[estrella]

Has anyone else experienced thoughts of hurting other people?

When I was 12, I kept a diary and often wrote of the thoughts and expressed my guilt and shame that surrounded them. They've gotten better over the years, but I have developed more BD symptoms in their absence.

I remember having a thought of punching my mother and asking her if she were okay, her saying no, and then saying, "Well, now you're not." My mother read the entry with this and automatically assumed I WANTED to do that to her.

It dawned on me last night that having these thoughts goes hand in hand with the aggressiveness I experience when I'm manic, and even though I have BD II (hypomanic), many times I experience dysphoric mania, which would make sense with these thoughts.

My question is, though, just because someone has thoughts, it doesn't mean they want to do what they're thinking, right?

I can be aggressive and destructive if triggered. And still have "bad" thoughts of hurting people and myself. I've been in one fight, provoked, and another in self defense. Maybe they aren't applicable justifications for my actions mostly due to my diagnoses, to some. Like my mother. But I wish my mother hadn't made me feel even guiltier for these thoughts, because I honestly feel they cannot be controlled. Or at least at that time when she was being abusive. I have yet to recognize every trigger. But the majors ones I know.

Hopefully I'm not alone in this?

[WibblyWobbly]

I am not sure if I've had thoughts about hurting other people but I've had fantasies about hurting myself or dying when I had no intention of doing it. When I was little I used to have daydreams about people crying at my funeral, but it didn't mean I wanted to die.

[Unrigged64072835]

Yes--your thoughts are just that, thoughts. They don't necessarily mean an impetus to do anything. I have negative thoughts all the time, and I have to counter that with cognitive therapy. It's when I start building a plan to act on those thoughts that I get in serious trouble.

[Victoria'smom]

I get homicidal thoughts and my anti-psychotic helps with them a lot. please talk to your pdoc.

[Standup2me]

Very much when I am manic. I feel like taking a bat to the guy in the pick-up truck behind me who stays a centimetre from my bumper. I feel like slapping the kid in Walmart whose every second words starts with F. I want to shove spuds in exhaust of the moron down the street who leaves for work at 5am and revs the heck out of his engine.

I actually got out of the car once, and kicked in the door-panels of a car, while asking them which one of you M*****F****** wants to die first.

Yes, for me mania = rage

[Vivienhoney]

Not sure if I'm totally off here so someone correct me if I am but are they like intrusive thoughts and thinking or writing them down helps you like, get through it? Like you have the thought and then visualise what it would be like if it happened but it's not that you actually WANT to do it? I have that and my psyc says its Part of my OCD not my bipolar? But to answer you, yes I do that a lot. I imagine horrible things sometimes but I wouldn't actually DO those things and sometimes I'm shocked or scared that I even thought them...

[ablankscript]

My pdoctor tells me that everyone time to time can have violent thoughts, but it is Ocd that makes you focus and ruminate on those thoughts and letting them bother you. It seems that are certain times with bipolar I am more agressive, but being agressive and having violent homicidal intrusive thoughts are 2 different things.

I certainly struggle with intrusive thoughts. Mostly it's self harm- if I think about something I did wrong or if something bad happens I immediately think of cutting. Mind you, I haven't cut in probably ten years, but those thoughts still pop up almost daily.
I think it's all about the intent. I mean, if you have these thoughts and really struggle to not act on them, that's more dangerous. I would certainly talk about it with your therapist or pdoc.

[PumpkinPieHead]

I also struggle with this. For me, I will have the urge to slap people. for. no. reason.

[estrella]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. Suppose there's no real shame in the thoughts, so long as they don't become reality. I hope everyone hangs in their if they're still experiencing them.

I want to punch people. I don't consider that wanting to harm people. A lot of non-mentally ill want to punch people they are mad at.