Drinking

Rasberry I hope you get through this and be safe!!

kindachaotic - Oh work. Can't afford to miss that either. And still can't afford IP.

You really can't OD on benzos alone? If you could, how much would it take? 120mg?

(Sorry. I'm really just curious.)

Being brutally honest here raspberrytorte, I don't know, but even if I did I probably wouldn't share it with you in your current state.

Please stop taking too much and even more so with alcohol. Inpatient may be expensive but it sounds like that's exactly where you should be.

How are you feeling today? I hope work isn't too much of a struggle.

Hungover again (off two beers. sad). I have off tuesdays and thursdays though, as much as you have "off" when you have a three year old.

You need to drink lots of water before you go to sleep. I bet she's a pocket rocket and keeps you on your toes. I hope you have a more peaceful evening. Take care.

no, you can not od (die) on benzo's. It's not a narcotic. Show me a link to one actual case, you can't. This is way doctors welcomed benzos with open arms in the 60's! They replaced barbiturates which was used before benzos and those you could easily OD on without even trying. You can od on aspirins too, but won't die

We really need to stop all this benzophobic myths.

The klonopin is causing that hang over effect, it has such a long shelf life and your popping them like candy. As I said before, I am more worried and concerned you may hurt yourself or some one else due to it's sedating effect. You will still be impaired the next day too! Please be careful. And do not drive! It's bad enough you could walk in front of a speeding car. Or fall down a flight of stairs! You could also hurt some one else and have no memory of it.

At this point would it matter to you.
You seem to think what you're doing, 'you can handle'.
Your judgement may be skewed as benzo's have a long half life.
Especially if you drink, even 2 beers.
Is it worth taking a chance with a small child.
Really hope you get the help you need, IP or IOP, med change.
This may seem harsh, just want you safe.

It's okay. I can admit when I've been a fool.

We all make mistakes raspberry

And just dust ourselves off and keep moving forward

I politely disagree... It is very easy to OD and die from Benzos, it supresses respiration. Especially when they are chased with alcohol or taken with other medications.

A simple Google search will give you many cases.

From wikipedia

I know wikipedia isn't the best source ever but I'm feeling too lazy to track down specifics and frankly I'm not supposed to know too much about specifics because my drs are afraid of what I already know and could use so I'm not allowed to read much about drugs without approval/supervison sometimes. (My therapist will read about it with me).

yup never off with kids. never

can you give your husband the benzos. so when you start this you are just drinking? i know the right answer is don't do any of it but i don't know that that is a realistic expectation right now......

and drinking takes longer and is more of the event of it. could you just stick with a couple of beers? does your husband know you are drinking. can he watch you?

what is it that you're getting from doing this....

is it the oblivion

is it that finger tapping the self destruct button as Toodles so perfectly described it....

can you fill the need in a less risky way some how?

I don't know. I think it was to see how far I could take it, like when I got out of the hospital in january and was just pissed off I'd had an actual, full blown manic episode that meant I really had bipolar and would take like 60mg of propranolol at a time just to push the envelope. And now I'm severely depressed and want to kill myself, but not in a direct way, like in an "oh, that was just an accident!" kind of way. I'm just ****ed up.

Please give all your medications to your husband to hold, and only give you what pills you need for one day.

Hun your really playing with fire, Your husband and child need you to stay safe

Please be safe and take action to do so. I know how finances and IP go, trust me. BUT, your safety is first. Please take care. We care about you.

You guys are so nice. Thanks.

We think you're awesome too raspberry

How you doing raspberry?

I understand this very well. It is typically a sign that my suicidal urges have gotten extremely bad, when I start engaging in high risk behavior. It's like tempting fate over and over because I want permission to die, in a way. If I walk out into traffic and don't get hit, then it wasn't my time. If I walk out into traffic and get hit, then I was meant to die that day. That is how my brain will see it when I'm like that. I won't be seeing it as increasing my risk of death by my own behaviors. I'll feel like it's all up to some higher power in the universe, a matter of fate, and I'll keep testing it over and over, as if to ask some unseen force in the world, "Do you really want me to keep living? Do I really have a purpose?" And I perceive the outcome to be an answer, yes or no. But the bottom line is that it means I'm highly suicidal. That is just my way of going about it, that is just how it manifests for me. So if you are the same way, then it means you are suicidal right now. And you need to face that head on. Poisoning yourself to 'play with fire' is no different than poisoning yourself with the fully conscious desire to die. It is the same thing at the bottom line, and must be treated as such.

Thanks. I've stopped doing that stupid shyt.

Having active symptoms isn't being stupid. If you know something is stupid but you're doing it anyway, that doesn't prove that you are stupid, it just shows that you have active symptoms. It means you're smart, but your illness is compelling you to defy your own knowledge and wisdom. It's super important to understand this and accept it so that you don't wind up feeling embarrassed or ashamed, because shame can lead to secrets, and secrets can be fatal. Hope you're feeling better, though.