[ElisaB]

Hi guys...
I've been gone for what feels like forever. Things haven't been great, just busy. Moved to a different city and things were new and exciting there for a while but now it's all covered in that grey smoke yet it's all quite clear. Things were OK for a little bit. Again, I think the excitement of a new place helped, but this place is whack!!! As soon as we moved here, we were met with some resistance. I overcame it and we got through it... time and time again... until now! Now, I can't deal any more and it's all tumbling down!!
We moved from the beach to the backwoods (I know some people love that, I tried... apparently, not my thing). Moved from a 3/2 to a 1/1 - Made it work. Moved from a culturally diverse city to backwoods racist place, where little black kids called my daughter a white ***** and the bus driver was set on giving us hell! The guy installing our internet stole money from my nighstand and the company did nothing about it after I told them.... This is just the beginning. I overcame these things!
Now, I'm over it. I'm over the people... I'm over this place! I'm over struggling and I'm tired of feeling like a failure! I don't want to be here any more but I don't want to die! I can't move because this place has bled me dry and my husband refuses to sell the stupid house we moved up here because of (the 1/1... which now we rent out and have to rent a 3/2 for ourselves.... so we have a mortgage on the 1/1 we pay MORE than the rent we receive on it AND have to pay rent ourselves). I hate everything!!
The only thing that gives me a shred of joy is my kids and they're driving me crazy with their bickering.... I can't win! I can't stand myself!

[~Christina]

Welcome back Elisa good to see you again.

I wish you were just popping in to see whats up and not in a struggle like this. I am sorry that the move is turning out to not be a good long term thing for you. Do you have a Therapist and Pdoc that you can get some help from?

I'm glad your back, hopefully the support you find here can help in some way

[ElisaB]

I shouldn't have stayed away as long as I did, I missed this place and everyone from it.
Unfortunately, my "doctor" is a hack up here and the therapist is useless. My doctor is in the form of an RN that knows less about my illness and medications than I do. She's the second one in the two years I've been with this place since I have no health insurance but try to stick with my prescriptions. The therapist, while a nice enough guy, didn't seem to have any experience and seemed to concentrate on things that did not matter one way or the other... just gave me more things to get upset about. Even bringing in the husband at one point made it soooo much worse.
Still no support group of any kind. My friends don't live here and burdoning them with all this all the time is cruel. It's bad enough I talk to my mom about it, but keep 90% to myself all the time. My husband still doesn't understand and continues to tell me to "just get over it". My kids are the only ones that see me and give me hugs and tell me they love me and that they need me and that I'm the bestest mom ever... that keeps me going. AND it makes me feel that much more horrible because I feel it's not enough!