My diagnosis

Yeah, diagnosis is tricky. My dx has changed from cyclothymia to bp II to bp I to possible schizoaffective, to mood disorder NOS, to personality issues, and now my therapist thinks I'm bipolar again, but she hasn't mentioned which "flavor". So it changes.

I want to tell you to focus on your symptoms, but I know how unsatisfying that can be. Labels help you make sense of your life story, and they connect you to other people. If you've had hypo/manias and depressions, I think you can call yourself bipolar. Because professionals are going to all have diff opinions anyway.

I just call myself bipolar; I don't really care if I'm type I or II or schizoaffective. I have hypo/manias, depressions, hallucinations, delusions, and as far as I'm concerned, that = bipolar.

Hope that helps. I think you're awesome, regardless of your dx.

Thanks!! Ive had too much depression and hypomania a not to identify with bipolar. It's my my identity though.

Raspberry, I don't have spending sprees either. Things don't do that much for me.
I have noticed that my thing is travel. When I get manic I start planning trips, cruises, trips to Europe. I get obsessed researching hotels and flights. Then when I realize I really can't afford it, I usually end up booking a hotel somewhere in the U.S. or maybe the Bahamas.

Of course, if a $100 per night hotel is good, why not go ahead and get the $200 per night room?

Did I mention I went bankrupt earlier this year?

Maybe I would if I had money. I don't know. I just get so goal oriented and obsessed with one thing. Last thing on my mind is shopping.

I mean I may buy silly, inexpensive things, or gifts for my husband and daughter, but that is all.

I don't know. Maybe I don't have bipolar at all because of this ( and now I promise I'll stop posting. lol).

my pdoc says I am on the "spectrum" of bp ... I actually like that ... very mild hypomania but hellacious depression ,, I love my lamictal ...

I don't have spending sprees either. I get too paranoid and start hiding money all over the place. Once after I crashed my mother came over to help( cleaning- her version of everything will be fine if you just clean) and kept finding twenty dollar bills all over the place. She found around $150 dollars tucked into a candle base.

My doc asked me initially if Ive ever been hospitalized during a manic episode and I said no. I remembered later that this past December when I was IP they said I was hypomanic.

I sometimes think the 1 vs 2 distinction is pointless, because some people are more able to hide their symptoms than others, and the reporting by patients is always going to be at least somewhat subjective. You could have someone with very high psychological resilience who rides out severe dysphoric mania with psychosis report that they don't feel like their symptoms are "that bad" and get labeled with type 2. You could have someone who gets some occasional insomnia and restlessness give a very exaggerated report and get labeled with type 1. You could have someone with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type try to explain their experiences in a way that leads the pdoc to go with type 1 bipolar with psychotic features and completely blow past the isolated psychosis episodes. You could have someone whose psychosis during hypomania scares get the hell out of them and makes them act intense and freaked out, leading to the conclusion that it must have been full-blown mania and that hypomania can never include psychosis. Etc etc etc.

So what it really seems to boil down to with the psychiatric system is whether or not you wind up in the hospital or get arrested. It seems to be a matter of how much 'trouble' you get into/cause, your behaviors. None of which has anything to do with what you experience inside of your mind.

Case in point: The last time I received a diagnosis years ago, I was labeled with type 1 because I sometimes lost my **** and freaked out in paranoid screaming. I still feel the same way and experience the same things to this day, but over the years I've been able to tone down my expressions of my symptoms. Now I'm more likely to just isolate and self harm than flip out at others. So now my new pdoc just wants to go with "mood disorder nos". Has nothing to do with my inner experiences and everything to do with what they can see happening. I'm sure that if I hurl the vacuum sweeper through the living room window during one of my rage states while screaming what I'm really thinking all the time, then I'll get the type 1 diagnosis. If I continue to just isolate and quietly self-destruct, then I'm I'll continue to not be taken as seriously. And it wouldn't shock me if my pdoc ends up going with the type 2 label as an expression of just how not-seriously I'm taken.

Raspberry-Don't look just at spending sprees. I do get a bit more carefree when I shop hypo vs baseline (meticulous comparison shopping). I also don't do any major spending but I FEEL different while shopping.

Do you have rapid speech? It's crazy how I never noticed it until it was pointed out. Do you have hypersexuality? Rage?

OP-I also had various dx. I also think the depression factor is a big component that Christina mentioned. Because I never had major depressions, some thought I just had anxiety so it was difficult to Dx me. I must be producing a lot of the mania chemical in my system keeping me away from the dark gloom but rather in the danger red zone.

Yes. Your description is very close to my experience too. There was one span when I got carried away, and not sure how much, but maybe 2,000? I didn't know about the BP at the time, so never thought to question it. (Was dx'd not long afterwards though.)

It's uncharacteristic to shop (in the sense most people mean) at all. Lean towards colorful, bold, and multiples of things. (Heheh, 26 hand fans is a good example.) "Carefree" is a good word -- I just don't think. See, like, buy. But no big ticket stuff. I don't "do" credit, and don't have the money, so that's pretty self- limiting. So yes, it's the feel, the attitude. Normally, it's a point of pride to get things super cheap that no one would ever guess. Got a compliment on a skirt a few weeks ago. Cost me 50 cents.

Inner-I think I have gotten close at purchasing a skirt for a couple of bucks but holy moly, you're good!


Now that I have rapid cycling, I get to return stuff within the return period. So that's a positive about rapid cycling, I guess.