[detfan4life]

I've been having a very stressful couple of weeks and I'm afraid that this will turn into a situation that I can't deal with, causing me to have another BP problem. I've had stressful periods since my dx but I think right about now this is becoming the most intense and longest-lasting challenge. Both of my grandfathers are in the hospital, I am facing some career-ending decisions brought about by my medical leave, and I am losing support due to very close friends moving out of state. My recent med trials haven't been going very well and there are some other stresses mixed in there too. I keep beating myself up for having a hard time with this when other people could manage it, which I know isn't good. I'm trying to spend time in self care but lately I am spending that energy ruminating instead. I'm getting scared of having another episode and feeling like a failure again.

So I guess I just wanted to write that out, and to ask: Are there certain ways you take care of yourself only when life seems extremely stressful and you've exhausted everything else? Or do you tend to use the same strategies but maybe with greater intensity as needed? When you feel lke you're doing everything you can but need something more, where do you look for ideas?

[Edgar's Mom]

Do you have a therapist or someone to talk to? Or any person that you can turn to for support?

I'm thinking of that saying that when one door closes another opens... I know it's a cliche, but with your friends leaving, I hope someone else moves in to fill the space.

It's hard to make new friends. I'm 46 and because of my husband's job we've had big moves every 5 years. The first was from Ontario to Saskatchewan (like Michegan to North Dakota) then the second was up to Northern BC just south of the Alaskan border, then 16 hours South to Southern BC.

Each time we move, we have to make new friends. That gets harder and harder the older I get, and it's not easy being BP.

But... I really feel like I've been blessed with the people who have come into my life. I have made some good starts on new friendships that I know will grow over time.

I also rely heavily on my very close friends who are in different time zones, but we stay in close contact on the phone. I suggest you do this with your friends who are leaving. it's not as good as being together, but I have very close friendships of many years that I maintain this way.

The trick is always meeting people. If you are well enough to be social, and you have a hobby you are passionate about, I suggest joining a club or doing what you can to pursue it.

I'm a photographer and I joined a camera club up North and through that made two very good photographer friends. We shot together at least once a week and explored beautiful places together.

I ride horses and I always meet people through that. If I can get out of this depression I'm going to take an art class and learn to paint.

So I would say that if you are well enough, and "up" enough, pursue something you are passionate about. Even if it is something you've always wanted to do but never have. It's never too late to start.

Fearing another episode and having anxiety about it is pointless. You are better to not fret about that and deal with what comes. You know about self fulfilling prophecy I suppose...

Self care is more than journalling and therapy. It's also getting out there and living life. Maybe because I've been so depressed, all I can think of to tell you is to get out there if you can and live.

Don't worry about whether you will have an episode. There will always be another episode at some point. No point worrying about it till it comes.

I would say that after sleep/nutrition/exercise and therapy etc, that recreation is hugely important. Go out and have some fun :-)