[xRavenx]

This post is not just about grief and loss.....it's more related to wondering how to cope with lack of support....

I went to the graveyard today to put a grave blanket down for my former boyfriend. His family has still not been in contact with me. I am the one that knew the most about what was going on with him up until he died though. He told me so much that nobody else knew, and I knew he was heart broken and felt like a failure at the end of his life.

It gave me comfort going to the graveyard. Nobody even put anything down on his grave, and there was just a temporary marker. I am glad I put something down for him. I'm not going to let anybody take

I have been avoiding telling people, since it is hard to talk about. One friend I reached out to who knew the ex wife did not know he died (she was her hair stylist). Another friend who did not know him, I texted her about it today and told her I have been depressed.

Her response via text...."Don't be depressed. It's not even like you were even with him for years and years. He had some problems so you shouldn't be surprised." It's not even that I am trying to get people to feel sorry for me. I just want respect. Maybe that's too much to ask for?
My other friend that I am now okay with was supportive, but then nasty to me out of nowhere (unrelated, but still, pretty crappy to do that to someone who just had a big loss). This friend and I are ok now, but it hurt. My mom has also said some insensitive things to me, undermining what me and him shared, out of disappointment that I was so-called "mixed up with someone who I shouldn't have been." She expects me to be someone that I am not: white picket fence, married, kids, perfect guy with lots of money.

Since it is close to Christmas and I have work (pdoc thought about writing me out of work on temporary medical leave, but I am taking a break by using my vacation time for 10 days and will go from there). I am unable to see my therapist until right after Christmas, so I am just trying to keep it together.

How do you deal with insensitive comments towards you, stigma, and high expectations placed on you to so-called "be normal"??

I'm not good at this stuff. I would call out anyone who said something negative to me. I simply can't hold it in. Hurt me once and I'll tell you exactly how I feel. Make it a pattern and I'll cut you out of my life. I have no time or patience for people who hurt me.

I'm sorry you had to deal with this on top of your grief. Hugs.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I'm not good at this stuff. I would call out anyone who said something negative to me. I simply can't hold it in. Hurt me once and I'll tell you exactly how I feel. Make it a pattern and I'll cut you out of my life. I have no time or patience for people who hurt me.

I'm sorry you had to deal with this on top of your grief. Hugs.

Thank you. I have a bad habit of telling people what they've done wrong, getting mad, but then letting them back in. With the one friend who said, "Well you weren't with him for many years, don't be depressed, he had problems, just move on...." I was taken aback by that, and today I actually didn't say anything back. Normally, I would have put her in her place, but I have completely lost energy when it comes to fighting back. I definitely wanted to though. But then it could have led her to say even more hurtful things, and I can't take it right now.

Maybe I should just stop talking to her for now. Being kicked down and disrespected has taken a toll on me. I don't treat people like that, and I mean that 100%, so I don't know what I did to deserve this. It's even more troubling when it comes to how many people out there have no clue how hurtful there words can be. Maybe the world is doomed, I don't know.

[Victoria'smom]

I'd slowly walk away from that friend if they weren't a lifelong friend. You don't need that negativity in your life especially right now.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'd slowly walk away from that friend if they weren't a lifelong friend. You don't need that negativity in your life especially right now.

She's someone that I was friends with since grade school, but we drifted when she moved away, but still talk. I only see her every now and then, rarely. Before that comment, I was thinking about asking her to meet up, but I don't feel like it after that. I'm thinking about keeping distance now. In the past, I've accepted her for some personality flaws. She can come off having what you would call a "strong personality," which has made us clash at times. Usually we've only clashed over minor things: like her need to be "right". This time though, she hit a sensitive spot with her comment that hurt me to the core, and I can't allow myself to be treated like that anymore.

[vernl77]

The people who know me actually underestimate me and are so light on the expectations. People who don't know I have bipolar expect a lot as someone with a higher education. In the past when I was diagnosed I got no sympathy from my dad and that hurt. He said it was all in my head. Learned to accept the fact that he was just ignorant. People who don't know what you go through can't sympathize as you feel they should and things that are meaningless things to them can really hurt you. I've learned a lot about bipolar disorder and try to educate family and friends so they can at least try to be helpful when I am not well.

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry for your loss.

No matter how they were connected to you in your life, you still grieve the loss. It's harder when people don't understand that.

You still need to take care of, and be compassionate to, yourself. Maybe find a grief support group--some hospitals have them.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Sorry for your loss.

No matter how they were connected to you in your life, you still grieve the loss. It's harder when people don't understand that.

You still need to take care of, and be compassionate to, yourself. Maybe find a grief support group--some hospitals have them.

Thank you. That's a good suggestion. I didn't realize hospitals might have Grief and Loss groups....maybe I'll look into it when ready.