[notthisagain]

When I get into my bipolar depression episodes, I feel needy, but at the same time, I withdraw from people because I don't think that they really want to talk about it. I get frustrated when I try to talk to someone and it's clear from their responses that they truly don't understand. Or worse, they barrage me with a list of problems that they are going through, which gives me anxiety. I get that friends are supposed to help each other out, and I do give them my ear, but, when it's my turn, I feel as though they are not listening, but waiting for me to stop talking so that they can talk about what they want to talk about.

I do go to a therapist, but I have had to lengthen the time between my appointments because of the cost. An appointment that used to have a co-pay of $17 dollars is now $70 because I now have a high deductible. It would be even more expensive if my T weren't willing to work with me outside of my insurance company. I have a journal, actually tow, one that I have on my computer, and one I keep in my purse. That only goes so far.

How do you all deal with the loneliness?

[wildflowerchild25]

I have no advice but just wanted to tell you I understand. Loneliness is a big struggle for me, especially now that my husband is gone. It has truly highlighted the fact that I never had any friends that were just mine. But even when I do have friends I don't ever invite them out because I'm sure they would never want to hang out with me. I've always been like this. Most of the time it doesn't bother me but sometimes, especially now, I'm crushed by it.

The only thing I do is go out by myself (or with my son) and do the things I would have done with a friend if I had one.

[notthisagain]

When I do go out, it's usually by myself. Even when I do go out with a friend, I still feel isolated. I'd like to be able to talk more openly about my MI, but they just don't understand. They don't understand that I am on intermittent family medical leave and they seem to think that I just don't go to work, which is not true. Two years ago I was fairly stable and, not only could I go to work every day, I worked overtime when it was available. Now I am on intermittent leave and I have had to be on short-term disability a couple of times. My job is OK with it, but I feel like I have to justify myself to other people and it makes me feel like I am less of a person because I have MI. One person even said that my short-term was a vacation.

I've started going to a support group and it is scary for me. I really hope that these people understand and that eventually I can develop some friendships from that.

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm planning to go to a grief support group when I discharge from my IOP. I too hope to make friendships. I'm just not good at it though. I seriously don't even know how.

Good luck to you. I hope you find some understanding new friends.