[CopperStar]

I'm going through one right now. It's probably been building for a while, but I really feel it today. Like I don't really need my meds, and they're just making me fat and stupid.

I think it started at my last pdoc appointment. I went into it with a positive attitude, since I was reporting that the meds seemed to be working. But my pdoc made a fuss about my weight.

Ever since then I've been trying to lose weight with no success, and I just feel increasingly frustrated. I broke open a Symbyax capsule and a tiny amount of white powder fell out. I studied it and wondered if I really needed it, or if it's just turning me into a zombie potato.

Then lately I've been also feeling like I don't care about hardly anything, not even things that I used to care a great deal about.

Except for my weight, I seem to care a lot about that since my last pdoc appointment. Maybe it always bothered me from the beginning, I don't know. She asked me how I felt about putting on so much weight. I said I didn't really care, and in that moment, I didn't. But she cared, a lot, and started talking about how I'll have to switch meds if I can't stop gaining.

I just want to quit taking my meds and see what happens. I'm curious. I'm frustrated. I want to lose weight. I want to know what happens if I stop taking them.

I know it's supposedly super common for people with BP to want to quit taking their meds - and to quit taking their meds - and I'm definitely in that mental state right now.

[raspberrytorte]

I'm in that state right now too. You are not alone.

[Nammu]

Sometimes I wonder if it's the world that needs meds and not us.

[secretgalaxy]

I'm going through the same thing right now. I know I will lose weight and feel great without my meds. But I also remember how crazy I went the last time I went off my med and while it was really hard for my family, I wouldn't mind being manic for just a little while. I feel like I can control it but in the end, it is all very unpredictable.

[raspberrytorte]

I feel like I used to care passionately about things too. Right now I feel like part of myself was just taken away. I don't like it. I know there were bad aspects to the way I once was, but not all of it was bad. Parts of it were actually quite beautiful. I wish I could keep the good parts and just get rid of the bad parts, but I know that's impossible. I can't have just one because unfortunately they come together. It really makes me sad. I just feel so dumbed down now!

[WibblyWobbly]

A few weeks ago I decided I was sick of being fat so I went off my meds. I was skipping meals and I can't take lithium on an empty stomach, it's given me an ulcer before. Five days later my mom called the cops on me because I was out of control. Luckily, they didn't have enough of a reason to hospitalize me. Being on meds sucks but the alternative is worse if you're not in remission.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Im gonna drop some gradually. I feel fine really. Kind of depressed but I think I am ok. Im tired of having to keep going to the pharmacy and remembering to take them and I hahte hate hate having to tell other Dr s how much meds I take.

[cmorales]

I am sort of in the same boat. Recently I've been contemplating going off meds for similar reasons. Though, at least for the time being, I have decided to give it another shot. I see my pdoc on Friday and I'm going to ask for a tweak/switch in hopes of regaining some motivation/energy. I desperately need to lose weight.

[kimber1234]

5'2", 200 lbs. I've gained 45 lbs since I started my meds 6 years ago. I've tried for 6 months to lose weight and dropped 4 lbs. I feel so fat and ugly. I want to accept myself, but I'm having a hard time doing it. I hear you. I'm exactly where you are!