[Apathy123]

I've been diagnosed as MDD for most of my life along with ADD and GAD. Last year, my doc and I debated Bipolar disorder and for a while I was on a med for that and then we both decided for me to go off it, in May.

I've never quite meet the textbook definations for Bipolar, but there is enough hints that I believe it's possible that I am.

The last two weeks have been uncomfortable. It started with increased anxiety, enough that I was concerned about the amount of Xanax and Klonpin I was taking, so I called and talked to my doctor and he agreed that I wasn't anywhere in trouble with the dosages I was taking. I was also having trouble sleeping, so we added back ambian, and increased Effexor. That was Friday night.

Saturday, I briefly awoke for the morning shows, remember seeing the clock at 7PM and slept the entire day, no eating, not going to the bathroom, just zonked. Sunday I slept in till 12pm. Sunday night, I took an ambien at 10, another at 12:30, and three Xanax at 3AM, I was completely awake all night.
Monday, I took an ambien at 10, another at 12 something, and think I may have gotten three hours sleep.

Additionally, anxiety is still high, I'm picking up on other things, irritable, possibly pressured speech, completely focused obsessed with doing something (booking a vacation). And I'm just overall not comfortable in my skin, plus wanting to cry steadily for the last three weeks.

Yesterday, I called and made the earliest appointment with my doc that I could which is Friday. I'm just so freaking uncomfortable. The lack of sleep plus the anxiety is killing me and I just don't feel good.

[*Laurie*]

Good for you for making the appointment. I think more people need to give themselves credit just for taking the huge step of reaching out for help.

[Apathy123]

Thanks. I'm continuing to feel worse. I just called to see if I could get into the office earlier and he's .booked all week. And they don't do "emergencies".

If this lack of sleep thing goes on much longer I'm not sure I'm going to be able to function. I'm up to 3 hours or so since Sunday.

[~Christina]

I'm sorry your not sleeping. I can relate I have chronic Insomnia.

I am a bit concerned with just how much Ambien and Xanax you took in a very short amount of time ...

*******
Saturday, I briefly awoke for the morning shows, remember seeing the clock at 7PM and slept the entire day, no eating, not going to the bathroom, just zonked. Sunday I slept in till 12pm. Sunday night, I took an ambien at 10, another at 12:30, and three Xanax at 3AM, I was completely awake all night.
Monday, I took an ambien at 10, another at 12 something, and think I may have gotten three hours sleep.
*******

Taking both Ambien and Xanax in those amounts is really dangerous I wound up IP after I over served myself Xanax.. I didn't realize how many I had taken.. it does muddle your mind... Is there someone that can hold your meds and just give you what you need for a day or 2 so you keep taking more and more in a desperate attempt to go to sleep?

I hope your pdoc can help you find a solution that will work and isn't dangerous.

It's good that you made an appointment. Hopefully they will be able to help you get to a better place ((hugs))

[Apathy123]

Thanks.

Christina - I want to assure you that both taking 2 ambient (1 then wait, and if you still have enough time for 8 hours sleep, take a 2) and addiing Xanax if I still haven't fallen asleep are things I have discussed with my shrink and he supports. Plus I'm on a tiny xanax dose, .25 so taking three isn't very much at all.

I've gotten a whopper of 3 hours of sleep since Sunday morning. Last night was unsuccessful as well. I have an appointment on Friday but based on how I'm feeling, how my friends have observed my behavior and what my therapist thought last night, I'm going to the doctors office this morning without an appointment hoping to be seen early.

I'm really nervous and scared, about dealing with the awful office staff, about upsetting my doctor for coming in without an appt (which he has never had a problem with) and ultimately what we decide my diagnosis is. Ultimately, I don't care what the diagnosis is, I just want to feel better, but after dealing with depression for half my life, the thought of now having to manage mood swings, makes my heart hurt.