[boydisappearing]

I just got out of my 5th hospitalization and I'm feeling kind of hopeless. I'm turning 32 in a week, I've gone nowhere, I've tried almost every med out there, without success. I still feel low, I have to defer all of my university work because the doc doesn't want me back at school right away.

I see my own psychiatrist today so I'll see what she says about the meds the hospital put me on.

Am I ever going to have a life that I want to live? I'm thinking of trying to figure out who I want to be and breaking it down into smaller steps.

[Victoria'smom]

It takes a little ajustment to who you want to be but you can live a life worth living. Are you in therapy? What hobbies do you have?

[boydisappearing]

I'm just about to start therapy today. I want to be a writer, specifically, a playwright. I've been looking into getting grants to write, and I have a couple of shows that are finished or almost finished that I'd like to produce. I figure working for myself is best, because I'm working for someone else right now and I was so scared they would fire me for being away for 3 weeks while I was inpatient.

[Victoria'smom]

I feel you can be a successful writer and still have bd.

Some of the most creative and intelligent writers have struggled with mental illness. You have a lot of life in front of you.

[boydisappearing]

Thanks. I love the theatre, and wanted to be an actor at one point. I was going to a performing arts school studying musical theatre, but dropped out due to mental health issues. I see so many alumni doing professional theatre and I feel like a failure. My life is interrupted every year or two with a hospitalization. I just hope I can have a meaningful life at some point.

[Unrigged64072835]

You're not a failure. Just because your path took a different turn doesn't mean you can't go back and succeed. It's hard to have faith in yourself now because you're feeling low but at least have hope that things will get better. You won't be low forever (even though it feels like it).