I just don't

I'm not really depressed. I just have no motivation to do anything. I'm dreading the arrival of some mean relatives. I mean really dreading it! I just want to skip town but I can't.

Sometimes I'm too depressed to have the motivation to be depressed, just blank

I don't feel sad really but I shut down everytime they come. She reminds me if my abysive stepmother and maybe it triggers me. I just know I feel numb

I never feel motivated unless I am high on massive amounts coffee, shopping, or up all night on the computer. I am on medication, but it doesn't seem to work as much as it used to. I sleep a lot or not at all. I am also on Trazadone. It won't put me to sleep until the next morning.

I haven't sleep well for over a week. I took my remeron and the gabapentin last night and tossed and turned then had another vivid bad dream. I dont like this

The holidays are such fun arent they? (Insert sarcastic tone)

Im going to the in laws for the holidays. There I have had my meds stolen by junkies, have no bed to sleep in (couch if im lucky) so never get the closeness i need from my fiance at night.

I feel out of place, my routine gets mashed dont eat until 10 pm which is bedtime and as i said no real place to sleep. Then everyone is up early like 6 am early and generally under these circumstances i sleep late so everyone waits for me. Making me feel bad by calling me lazybones or sleepyhead. Sorry for needing sleep.

Also fiance reverts back to bad behaviours childlike and other things.

I am dreading the holidays. So I get you, I hear you and can relate.

The arrival of mean relatives would make me feel bad, too. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. As to having no motivation, when I came out of my most recent depression I had a hard time motivating myself at first. It's gotten better over time. I hope once the relatives leave you'll feel better and find some motivation.

yes I dread their arrival each year. She reminds me so much of my abusive stepmother which may be why I get triggered or something I don't know. Im just so scared and anxious and dreading it.