I've dug up a trauma from my past and I want it to go away again!!!

Little background, I'm 32 diagnosed with bipolar I and anxiety/panic disorder.
So I have this friend who also has bipolar disorder and borderline traits, I work in the field as a counselor and I think she has borderline personality disorder but I digress. She has been going through a bout of sever depression recently and I've been helping her through it. In one of her angry outbursts regarding where her depression is stemming from she told me I don't understand bc "mine is worse than yours. You don't know anything about depression" now I know this comment was made out of her situation and she didn't mean it as you can't compare yours to anyone's no one knows but you how it truly feels. I know I've said some things I didn't mean lashing out when depressed or manic however later in the day alone I got annoyed. I usually have good control over my emotions after 15 years since be diagnosed but it still got to me. So like a complete jerk I thought "you wanna bet whose is worse!" And I begin thinking of all the things I went through: loneliness, cutting, mixed episodes, isolation that started in high school, no friends, delusional episodes and then it happened...an incident when I was 11 years old cropped up. I hadn't thought about this in over ten years. Don't want to get into to much detail but here are broad strokes: 11 sleeping at my cousins an older 18 year old cousin came into my bed and violated me. At the time I didn't tell anyone I didn't know if it was normal or not being 11 but it scared me. So I buried it but now because I had to act childish to "beat" her at whose illness is worse I've opened Pandora's box and I can't get it out my head for the past three weeks. I keep hearing him whisper in my ear laying on top of me. I've never told anyone about it. I remember the whole night in great detail. I liked feeling indifferent and numb not remembering. My medication controls my emotions well and prevent me from slipping dramatically to different moods but now I'm ****ed. I want these thoughts to go away and I want to forgot it again. Being a counselor I know the healthy way to handle the situation but I don't want that. I want to bury it and never think of it again. Can someone tell me how they do that? I was perfectly fine before I drudged it up. Now I have depression, with that flu sick type physical pain, anxiety and completely vulnerable. I hate it. Ignorance is bliss and I want to go back to that. Now.

Hugs!
I hate to say it but you need to distance yourself from your friend with the BP/Borderline. I feel bad that she's obviously struggling but she seems to be the type who wants you to go down the rabbit hole with her. You need love & understanding.
What are some healthy rituals that you have helped you in the past? You may want to write a list of the positive things you have to look forward to; express your pain through poetry or art- just get it out of your system and let it on the page; maybe a letter to your 11 year old self letting her know that you fought some battles & continue to battle- but that you're stronger now.
unfortunately, I had to cut out of a friend who has borderline- may be bipolar as well- and she was trying to drag me down with her. I hit my breaking point. While I wish that she would get better, I've accepted that she doesn't want to try. Since then- my moods have really stabilized.
unfortunately there aren't any shortcuts. hope you take care of yourself.

I have PTSD and have a lot of memories coming back from over 15 years ago. I numbed myself for all that time but my treatment providers (I went IP at a PTSD program) told me that it always comes up eventually. If it wasn't this "competition" with your friend, it would have likely been something else.

I'm not going to give you tips on numbing it out again. What you need to do is find a therapist who specializes in trauma or a trauma group in your area. You can also read up on DBT and emotional regulation (sounds like you already know with your counseling experience). The previous poster's suggestion of writing a letter to your 11 yr old self is spot-on. I did that in IP and it helped tremendously.

You may also benefit from some short-term anxiety meds until things calm down. I wish you best of luck in dealing with this. You don't want it haunting you off and on for the rest of your life

There's a great book called Back to Life. I had some traumatic experiences come back to me last year and I think that contributed to my breakdown. This book has helped me get past some things.
http://www.amazon.com/Back-Life-Resi.../dp/B005Q5SJ7U

And yeah, avoid the toxic coworker. You don't have to deal with that.

Yea I been feeling I need to that. I feel really bad doing it but it's going to keep getting worse. She's such a great person but it's typical borderline I can't be around. It's erratic love hate I'm a savior then I'm a jerk. Now I'm dealing with my our stuff, which I don't blame her for it was bound to come at me at some point, and I can't deal with added stress.
I do a lot of writing so that's where I'm at now with it. Maybe therapy. I been seeing my psychiatrist for like 8 years and she doesn't know. She gives me therapy once a month but I will probably need something more intensive. Thank you for your advice.

Ill definitely check it out. Thanks.

Totally agree it was gunna come up, don't hold any ill will towards her for that at all.
I work in the field and I see it all the time i steps I need to take but obviously it's easier on that side of things rather than the victim. I know a lot about dbt and seen it help a lot of people I may try that. Thank you for sharing too. I have klonipin as needed, I've had anxiety forever and that helps.