When to tell your date your secret

Hi everyone,

I've started dating again recently after several years of not seriously dating. I'm 28 and I'm looking for a serious relationship. In your opinion, what's a good time to tell the person you're dating you have bipolar? I'm debating this. It seems like telling them too soon will potentially scare them off, while telling them when you're already pretty deep in is dishonest. I am thinking right at that borderline between casual-serious?

Any thoughts?

Thanks!

I don't even have a secret....

I personally go with "when it comes up", because there really isn't a right time for anything. Life happens and unfolds as it will.

I know many people here have had less than desirable experiences (Read godawful) with divulging their dx, and Idk if that has anything to do with when or how they divulge, or if they are just generally surrounded by craptastic people... but I do know, plenty here have been burned.

Me? I've never bothered to hide my dx from anyone, not friends. family, bf, or any employers.... And it's not because I wear my dx like a badge and shout it from the roof tops. I'm just comfortable with taking an opening when I'm presented with it, and completely disregard timelines.

For example: A bunch of friends hanging out watching a reality show with a BP character and someone makes an ignorant remark, or a coworker makes an off key BP remark; I boldly and swiftly interject, clarify, rectify or whatever. Then they ask "wow how do you even know all this stuff?", and I'm like, "because I also have BP, DUH"

For some reason, I've had very "good luck" about being so casual about my dx, but I know this is not everyone else's reality, so i'm not suggesting you randomly mention it to every Tom Drick and Harry.

Maybe you should post a poll and see what the results are, then take it from there.

I would have a tendency to think that if they are that easily frightened then they aren't the right one. Having a relationship with us is not for the feint of heart:-)

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though I am not nearly as courageous as Tippen they do need to know ,

if , you have symptoms beyond your control , if something happens then I would tell them , right then , other wise I would wait ,

now I am old school , I know the younger generation jump into bed almost on the first date , but (being a little slower romantically) I would tell before I became physically "involved" . ...

I think when you have 'the talk.' You don't want to have an episode without the person knowing what was going on. Maybe 3rd-4th date?

Ditto. Pretty much all my friends (and family due to the call tree) know I'm Sza-BP type and that I have anxiety issues. I used to be scared, then I started wondering why. If I want people to understand more, I need to be candid about it.

Eta: I probably wouldn't bust it out on a first date, though.

I'm pretty open with most as well. I was already married when I received my dx, so no need for romantic divulgence. Heck, he even suspected something was up before I did.

In terms of friendships - the closer the person is, the more they know of my situation. Most at work will get the elevator speech of having a much harder time dealing with my brother's death (partly true). Those closer will get the BP dx.

It's all in how you want to frame it and to whom.

I've decided that I'm going to tell them when it comes up or when commitment is pending. I've got a long list of skeletons and I do consider mental health one of them.

I'm going to treat it like my divorce and divulge the information at that time.

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I would tell them on the first date. Mention it casually while you're introducing yourself. For example: "I went to the University of California, I like to golf, I love sushi, and I'm bipolar. How about you?"

Glad you came to some kind of conclusion. I am in the same boat in terms of dating someone new and not knowing how to tell them I never want to get pregnant because I'm afraid of postpartum psychosis and depression. I am thinking that will come after the commitment talk. But casually mentioning a dx is a difficult thing to do. I wish you luck.

this is perfect!

i dont want to be with somebody if they have fears and are not accepting of my mental health.

honestly, if it was the first date I most likely wouldnt say anything. idk thoiugh, havent gone on a real date in quite some time.

If you really like your date and having deep conversation getting to know eachother, I think it would be appropriate to mention it. it always feels good to get it off your chest.




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I am very private of my diagnosis, purely because for me, personally, I have been very burned by confessions in the past. For meeting people and developing regular, basic friendships, I would never go there. When it starts to get to that supportive point, where you begin to lean on each other, I usually slip it in as content dictates. I never just drop a bomb, but rather wait patiently for that time when I can slip it in.

For me, it allows them to get to know me a develop an opinion of me outside of a disease. I have arthritis as well and I seriously struggle with it, and I don't disclose that out of the gate either. I think I deserve more attention than my diseases in the beginning. Then again, I have been burned badly before.

I'd say, don't put a time frame for it. Let things just progress naturally, and when it feels like the right time or there is a perfect opportunity, go for it. Just don't wait until you are "commited" to each other.

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