So My Bipolar is Going Crazy Again

gina_re · 02:21 PM

Gotta love bipolar life! The ups, the downs…

So here’s an update and I’m going to try make this as painless as possible. I was last on here in mid to late November. I was in PHP getting some much needed help. I felt great afterwards, hence my disappearance! I even formed friendships with the girls with the same diagnosis as myself to keep me company and get me out of the house. I couldn’t be stopped! Then I slowly start to slip, nothing too serious, but just not at 100%. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been so up and down, I can’t stand it. My insurance doesn’t help because it’s so difficult to find a good therapist to begin with, try adding on some dumb health insurance! The one I did see was horrible, she told me things I already know: make yourself get up and do things, try meditation, talk with your friends, etc. I emailed my pdoc and she wrote back to increase the lamictal to 100mgs which I did last night. I know I’m starting to get up there in meds and I desperately need therapy too. Sleep last night was horrible and I woke up irritable craving nothing but junk food. Today my mind is EVERYWHERE, but I’m surprisingly getting work done. The caffeine gave me a headache. I don’t want to go back to PHP. Especially since it killed my PTO and I cannot afford to not get paid. I’m just really annoyed and make up more problems than probably necessary. I couldn't work on Monday. I feel like my new friends hate me, when it most likely is not the case. Most of my depression issues involve hating myself, which I’ve probably repressed for the past 20 something years. Guess I didn't kick depression's *** like I thought I did.

Ok vent over. Of course, I’ve missed you all.