[Ocean Swimmer]

Sometimes I think I'm sick cuz I can't fulfill my dreams.
Had a long time lover- was better- didn't need meds.
Now I'm back to no touch husband and I'm sicker than ever.

[Trippin2.0]

Your love language seems to be touch (mine is too) and when we have "no touch" partners, it can make us feel quite sick.

Its like not being emotionally fed, and starvation causes illness.


I'm really sorry to hear about your situation

[Ocean Swimmer]

Thanks. He works in China,so I don't see him for 5 weeks. Then he's home for 3 weeks.
I try every time he's home. Last time I put lube and condoms on the corner of the dining room table. They're still sitting there.
We took a trip to Mexico,swam together in the ocean and I was sure we'd do something romantic. Zero.
What to do ?

[Granger41]

Do you speak directly with him about this? And what does he says or thinks about it? That would be interesting. I know the struggle when the partner is not very interested in sex. I need it to feel good in my body and to feel connected with my partner. I do not need it daily but it was a mess as we had not sex for months It triggered me into depression, hypomania and depression again. Last year we discussed the problem very intense! I also talk about thoughts of divorce. Now we give it another try.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yeah. He's a marathon runner,bikes & swims & water skis. I think his testosterone is low from all the exercise.
I say do you think we can have sex when you're home. He says maybe.
I'm still friends with old boyfriends and they still find me very desirable. So it's not that I'm not sexy.
His first wife left him for this reason.
I thought he'd respond to me. I'm not used to being rejected.

[Trippin2.0]

So you knew that he was not a touchy feely sex crazed man and his previous wife had left him due to this, before marrying him???


Oh sweety, what a harsh way to learn you can't change people!!!


They are who they are, end of story.


If its not in his bones to be affectionate, warm blooded and ready for action, then no amount of sexiness will make him suddenly so.


IMO this is not about rejection, but more about a sorely mismatched couple.


The sad part is that it was an obvious and open mismatch before marriage, and you both went ahead anyway.


Unless his manly parts are not working optimally, then at least you have a chance because he can see a doctor and fix it.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I know huh. Manic decision. Talked to Dr re pills, but since his manly parts are working Dr said wouldn't help. I haven't explored the testosterone.
We've been together for 20 years. It's like living with your best friend. I had a secret, but no more. He died young and unexpectedly.
My new psy meds lower my sex drive. So that helps. But lack of full release keeps me tense and feeling unloved. Boo hoo.