[RisuNeko]

Today is my last day at my current job and I'm really emotional right now. The people I work with (elderly people with dementia and my coworkers) have become like family to me and I don't want to just lose my family but in another sense I'm about to regain my real family because I'm about to move in with my parents for a year. I'm really anxious about that. It will be really nice to feel financially secure for once and to have free gym access because my mom works at a gym and to get to eat the healthy food that my mom makes. But my dad is retired so he'll be home with me ALL of the time. Don't get me wrong I love my dad but I also value alone time and privacy and not feeling pressured to be a good little girl all of the time.

I have to quit smoking cigarettes by the time I move and stop drinking so much which sounds hard right when I'm going through this transition. I'm really bad at transitions and they usually trigger episodes for me.

Does anyone have any advice for getting through this transition without going off the rails?

[Moogieotter]

Hi,

It sounds like you have a healthy plan to get stable for the next year. Routine is huge for me, and you'll be in a good position to make one for yourself back with your parents.

I would find some local mental health groups, Emotions Anonymous, smoking cessation groups, and maybe even AA. Church can also be a good place to meet positive people.

I think you are going to do great! Keep us posted!

moogs

[Crazy Hitch]

You've definitely got some very solid advantages to moving back ...

But I hear you about personal space!

I need my own personal space too.

I'd try find activities where you can either "self engage" in a quiete space back home (art, music, blogging) ... or looking for group activities (you've already mentioned gym as being one of them).

Let us know how this all works out for you.

[raspberrytorte]

You have to quit smoking? I'm sorry! I can not even imagine quitting right now. Good luck. I reccomend the lozenges, and oddly enough the walgreens brand worked best for me when I quit last.

[raspberrytorte]

Well, last time before last time. Last time I used an ecig.

It sounds like you have a solid plan.

Try replacing drinking with a healthier alternative. if you like tea, load up on some good teas. Or make fruit smoothies or something treat-like.

Best of luck to you. I love my parents, but I also know the challenges of living with them. Be kind to yourself.

I switched to an e cig too. I wouldn't combine the stress of completely quitting smoking with a move, I think that would make anyone nuts. And with your dad, just try and spend time out of the house. It'll be good for you not to isolate at home anyway. There have been times where I had to move home as an adult, and while it's not easy, sometimes it can be just exactly what you need.

[festidump]

Make sure you make time for yourself, "me" time to chill, unwind, relax on your own. I didn´t have that for sooooooooooooo long and recently I found a place to just "be" and even just knowing it´s there has helped loads xx

[BeyondtheRainbow]

When I stayed with my mom while my little house on her property was being built (which took 9 months) we made up some ground rules before I ever moved in to ensure privacy for both of us. Little things worked out as we went too, like whoever didn't cook cleaned. It wasn't easy all the time; I remember 2 things that were hardest. One is that it is very had for me to cry if I think someone might hear me and want to know what is wrong and so I barely cried the whole time I was here. The other was that she watched TV in the main room and my bedroom was off of a loft area over the TV room so there was a lot of noise. Good headphones and lots of music helped with that. Having a support group through NAMI helped for part of the time (Then it was too far away to afford going to the meetings and social events) and taking advantage of any day she was away that I could hang out in my pajamas and relax also helped. Some things never were resolved easily, like I like fish and she doesn't and she loves ham and I can't eat it because it causes migraines. So every so often I bought her a piece of ham b/c she wouldn't buy it for herself and when she wasn't home I made fish (the smell made it so I wouldn't cook it while she was home). Lots of little compromises. I don't mind laundry so I tried to do a lot of that for her. I also tried to get in the kitchen to clean up every day, not just when she cooked, because it was fast and easy to clean and felt like I did something. I still bought food every month and contributed cleaners, lens wipes, whatever I saw we needed when I noticed we were low on it. I bought so many lens wipes we are still using them in both houses a year and a few months later (bad estimate of how many we used). I don't drink or smoke so didn't have to give that up and I'm sure it is hard. For me the hard thing was that I had to sell my house and give up living independently and that was a big loss and I had to be able to grieve. It's so much better now that I have help when I need it but I still miss my house and the extra privacy. And of course always remember this is just for a season of life. not for eternity. That got me through a lot (as did earplugs! ).

[~Christina]

Just remember why you are making this move. Focus on the fact you have a goal and you are going to make it !

I used Chantix years ago. Day 3 I couldn't even force myself to smoke one, I hated the smell and still do. It seriously was simple , but I "wanted" to quit. I did only take half the typical dose. I was only on it for a total of 3 weeks.

Anytime you start to wobble write on a post it what the end goal will be. You might wind up with an entire wall of Post its.. But it might help.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

If you look around you may find a clinical trial for people who are stopping smoking that actually pays you to quit. I know that a number of our patients in the home health agency where I worked were making a decent amount of money (I think $150 total) for quitting a few years ago. I think that was a program for decreasing health risks in Appalachia which probably wouldn't help you but I know programs are out there if you can stumble into one. I had another program pay me $2 just for opening the envelope; they were seeking smokers and I filled out a form saying I didn't smoke. If I had I would have gotten a free meal and a gift card just for being interviewed. I'm not sure if that was an Appalachia study or a general study through the state university. It's worth a look, just a google search for paid smoking cessation programs in _____". CAn't hurt.

I know my mom got through the months of imposition by being diligent about keeping a thankfulness journal. Whatever works.

I agree with the idea that you should try to talk to your parents about ground rules. You are their daughter but still an adult. Try to come up with boundaries for living together.

[RisuNeko]

Thanks for all of the wise advice. I don't really know what ground rules to set as my parents aren't very strict other than please knock on my door before coming in. I wish I could have some sort of ground rule that my mom wouldn't judge me for having a few beers with my dad or on my own but I also know alcohol and bipolar technically don't mix.

I'm going to be so busy with job hunting and job shadow hunting and grad school and exercise to even have the time or the courage to take a smoking cessation class plus I don't even want my parents to know I smoke. I'm on wellbutrin already which is chantix and it hasn't helped me fully quit but I've gotten from like 12 a day to 3 to 5 a day. I want my pdoc to raise my wellbutrin. I doubt he will because he's a jack*** but I can at least try to convince him.

I'm just going to try to stay positive and active and make it through this but I'm still worried. My anxiety had really been flaring up lately.