past them I still stand up.

You need to start small and then work out from that. Try giving yourself short deadlines to accomplish little goals!

I have lived most of my life truly believing I am a failure and there are times I still think I am but slowly every day I am proving myself wrong and seeing that I am not.

Rainbow broken is the exact term that would describe how I felt a couple years ago. Very broken. My life was also upside down and remember their wasn't a day that Passes that I just wanted to curl up and cry all day. Sometimes I feel that way now but not every day.

[Standup2me]

Only people who give up are failures.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

Only people who give up are failures.

Great quote but sometimes I do feel like giving up .