[ezogyo]

I realized this happened few months after I was taking Bipolar meds, Risperidone and Valproic. It's like, my feelings and emotions are all flat for most of the things that used to give me pleasure. This is one of the reason I've gone off those meds totally 3 months ago, but I'm still facing this problem. It's like I don't know what to feel about a particular thing I do or events/situations that happen around me. It might sound like Anhedonia, but I don't think it is because mine is not related to depression. I'm still interested to do so many things that I always enjoy doing but I don't get the joy out of it(even when I really want to). Oddly enough, I don't feel sad either when I'm depressed or even cry due to it as compared to last time. The hopelessness feeling is there but don't feel it "physically". On a side note, I feel sleepy all the time ever since(even though I sleep more than 10hours a day) and due to that my head feels heavy. I find it very hard to communicate with people when I need to, can't focus properly too. It kind of feels like my brain is deteriorating. I don't know whats happening to me...

Some examples:
1) This is the worst one. I am very fond of music and I've collected thousands of it over the years. To me, those music used to be a powerful thing. It's like, the moment I heard them, I felt like I was in that period of time I heard them, sometimes the events or incidents that had happened in my life. It used to give me the feelings, be it happy or sad. But now, it doesn't give me the nostalgic vibe or stimulate me anymore. It's like i'm hearing the song for the first time again which sucks because the feeling I get out of it is priceless to me and I can't have that.
2) I used to be mad crazy about TV shows and movies, when new season or movies premiered I would feel so excited about it. Currently, I feel like i'm forcing myself to feel excited, even when I'm watching it. I just can't get into the show. Even when I look back at the old episodes I used to relate to it so much, I don't feel a thing.
3) I should be feeling proud of myself for losing a lot of weight over the months but I don't feel a thing. I am aware that I should be feeling sooo over the moon but alas I feel like a freakin' mannequin.
4) When someone talks to me about something interesting, I usually give a "poker face" because it don't ignite any feelings in me. It is so embarrassing and it gives me panic attack just thinking how pathetic I'm appearing to them. It never happened before when I was out of depression btw.

And there are plenty plenty more to add to the list.
Does anybody here experienced this? What it this that's happening to me? Can I cure this? Is it just a psychological thing or the side effect of the meds I used to take? I just wanna feel human again and not some emotionless robot...

[BlossomingLen]

Well, a common symptom of Depression and Anxiety is numbness and dullness of emotion. But the usual culprit of this lack of enjoyment is Depression, a lot of people(including me) who go through Depression often feel this way. Depression also heavily disrupts people's focus and they can't process work a lot of the time(also like me.) People with Depression also can't open up to people well, are usually exhausted/tired and sleep a lot(or have unstable sleeping patterns.) When it comes to Depression, it's not always about feeling sad. Sometimes it can just be about feeling incredibly empty. I know you said that this likely isn't Depression for you, but I'd beg to differ. All of the symptoms really do correlate with that.

I may be wrong, though. I just really think that's the case.

I am sorry to read that you are experiencing this. I have experienced some of the same sort of thing, which made me want to write to you.

My belief is that these kinds of things are physiologically based and can be helped by the right foods and supplements to support your brain health. Exercise can also be helpful.

I think one of the main ways exercise is helpful for mood and brain function is that it gets us to breathe deeply. Breathing exercises or singing can provide much of the same benefit. Yoga, tai chi, or chi gong are often helpful, too.

The part about not responding to music especially caught my eye. I have chronic fatigue syndrome/ME. Right after I got that was the first time I noticed that I didn't want to hear music much anymore. It was a big passion for me before that.

I gradually started wanting to listen to music again sometimes, but have never gone back to listening to it every single minute of the day, if possible.

That's not to say that the same thing will happen to you.

I have experienced the lack of interest in music as more of a lack of the energy to pay attention. Listening to people talk also seems to require a lot of energy and leaves me exhausted, so I limit how much I do it.

I tried to find a site that I bookmarked a couple of years ago. They specialize in nutritional supplements for people who are stopping psych medication. I couldn't find the bookmark, though.

I would suggest doing some web searches for "brain nutrition", especially for foods and supplements to help people with depression and to help with dopamine production.

I do have a couple of links for foods to eat. I have found that walnuts, avocados, salmon, olive oil, oranges, spinach, berries, and Greek yogurt seem to help my mood and brain functioning. Eating some kind of protein with each meal also seems to help me.

Here are the links:

10 Foods I Eat Every Day to Beat Depression

Supercharge your brain with foods that stimulate dopamine production

As far as supplements go, omega-3s are very good.

If you do a web search, you can find web sites and books that give suggestions for foods and supplements to help brain health and function and also suggestions specifically for people who have recently stopped psych meds or who want to stop them.

I hope you find a solution. Being in a place where there's very little that you enjoy is very tiring psychologically.

[stewartmays1]

i have the same issues and the best thing i have found was riding a bike every day because it lifts your mood and makes you happy for hours

[ezogyo]

Thanks for all your replies guys. Well at least I know someone else has the problem too. I thought this was kind of a rare disorder or something that no one has it...

@BlossomingLen Well I guess they do seems to link to depression. But I have realized something. In the past when I'm depressed, I wouldn't have much interest to do anything I'd usually do. Like, not talking to anyone, being on my bed all day, crying and having dark thoughts. I could even listen to sad musics and feel it. However, currently I have the interest to do what I love to do, my hobbies and everything but I don't feel a thing when I do it. I feel that this is a total give away that it might be something more than just a depression related. Unless I didn't really understood what depression really is. Plus, I was diagnosed Bipolar II which I'm still questioning about, this issue is really complicating things even more..

@jo_thorne I have searched the condition you have stated and surprisingly, it's symptoms seems to match mine. Specially the poor concentration, reoccurring sore throat and difficulty finding the right words to say. I'm still having some doubts though since I've never heard of such condition before and I'll need to do more research. And if indeed I have CFS/ME, I wonder how the hell I got it... But seriously, thanks to you I can start somewhere. And those links are really helpful. I have been taking fish oils, multi-vits and and totally changed my diets many weeks ago. Unfortunately there isn't a big improvement as of yet.

I have been exercising for few months already, it does give me the joy feeling, a tiny bit. I'm still open to any other guesses what this might be. Should I follow up with another psychologist regarding this?