Mistake to tell wife I'm bipolar?

It sounds like MI freaks her out. After all, she didn't tell you about her Dx and she walked away from the conversation. Maybe she didn't want to open the door to her own problems. Maybe her meds are actually treating PTSD... At the very least you should discuss medications so that if one of you ends up in the hospital the other can make sure the doctors have a complete medical history. Good luck

Ripose:

So.... you were diagnosed, before being with her... and in over a decade of being together it never ONCE crossed your mind that she may deserve to know about a serious medical issue you have??? Like, I totally get her not noticing it - it isn't always extremely noticeable. Personally, I would be livid if my partner withheld something so significant from me for that long. If the weren't diagnosed and just had suspicions that would be one thing... but to be diagnosed? Even if not getting treatment.....

In other words - I think your wife is handling this spectacularly. Most people would be totally flipping out at the over decade-long lie. It may have never crossed your mind to tell her... but it's still a decade-long lie.

Angelwings:

Like lolagrace, I absolutely challenge and disagree with your statement. You cannot identify bipolar within minutes. Bipolar has periods of depression, (hypo)mania, and stable. People don't cycle through them within minutes, so you cannot tell within minutes that someone has bipolar. In fact, it's easily missed for years in many cases. The most "noticeable" part of bipolr would be severe mania, or mania with psychosis - and that still won't immediately identify someone as having bipolar because psychosis can be a symptom of other diagnoses and is not limited to bipolar - and many people with bipolar do not have severe mania or psychosis - and many others may only have one or two espidoes of that within their life time.

People claiming to recognise bipolar within minutes are much more likely noticing someone who is extremely moody or even borderline - because that is where you will see noticeable, rapid, and extreme mood changes. Bipolar is not like that.

Hi Repose !.

I think shell talk about things when shes ready.
Don't press her to talk if she finds it hard.
It will all come out in the wash as they say.

Good Luck

Fingers1

Thanks Fingers, I agree.

I knew there was a very likely possibility I was Bipolar 15+ years ago, I just denied it and put on my daily facade for yeeeears. Drank heavily and blamed all my stress, anger and basic bs on *work*. My close friends, and girlfriends and then wife, would get a glimpse at the *real me*... occassionally...

When I had my blowout just over 3 years ago and was finally talking to a psychiatrist and psychologist is when the official diagnosis was made. I was asked what or if I thought it was caused by something... my reply was I believe I'm Bipolar and they agreed. My close friends who've known me a long time... have said, makes sense and explains a lot.

I've been with my wife for about 17 years now. Last year I finally told her about my childhood and things that were done to me. Some of us just lock those dark secrets up so deep we forget about them.

It happens. You've been together this long, she's already accepted what you are regardless of the *label*.

True and this will be the first thing I tell her when we next talk about it.

I am so happy I'm not the only person that believes you can tell someone is Bipolar. Thank you for agreeing with me. I really needed the help.

So you actually believe you can tell every bipolar individual on your own?

You said you can tell within minutes.

You can tell within years, because you'll see the changes. But within minutes of knowing someone? No. Those are very different timespans.

Angel- You do know the difference between borderline and bipolar?

TBF said they knew they were personally bipolar before the doctors knew...


That's different from saying they can tell when other people are bipolar.


Just thought I would clarify that for you.

If doctors can do it, why can't I? Just because I haven't been to medical school doesn't mean I can't be observational.

Ok, well maybe my Fiance should have said that within minutes he could tell I had Borderline Personality Disorder...because I actually do (I've been diagnosed with it). Either way, my Fiance isn't a total pro when it comes to knowledge about Bipolar Disorder so he probably thought that you could tell when someone's Bipolar within minutes. Maybe he just forgot what he learned in College. He has had 3 years of Psychology so he's not entirely stupid when it comes to mental illness. I honestly didn't know you couldn't tell within minutes myself. I guess I got Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder mixed up and thought you could tell sooner with the Bipolar than with the Borderline Personality Disorder. I have learning disabilities. None that are diagnosed but I was in a special ED class when I was in Elementary School. I was home schooled in 7th and 8th grade because I had the learning problems. And in high school I went to a charter school for kids to be able to learn at their own pace. And I am slighty Autistic I'm pretty sure and I wasn't even the one that noticed it first. It was my Fiance that noticed it. And I am in the process of getting a Psychologist that can make a diagnosis of what is causing all my difficulties in life besides Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, and Social Anxiety Disorder. The PTSD and the Social Anxiety Disorder are not officially in my file. For some reason the doctor didn't see a reason to officially diagnose me with them. He just verbally diagnosed me.

As I just explained to someone else...not really obviously.

Oh sh**, I guess I missed that.

Because doctors CAN'T do it . . . that's the point. It generally takes quite a bit of observation, med trials, process of elimination, psych testing for any of us to get a reliable diagnosis. It takes some skill to differentiate major depression from bipolar depression. Manic-like behaviors can be bipolar, but other diagnosis are often mistaken for mania, like the quick mood changes in borderline personality disorder or the hypervigilance and anxiety in PTSD.

And the doctors, with all their training still get diagnosis wrong a good portion of the time. Understand that these kinds of diagnoses don't come quickly or easily, and you really can't do it yourself or based on a few years of psychology classes.

I just have to ask.... why do you keep self-diagnosing? At this rate, your list of DXes is (and yes, I know they aren't all self-diagnosed):

Bipolar
Borderline
SAD
ADHD
PTSD
Schizoaffective
Autistic Spectrum
Learning Disability
Fibrio
Lupus

Try just trusting your doctors. Unless they put it on your file, then they are not absolutely positive.

Ripose: Sorry to hijack your thread!

No problem it happens all the time on many different threads in different forums. It's very common so it does not bother me at all.

How did she not know right from the start?
There is no way I could hide being manc or depressed
You said that she is not observant, but wow oh wow, how can you miss it?

Not everyone's symptoms present the same. I know someone who was off her meds and in remission for 10 years. In the meantime she got married and she never told her husband that she had it. It only came out years later when she had a manic episode.