[BeyondtheRainbow]

I have officially reached the point where I will spend hours laying in bed staring at the walls curled up like a pillbug. That is generally a sign that I will be going back to IP soon. I see my pdoc Monday. I can't believe how fast the tiny gains I had made slipped away. Stupid depression.

[Mountainbard]

I'm sorry your gains have slipped away. I'm glad you're seeing your pdoc, and if you need to go IP to get out of pillbug mode won't it be worth it? I hope things work out for you and you get to feeling better.

[LettinG0]

^^^ Me too....

Hang in there Beyond.....I know you are having a rough stretch....but you will get through it!

[gayleggg]

Improvements can certainly be fleeting at times. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

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[BeyondtheRainbow]

This afternoon I found out that my cat's pancreatitis is really dangerous. Normal levels are below 3.0 and his is 50. The vet said the wrong food can kill him. She wants him on prescription food. Plus his kidneys are in the high normal range and she wants him on kidney food. She's trying to find if there is a food appropriate for both. In the meantime I'm trying to tell her that my other cat becomes deathly ill from any grain and even though she has end stage renal failure (according to them she should have died over a year ago and she's thriving) she's been on a diet contrary to recommendations for years. I told her that a food I use a lot was probably very low fat but I didn't have any to look. She kept pressing that I need the prescription food and that he can die if I feed him wrong.

I understand that he must be on a low-fat diet. However a food that I've used a lot is below the fat threshhold she gave me. It has too much protein for kidney failure but I've decided that I can only do so much and I'm not treating kidneys right now, if ever. For one thing I'm overwhelmed. For another his kidneys are high normal; we can recheck in 6 months and see how they are. Finally, I've been dealing with a cat in renal failure for 7 years. I decided at the beginning that I wasn't going to do a special diet that she'd hate and was expensive. And 7 years later you'd have to do labs to believe her kidneys are bad. I may make different choices for him as time goes by but right now we're treating one problem at a time and we're doing it my way unless the vet has a specific reason my low fat food won't work. She's probably pretty frustrated with me (I left a confusing message then realized I had been confusing and probably obnoxious and left a 2nd message which she did not return). I'm going to just be honest with her and tell her that I cannot cope with this right now beyond getting his fat content down. He probably feels pretty bad although he has perked up a bit this evening. He did finally just ask me for food and ate a couple tablespoons of tuna. So glad for that little thing.

But still so incredibly overwhelmed.

[cashart10]

I'm so sorry for you and I'm sorry I haven't been around, posting and pming you much these days. I'm sorry. I hope things brighten for you and I think you are a wonderful, caring person. You deserve happiness, love, and compassion. I hope you don't have to go IP again but I hope if you need it, you do go and I hope that it leads you on a road to peace. I know things are rough and rocky and I understand.

All my love,
Sarah

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Cash-I'm GLAD you've been feeling well enough to not be hanging around here so much. I'm sorry you are back but I'm hoping you've got a short stay this time.

I see my pdoc Monday and I think I'm going to go IP next week unless she has something that will help OP. If I was approved for ECT I'm ready to do that. If not I'm not really thinking I'm in a good place to wait out a med change at home. We'll see what she says. There's not a big chance she'll have anything to offer that isn't going to require IP. My meds are maxed out and so any change is a big one. And I'm feeling a little fragile for that to be done at home.

Yet leaving my sick kitty at home (plus the old one who is hard to leave always) isn't easy either.

My mind is just going in circles. Which is part of why I need IP.

My therapist told me that he talked to the other staff about me trying to get help with how to help me. He kept telling me that he doesn't want anything to happen. (ie he's scared I'll kill myself). And that concern came up before I gave him something I was scared I'd hurt myself with. So I asked him to email my pdoc so she gets more than what I'm able to get out. He said something about calling her too. So hopefully she'll know how bad it is before I get there.

Anyway, thank you. I hope you start feeling better soon.

[WibblyWobbly]

Sick kitties make me so sad! I totally know what you're going through, I've been there. It's really hard when you have two that might need separate diets. It would be hard to keep them away from each other's food. It sounds like you're thinking things out well though and being considerate of your limitations right now. Hugs

[avlady]

huggs for your kitties!!i sure know they are in good care with you!!!