Hey y'all, the past few years on meds, I've been really stagnant like....no pulses of inspiration and goal oriented crusades. These moments have shaped my life and taken me places that have been very beneficial to my economic situation, daily routine, and sense of accomplishment (not mentioning the flip side of it).

The only culprit I can figure to the cause of this dead zone I'm floundering in is meds. It makes me feel placid, a lack of want to and desire. It has ran my ship aground. It's wrecked me financially and physically because I momentarily have a spark that's quick to fizzle and fade away. I feel inert.

In a sense, it's causing me grief and depression. I feel suspended in quicksand, drowning and not caring.

I've also gained weight.....lots of weight. I'm so tempted to just hang it up and get back to the way it was....hopefully it'll be the way it was.

The plus that I have is I ultra rapid cycle which means I don't have long bouts of hypo or depression.....which is manageable- a 3 day cycle.

I tried adderoll for the boost, but I ended up eating it like candy so I quit that.

Does anyone have any experiences about it and how did it go for you?

[aBipolarBear]

I can relate to how you are feeling. Unfortunately my only solution is Adderall. It helps boost my mood and give me motivation to carry on through out the day. It is nice to feel and be productive instead of my usual lazy sloth-like self, where my mind and body just seem to drag all day long.

Were you on a long acting or instant release?

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Hey y'all, the past few years on meds, I've been really stagnant like....no pulses of inspiration and goal oriented crusades. These moments have shaped my life and taken me places that have been very beneficial to my economic situation, daily routine, and sense of accomplishment (not mentioning the flip side of it).

The only culprit I can figure to the cause of this dead zone I'm floundering in is meds. It makes me feel placid, a lack of want to and desire. It has ran my ship aground. It's wrecked me financially and physically because I momentarily have a spark that's quick to fizzle and fade away. I feel inert.

In a sense, it's causing me grief and depression. I feel suspended in quicksand, drowning and not caring.

I've also gained weight.....lots of weight. I'm so tempted to just hang it up and get back to the way it was....hopefully it'll be the way it was.

The plus that I have is I ultra rapid cycle which means I don't have long bouts of hypo or depression.....which is manageable- a 3 day cycle.

I tried adderoll for the boost, but I ended up eating it like candy so I quit that.

Does anyone have any experiences about it and how did it go for you?

From my understanding from doing research and having a few friends with BP in the past, they stopped taking meds for that reason. They thought it affected their creativity, etc. I'm experiencing it now that I've been diagnosed and they had me on Lithium and that didn't work, and now I'm Depakote. I walk around the house now and look out windows. I've never done that in my life! I don't feel like doing anything at all! However, I know the consequences if I don't figure this out and I'll take this over that! I've put my family through too much turmoil and I can't do that anymore. Hugs!

[HeartShapedBox]

I completely feel you.

I use to be creative and the life of the part, I was an Ironman Triathlete 3 years ago. Now I barely have the energy to get off the couch. I miss my old self and being 50lbs lighter. As of lately I have been contemplating not taking my meds.

Its hard to choose the lesser of two evils.

I feel for you!

[Jensitive22]

I can totally relate to what you're experiencing Always Changing. You described it really well. The thing is, though, I am not on meds. I had to stop (gradually) my meds after losing my insurance last year. I haven't been on meds for 9 months, so I don't know if going off meds is going to improve your situation. Granted, I don't suffer anymore from side effects or feeling like I'm drugged, but I am dealing with rapid cycling between depression, intense irritability, anxiety, and feeling somewhat ok. What I don't feel is stable long enough to try to get my life back on track. I feel stuck.

Lesser of 2 evils....meds are new to me, like I'm 47...and I'm lucky to have done okay.

I don't reccomend this to anyone, but the ability to rally in time of need has always saved my butt. Right now, everything is falling apart....and I'm just watching. Time for some proactive action. It'll take awhile, but at least it's going to happen.

The worst that can happen is that I discover that I need to be medicated.

Most of all the others are in agreement....we've been subdued long enough.