[SilverSprings]

So, I feel like I am always here to complain. However, I need to do that again, and am doing so despite having some really awesome days. Yes they do happen.

Something really weird started happening however, about a year or so once I started living w/ my boyfriend. I starting to fight and fight w/ him, more and more (similar to how my Ex-husband and i did...) It was one of the tip offs that things were not right. Then my ED acted way up, i got 'high' off starving myself. And dieting, drinking, smoking...

Fast forward- It seems the fighting has gotten less since diagnosis, but more intense, violent and scary. I dont know if i had it but last weekend it felt like I went psychotic. My BF had to call my T. It SUCKED and i am still getting over it! No one believes me when I tell them (family who know me for ex) that I am capable of kicking things and giving myself these bruises, smacking myself, yelling i want to die. I dont want that to happen anymore. BF almost called my parents (they know nothing, other then that I am in therapy). I keep wondering if i should tell my mom. Stuff got bad the other day My BF had to grab me and squeeze me and snap me out of it. (T pointed out that this is b/c i grew up w/o boundaries, and I am pushing him to the brink so that he freaks out and pushes back/ reacts ie: puts boundaries in place).

I told him that I really hope this was bottom. I was destroying things in the house- things i love ... making a scene, im sure the neighbors can hear. Its FK humiliating.

That aside, I was scared last week when Pdoc told me that she sensed some Borderline traits. My T said that I am bi-polar and have BP tendencies (not the full blown disorder). She said having both is very tough, it is hard, and that is why things are so difficult. I am a bit relieved I am not full blown, however I dont really know the diff? And also, she said i am rapid cycling, but then I told her my Pdoc said i wouldn't really be able to function. (she agreed, but didn't correct herself ?) Anyone here understand that?

I noticed that the littlest bit of stress these days really puts me over the edge. I have loaded up on homeopathic remedies... to alleviate so I can function in normal life.

Im sorry to keep coming here complaining but this is no joke... I am a normal adult, by all appearances, have things together- but then underneath I have these deep secrets. And when I do share them, I feel like its not me i am describing, its a movie or play about someone other then me.

Heres hoping tapering OFF prozac this week and up last week on Lamictal will help. Plus some new therapies, which gave me a feeling of hope.

I am hopeful that this was indeed bottom. I have more answers now.

Does anyone here have both BP and BPD? Or PTSD?

[BadWolfC]

I am diagnosed as bipolar but I suspect BPD, it fits me way more than bipolar does and I'm not even sure which bipolar sub-type I'm supposed to be. I've heard that it is common for the two to be mistaken for one another. I am waiting to have an appointment with my psychiatrist next month for a possible re-diagnosis. Here is a good article about it if you would like to read about BPD, I found it very useful. I have 8 of the 9 symptoms listed which makes me very sure that I have it, along with the fact that myself and my doctors have suspected that something else is going on with me. I would also recommend checking out the BPD forum, it's helped me quite a bit.

Borderline Personality Disorder: Symptoms, Treatment, and Recovery

I hope you can find some stability soon, I understand what it's like to feel like everything is falling apart. Best wishes.

[raspberrytorte]

I don't have bpd now, but I think in my early twenties I may have had it, but grew out of it.

When you're angry is it so consuming that you have to throw something, break something, punch a hole in a wall, or you'll literally explode? I used to have some pretty bad anger issues, where I did stuff like that. I still do, but it's not as intense as it used to be (maybe because of the lamictal?).

You mentioned an increase in your lamictal? I hope that helps.

Hope you feel better soon. I can really relate to the all consuming anger thing. Hugs.

[gina_re]

I've also wondered about the overlap between bipolar and bpd. In fact my very first appointment with my first time at the age of 19 I suspected I had bpd and he convinced me otherwise. But looking back now, there are similarities. I think we covered this in one of my classes but I guess because the dsm4 had axial classification versus the current dsm, I think they can be comorbid if you are able to verify symptoms over a period of time. Either way, I think most of my symptoms fit the bd symptomology anyway. Let us know how it goes!

Oh wait, I think bpd is more responsive to dbt versus medication..

[SilverSprings]

Thank you- great links and info.
I have read allot and yes I fit well in BPD ... My BF read some and agreed also. My T said i have BPD tendancies (traits) but not full blown... and I also have BP2. I think I want another opinion.. As my Pdoc is good, but she also doesn't give firm answers I need.

I can't really get anywhere lately with my Drs- I have been really considering changing therapist, as I confided with my Pdoc. Esp after recently she starting to put all the blame on my boyfriend also saying our relationship has deep issues. That he is very emotionally closed, etc... (she only met him once, for 45 minutes, and he was so supportive, holding my hand, telling her he is in this for the long haul with me, wants a long future togethr... How is that closed? lol)..

Honestly- I think it is me that has most of the blame! He is a rock for me in these days, I am mad at her for shaking things up.. I started doubting my RL big time after that appt. Perhaps I will call a few therapists, I dont think i need to stay with one who doesn't suit me... :/

The lamictal seems to be helping and tapering off Prozac seems to also be helping. I know they all say that Im on such a small dose it wouldn't affect me, and i wouldn't have withdrawl etc... but as someone very sensetive to meds, and having major withdrawl trying to get off 15 mg of Prozac last year (i failed and started taking again)... I know it impacts me. So I am on 5mg now, and will taper off to 0 in the next week or so... i am not rushing it.

Heres hoping that this will work as I can't put myself or my BF through this drama anymore!!

I just wish there was a clear way to know if i am BP2 or not, or simply BPD. The treatments are similar but my focus would be a little different ....