[cashart10]

Tonight, after telling my husband how terribly mentally sick I was today, he decided that this is the night I should start walking on the elliptical. "It will make you feel so much better," he said, "you've never tried it as a remedy for your depression"

Possible trigger:

(mind you I was a dancer and a volleyball player while cutting and suicidal when I was younger).

He playfully suggested that I get on the elliptical or that he would throw me on the floor. While I am fully aware that he would only in silliness throw me on the floor, I wasn't in the mood and I didn't think it would be funny. He was absolutely serious, I was to get on the elliptical or he would throw me on the floor. I told him I didn't appreciate his attempts to exert his power over me and he thought my statement was ridiculously out of proportion. Then he told me I needed to "get my lazy *** up and do something." I told him I am not a lazy *** and he said "of course you're a lazy ***. What time is it now? [I told him] What time did you get on the couch?" I just ignored the question. In response, he went on and on about how I refuse help from everyone and everything (even though I am currently in an IOP, have therapy regularly, take my meds as directed and at least try to practice mindfulness). He said "you are about to go to a dietician because you are overweight and eat junk constantly yet you refuse to do anything about it. All you do is lie around. You are pitiful." I told him I simply didn't feel up to working out tonight. I told him after the IOP is over, I will start to work out in the mornings. "No you won't, he said. "You will just have more excuses." I told him if that is how he felt, I won't (not literally, but talk about giving up on someone). Besides, when is the last time he worked out? Yes, he works a physically exhausting job but staying home with three young kids is mentally exhausting. Add a severe mental illness and it makes working out, which used to come naturally to me, nearly impossible to think about, let alone begin. Besides, I'm not going to start working out for another person. Anyway, it wasn't an argument, it was a conversation, but it was sad. Now, I am giving him the silent treatment which is unusual because I usually either brush the stupid stuff he says off my back or cry until he comes to me and we talk about it. I'm so freaking sensitive. He was continuously walking around me just telling me how ridiculous I am being for giving him the silent treatment. I wouldn't even look at him. He finally went downstairs. I will go to bed tonight without even telling him goodnight.

Tonight I am soaking in some Bob Dylan (and oh is it soul cleansing):
Like a Rolling Stone

[Moogieotter]

Hi,

Sorry you are having challenges today. I follow your story and am hoping for the best for you. How is IOP? Did they start Clozapine?

Thanks,

moogs

Originally Posted by cashart10

Tonight, after telling my husband how terribly mentally sick I was today, he decided that this is the night I should start walking on the elliptical. "It will make you feel so much better," he said, "you've never tried it as a remedy for your depression"

Possible trigger:

(mind you I was a dancer and a volleyball player while cutting and suicidal when I was younger).

I'm sorry to hear your feeling so misunderstood. It is certainly true, that 'normal' comments, when made at the wrong time, though they may only be playful, can be a trigger that can spiral a mood quicker than anything else. I find that quite with me when this type of thing happens it is a combination of frustration at what has been said by the other person, because I feel misunderstood and then that feeling, that anger, makes me feel frustrated with myself because part of me knows they are right.

He playfully suggested that I get on the elliptical or that he would throw me on the floor. While I am fully aware that he would only in silliness throw me on the floor, I wasn't in the mood and I didn't think it would be funny. He was absolutely serious, I was to get on the elliptical or he would throw me on the floor. I told him I didn't appreciate his attempts to exert his power over me and he thought my statement was ridiculously out of proportion.

From his point of view, they probably were. Sometimes when frustrated with someone, but still caring about them at the same time, you will keep pushing until you motivate said person to look after themselves. My father recently had a health scare and yet would not go back to the doctor once he started developing life threatening symptoms. After trying gently to tell him that he really needed to go see the doctor, I ended up telling him he was an idiot if he didn't go. I love my father very much, and have never spoken to him like that in my life. But my frustration to get him to look after himself drove me to push him until he did something about it. It sounds like this might have been a similar scenario.

Then he told me I needed to "get my lazy *** up and do something." I told him I am not a lazy *** and he said "of course you're a lazy ***. What time is it now? [I told him] What time did you get on the couch?" I just ignored the question. In response, he went on and on about how I refuse help from everyone and everything (even though I am currently in an IOP, have therapy regularly, take my meds as directed and at least try to practice mindfulness). He said "you are about to go to a dietician because you are overweight and eat junk constantly yet you refuse to do anything about it. All you do is lie around. You are pitiful."

He crossed a line there, but I still think it is driven from a love for you and his desire for you to get better, rather than just being harsh or wanting to hurt you. If he truly didn't care, he wouldn't say anything, he'd just let you do whatever you wanted.....

I told him I simply didn't feel up to working out tonight. I told him after the IOP is over, I will start to work out in the mornings. "No you won't, he said. "You will just have more excuses." I told him if that is how he felt, I won't (not literally, but talk about giving up on someone). Besides, when is the last time he worked out? Yes, he works a physically exhausting job but staying home with three young kids is mentally exhausting.

Totally agree. Kids are demanding at the best of times, requiring constant attention. There is no down time, unless you can find something really fantastic on TV. I love my daughter, and yet there are times where I can't wait for her to be at school again.

Add a severe mental illness and it makes working out, which used to come naturally to me, nearly impossible to think about, let alone begin. Besides, I'm not going to start working out for another person. Anyway, it wasn't an argument, it was a conversation, but it was sad. Now, I am giving him the silent treatment which is unusual because I usually either brush the stupid stuff he says off my back or cry until he comes to me and we talk about it. I'm so freaking sensitive. He was continuously walking around me just telling me how ridiculous I am being for giving him the silent treatment. I wouldn't even look at him. He finally went downstairs. I will go to bed tonight without even telling him goodnight.

Sounds like you need some time to process what has happened. I certainly would. He sounds frustrated. With work, probably with finances, with children that he is worried about because their mum is struggling, and with you because he wants better for you and yet doesn't really 'get it' or know how to help. I'm trying to be optimistic, I may be way off base. Only you truly know that. But if you can try to be positive, and look at what motivated him to say what he said, rather than focusing on what he said, you may find that helps. I apologize if I have said anything that has upset you.......

Big Aussie Hugs

xXx


Tonight I am soaking in some Bob Dylan (and oh is it soul cleansing):
Like a Rolling Stone

[/quote]

[wiretwister]

I don't know what to say , ... thinking, praying for you and your family ...

That sucks they just do not get how exhausting being so unwell is.

When someone starts to get on my back about activity, I offer them a dose of my Meds and ask them to function like a normal human being. That's without the mental turmoil.