Out of Place as Bipolar

Does anyone else ever feel out of place as a person with bipolar? I felt so strange in the psych unit in the hospital. I was so out of place among the bipolar patients. None of them had full time jobs. All had outrageous stories of mania. Two of them actually said i was dull and a stick in the mud.

I am very shy, introverted, anxious, quiet, and restrained. My mania consisted of me locking myself in my room, not sleeping, and doing insane amounts of school work. When school ended for the semester, I made complex Xmas presents. Past mania has consisted of religious worship.

I just don't feel like i have much in common with my own bipolar community. I am an extreme control freak and very guarded. I never have or probably ever will party, get drunk, etc. (seriously I am in my mid 30's and have never been inebriated.)

Is there anyone is out there who feels this way? I hope so, because isolation sucks.

DW

your not alone .... My picture is in the webster's next to "stick in the mud" .... never drank or drugs ... and at one time was uber religious .... manic .. I have never seen it but others say so ...

Welcome to PC ... Tigger ...

Hi Design woman. Bipolar can manifest in many ways.
I like my DBSA group. Only a few are what I would consider hard core. The rest suffer. But hold down jobs,can drive and more. Check it out. Maxy

Hi Design woman. Bipolar can manifest in many ways.
I like my DBSA group. Only a few are what I would consider hard core. The rest suffer. But hold down jobs,can drive and more. Check it out. Maxy

It seems like if you were able to channel your mania into positive things, there's at least less fallout to deal with post mania. In that way, maybe you're more fortunate than people who have really destructive habits in their manic episodes.

I pull myself inside and will battle it out with whatever or whoever is in my head. With 4 children I can't verbally or physically express my episodes and have learned to wrap inside myself. It causes a handful of other issues but keeps my family from the rage and violence I grew up with. A lot of times I feel like my body is going to explode and I see myself crashing into walls or screaming real loud. No drug use for 15 years. This is probably what's kept me out of the hospital.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

I'm with you. I've never spent myself into debt, did drugs, drank myself into oblivion, or done anything really crazy like travel across country on a whim or something like that. I usually channel my positive manic energy into writing weird essays that make no sense. Mostly I deal with depression and mixed episodes. I'm very self destructive with self harm and Sui ideation, etc. I have a full time job too. Sometimes I argue with myself and convince myself I'm not that sick, that I'm making everything up for attention or something. But then I remember the episode I had where I believed people could read my thoughts etc. then I remember this is very real even though I'm not as "hardcore" as other people.

Yes, I often feel out of place in the bipolar community. I've been diagnosed now for 22 years. Took my meds most of the time, wasn't slutty, didn't do drugs..... but did spend money I didn't have. Bipolar has RANGES of behavior, you know. Think about it. What is extreme for you may not be extreme for someone else.

My work colleague is bi polar. He has been in a psyc unit twice.

He hates it. Says the others are nothing like him. Says they were all f##king nuts and he's not.
He holds down a job (most of the time) tho job changes are frequent.
He's high most of the time and hates his meds cos he likes being high. He feels fine.
He don't believe there is anything wrong with him.
His parents insist his takes meds while living in their house as they can't cope with him otherwise.
He's a nice guy, good family lots of friends (some have abandoned him which hurt)
While manic he has put himself and others in danger that why his parents insist on meds.

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I channel most of my hypomania into art or learning new languages. I did end up in some pretty bad situations a few years ago when I was still in high school, but it could have been a lot worse. Nowadays I don't get into the same sorts of situations because my boyfriend keeps a close eye on my behavior. He knew about bipolar disorder before I even did so he's good at recognizing when I'm beginning to shift into hypomania.

Yes, but I was just diagnosed this year, sometimes the denial is still very strong with me...

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Yes, I do so! I am newly diagnosed and often ask myself the same questions! I am also a big control freak, I am not drinking alcohol (also in teenage years), never taken drugs, gone to parties or something like that. The most peole would say I seem to be very sane, masterfully and intelligent. But in fact I am insane *lol* I am struggling with Eating Disorders too and I also think I have some symptoms of Borderline. My mood changes since my childhood. But for party animals I seem to be a very boring person. I like to read, to walk and to watch tv. I do not like huge crowds or to go out a lot. That is my character I think. It is okay. When I am hypomanic I have more thoughts of sex or other men/women although I am married. But I never cheated. I move more, lose weight and I am very selfconfident and have more plans. I am overly optimistic and make bad decisions. And I spend more money on clothes. But I am also irritable and inpatient. And I have this goal orientated behaviour. It is not easy for me to find my real me cause of my changing mood and decisions.

As others have said, bipolar manifests in many different ways. In fact I believe that each person's experience of bipolar is unique-- yes there are commonalities, but we really only generalize as a matter of convenience... and I try to remember it's definitely not a case of "one size fits all." Adjusting to the diagnosis definitely takes time. Give yourself that time, and remember to be gentle with yourself.

My manias are introspective, intellectual... not of the having lots of sex that people talk about.

I consider spending 30 euro a spending spree. And I don't even have credit card. I am constantly in black numbers.

I don't take meds, don't consider myself as having chemical imbalance, or disordered or even ill. I consider myself as having problems of spiritual nature mostly (or trauma related) and I think the whole bio-bio-bio model only adds stigma. I don't think everybody needs meds for life and it enrages me if people are told so.

I don't think I am powerless over my condition.

I don't want to be pitied. I hate it.

I work TWO jobs and do well in them. I only crash at home. And I have a MA degree and few other certificates. BP certainly did not "rob me of my life".

I don't consider my issue the worst thing in the world. There IS war in Syria and Ukraine and I will not go into great lenghts talking about how me having BP is equal to their misery, because it is NOT.

Buy what is 'spiritual' is that an abstract that has no form?

Is a person having BP generally comparable to a war zone.
Not really because they are two totally different entities.

But for an individual in say an abusive situation they are in a war zone, trapped, in their own world and not able to escape.

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spiritual as having place within this world and other world. Can't seem to figure it out. And my hallucinations/flashvisions and intrusive thoughts are death related or related to the state of being and non-being.

Bipolar is definitely a spectrum mental illness. I was recently diagnosed this past June. I've never been in a psych ward but have been in jail overnight and an emergency room due to alcohol abuse due to mania. I worked in Marketing for 20 years (now at home for the past 3 years). Most of my friends would NEVER guess I'm Bipolar! Only a couple of my close ones know the new diagnosis. BTW, I've been part of AA for 8 years and I would say 1/2 the group has been diagnosed with Bipolar. 99% of them hold down employment and are very successful people. I have huge amounts of time between my manic episodes. However, when I have one, the first thing I do is drink into oblivion and wreck EVERYTHING! 2nd DWI this year! It's like two different people...normal me....and then every 3-4 months the manic woman comes out and I have no boundaries.

Hope that helps!

I have different mania experiences. Some are the more "typical" and obvious and some are more indide (my favorite) with a euphoric rush of spirituality and what I call my "mad scientist times where I am a genius and all connects and blah blah. I think sometimes they can be less obvious to others than different times

My therapist said similar about a range. I think the popular culture vision of bipolar is really imprinted on me (a lot of people actually). I kept denying I was bipolar because i wasn't at all like fictional bipolar people in movies and tv or like those non-fiction memoirs.

Thank you all for responding.
I really appreciate your thoughts and different views on BP.

DW

Same here! I think most people think that it's like in the movies and for some it is. Hugs