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#1
Dec 18, 2015, 07:11 AM
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Today I work my shift at my job where my only job is to be happy and greet people. The job was described as being the host of the party. I am just not up for it and I have been dreading it all week. I can't call in sick because we are required to find coverage for the shift ourselves so I only call in sick when I really have to because it is a hassle to find coverage.
I keep telling myself that it is only 4 hours that I need the money and that I will feel better once I get there. Every week I want to quit, but I need the money and I only work one day a week. How will I hold down a full time job that I desparately need if i can't handle 4 hours each week? I can crawl back not my bed and hide after my shift. |
 kindachaotic, raspberrytorte
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#2
Dec 18, 2015, 07:24 AM
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You have my empathy! It's difficult to do when feeling so bad. Half the battle is just showing up and you will feel better after its done. The guilt of not going can make it worse later
May the force be with you!
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#3
Dec 18, 2015, 01:33 PM
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I made it through my shift. Today we had an emergency and had to call 911 and do first aid for a woman who passed out during a fitness class.
It was very scary. I have never had to use my first aid training before. It was very scary. She was ok, and went home rather than the hospital. I am so on edge after that! It put things into perspective for me, though. The woman is fighting cancer and loves her life. I feel a little guilty because I am not fighting for my life and half the time I want to die. I want to appreciate my life. I need to learn how. |
| Standup2me
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#4
Dec 18, 2015, 01:43 PM
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I'm glad you made it through your shift. I can see how the 911 episode would help put things in to perspective. And that's a good thing. We all need to work on appreciating our lives more.
__________________
Dx Bipolar II 2014 -- currently in remission Stay calm, be kind, have hope, love lots, and be well. "Listen to the deep voice of your soul. Do not be distracted by the voice of your mind." -- Caitlin Matthews[/B][/COLOR][/SIZE] |
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#5
Dec 18, 2015, 01:54 PM
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I'm sorry you're having a difficult time with your job. My therapist told me this as I struggled through my first time going back to work:
Remember it is baby steps to get you into a full time job. Right now this might require all of your effort, but it may not be this way in 3 months, 6 months, or a year. Try to focus on the now and not worry about the future. Best of luck to you! |
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#6
Dec 18, 2015, 04:35 PM
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That 911 situation does sound scary. I'm so lousy when it comes to emergency situations. I get too panicky and freaked out and end up freezing. Sounds like you did an awesome job! Hugs.
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
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#7
Dec 18, 2015, 06:56 PM
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I was super-calm while it was happening, but I keep reliving it in my head. I have been distracting myself but I am afraid that it will haunt me when it's time for bed.
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| raspberrytorte
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#8
Dec 19, 2015, 12:57 AM
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I can very much empathise. Sometimes just the 8 hours of work I must face is so overwhelming its too much & I feel an extreme urge to hide away.
__________________
Dx: Bipolar II, GAD, past substance abuse, temporal lobe epilepsy. Rx: Lamotrigine 125mg, Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam 0.5mg prn. |
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#9
Dec 19, 2015, 03:01 PM
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I play a trick on myself , of course I know , I treat myself to a muffin and coffee before work each morning , from when I wake till I get to micke dee's that treat is all I let myself think about ... it keeps me from dwelling on the day ahead ... guess i'm saying break it down into small steps .. good luck ... holiday wishes for peace this holiday season ...
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#10
Dec 20, 2015, 02:34 PM
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Quote:
I do think that the universe spoke to me with the incident we had on Friday. the woman who passed out has cancer and is so full of life and vitality even while she was laying on the floor while we were helping her. It showed me that I have a lot to appreciate in life and that I have a lot of really good things going for me. |
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