[Nix]

I think a few times I've seen someone in this forum say that somebody is their "reality check" or something like that. It seems like at least one or more of you have a specific person in your life who you trust to be the measure of what's real and what's not, or maybe what's healthy and what's not when you're having a difficult time.

I just wondered if this is something you learned in therapy or if it's just a coping mechanism you picked up along the way. How does this practically work for you? What does it look like in the thick of an episode?

Thanks.

[LacunaCoiler]

My girlfriend is that person and she kind of just fell into the role. We were already dating (getting married this year, yay!) when I had my first major episode and has been through everything I've had to do or deal with when it comes to my bipolar. She says she loves me and is willing to take on the responsibility of calling me out on my behavior, or if it gets that bad she'll call my pdoc for me. For the most part she picks up on the warning signs pretty early and there's usually something I can do to curve my behavior (breathing, various coping techniques, etc) before it gets really bad and out of control. However, sometimes I do take it out on her when she does point it out (I truly am sorry afterwards) and when I'm in the thick of it all I'll "break up" with her or kick her out of the house (I've even go as far as packing up her things on a few occasions), but she understands the disease and that that's not me when I'm "normal" so she doesn't take it all that serious. As much as I hate having to lean on her like that I know it's for the better and she's honest enough to tell me if it's too much for her.

[wiretwister]

the wife ... after 33 years there is no side of me she has not seen , I only wish she would be a little more forceful when she see's an issue ...

[Ocean Swimmer]

My friends in Costa Rica.
When it comes to my husband of 20 yrs, I fear his judgement. He puts me in the hospital way too often.
I've told him I'm not going to do ECT again. It's too hard on my brain. Plus the promise that I would get my memory back have not come true. Plus it's given me high blood pressure.
I'm also interested in getting a new pdoc.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Mine is a mentor from college. I rely on him a lot less than I used to but can still and I think always ask him "is this reaction normal?" and he'll tell me or help me figure out how to talk to my therapist about it. He's the reason I was able to work as long as I did. He's also helped me learn so many things I didn't growing up, like that I can shove him away as often as I want (and it used to be nastily too) and he'll still be there.

As I developed a strong relationship with my current therapist I needed my friend less but for many years he was my safety net and I really needed one. He's a psychologist so knows bipolar and it was pretty hard to offend him or hurt his feelings. I think I did once, before I was diagnosed, and after that he put up with it until I was at a point I could work on it in therapy and finally could say that he shouldn't put up with it, that he didn't deserve to let me be mean to him and that he should tell me not to yell at him. Since then I don't and I try very hard to keep impulsivity out of our relationship.

[cashart10]

I have several people in my support circle that I can rely on for reality checks. If I don't realize I'm out of touch, they do. That said, I'm usually afraid to ask them. For instance, I have been increasingly paranoid and I know my family will freak out so I told my therapist instead. My family doesn't mind me skipping them as long as I am talking to someone.

I didn't learn this from therapy; it's more of a coping mechanism I gained along the way. After my psychotic break, I so feared insanity that I became extremely self aware (insightful as my therapist says ) Since my state of mind was so difficult for everyone around me, we just planned who would help with what when it came to my mental health. It has seemed to work so far.

[Nix]

Does anyone rely on someone else to make decisions for them while in an episode?

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[Unrigged64072835]

My husband is my reality check person. He's been with me through my episodes for over four years now. He also have power of attorney so if I get really bad he can make decisions for me. However, we've usually agreed whether I need to go to the hospital so I haven't an occasion where he forced me.

[Trippin2.0]

My bf and my daughter.

The former knows me inside out, the latter is super intuitive.

My daughter, has an excellent EQ, so reads my moods very easily. She is only 12 but has my full permission to tell me if I seem "off".

She's so sweet, she even comments on whenever I've coped better or been stable longer.
A real cheerleader!!

She's very good at pointing out my agitated states, (probably because I will yell at something inane which didn't bug me yesterday) and when she does, I immediately apologize and put myself in mommy / bipolar timeout until I can play nice.

My bf started out as my bff, and has known me since we were 13. He is particularly good at diffusing me, providing he catches the signs early enough.
He is the calm and I am the storm... We have a mental health "safe word".
The reason its called that is because my irrationality and delusional thinking has split us up in the past.

So when I'm heading anywhere in the direction of oz, he says or texts "peaches".
The rule is that I stop immediately, and "timeout" commences.
Timeout is my way of joking about this its not an actual punishment. Its a space for me to get my shyt together, safely away from people I may harm with smashing, throwing or my verbal vitriol.

Its where I pull out every coping skill I have for that specific situation, its where I try to remain anchored and especially where I kick the self care into high gear.

Also my daughter is encouraged to contact my bf (not her sperm donor) if I am for whatever reason, "misbehaving" or if I seem very unwell.

These are things I've thought of and implemented myself as a way to protect my relationships with them.

I trust their judgment and their intentions implicitly, and they have not failed me yet.

These are methods of attempting to minimize the effects of an ensuing episode. Sort of like preparing for a crash landing or getting a parachute if you will.
In the thick of an episode all this really helps with is self awareness and by then its too late.

So far so damn good though!

[Nix]

Trippin2.0, thanks for your insightful post… that's a lot to think about and some concepts that I may try to put into practice for myself.

[Trippin2.0]

You're most welcome, I'm happy to help

[Fuzzybear]

Papa bear ...

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Oh yes...my husband! We've been together 18 years but I was just diagnosed this past June. He could always sense that something was wrong before an episode (we didn't know what they were or caused them at the time). My son who is now a teen also pays close attention. He will text my husband if he thinks there is something wrong or weird. My husband fell into this role since he is a very laid back introvert and at one time was working on his Masters in Counseling. I've always been the outgoing person but had extreme anxiety and depression. Now that we know what is going on, we are all in this together and I don't take offense if one of them says...hey you are acting weird, something is off. Hope that helps!