[Becoming]

As busy as I try to keep myself I really miss people that would be best left in the past quite often. And I get this depressed and heartbroken feeling I cannot shake. I create this idea in my mind that if I hear from them everything would be magically better. In particular right now I'm talking about an almost-lover (not an ex just my last romantic interest).

We did not talk a few days then last night she messaged me. I have her blocked on literally everything except my phone cause I deleted her number and thought she had blocked me. All I told her was I gotta go to sleep to be up early in the morning. I was not talkative and I did not really want to be (first I was tired and second she is not healthy for me). Seem like she got mad cause she went "lmao bye" when I told her goodnight. That ought to show her immaturity perhaps.

This girl and I really didn't have a great go at things. Lots of problems and then she lost interest but still wanted as much of my attention and effort as I had given her when we both had mutual romantic interest in each other. I decide to respect myself and back off a bit. She flipped out. Bada Bing Bada Boom and that is how the talking stopped.

To put it clear, this girl is largely a jerk to me. She doesn't accept my feelings, blames every emotion or decision I make on my bipolar, and somewhat downsizes me by acting like she is better than me. I'm not one to complain if people cannot afford a Christmas gift, but I got her one (the hopeless romantic I am) and she got me nothing at all...even something small. Then she wanted me to travel long distance to see her and threw it in my face this is a visit for friends and there's no kissing or anything like that. I told her it was not worth it for me to keep chasing her to like me and I'm not going. That is when she flipped.

I guess maybe what it is is that I don't think she is evil, but she is not the nicest or most selfless person I know. Yes, she can be fun and talkative at times, but more often than not it was her being mean to me. Now I'm just lonely not talking to her. Half-way waiting for her to contact my cell phone again since it's the only way we can talk at the moment. Still half-way hoping she does not since I know myself and I'd be likely to fall right back into the trap of talking to her again...at least to kill the loneliness and pain of missing her somehow.

What do I do? This is driving me nuts and sometimes it really hurts so badly.

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[hahayeahtotallylol]

What would you do if you were a fish caught on a lure?

It doesn't matter the positive qualities of the fisherman, if all it causes you is distress and confusion?

I'm sure there are women just like her, who know how to be nice to people.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I run backwards too sometimes. This year while manic and lonely I contacted a man I hadn't talked to in 14 years. Talk about mean. And juvenile. Wanted boobie pictures. I never have or will send nude shots over Internet.
As for you. Leave this behind. Get on with your life. Join OK Cupid or something so you have a fresh someone new to talk with.
I was on several sites looking for a caretaker. It's nice to get attention but try to get positive people in your life. Maxy

[Mountainbard]

You say yourself you know she is not healthy for you. That should tell you what you know about what you need to do.

[Becoming]

Thanks all. I just wish it was easier. My heart hurts

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[bipolardigest]

Hey,

I think your better of without her simply because she seems to be putting you into a state where you have to question things. These normally end in a bad way and will affect you a lot more mentality. I'm going to talk about myself...

When people did this to me, it would trigger a depression state for me which would last days. I realized that I'm better of without the other because it wasn't any good for my bipolar and I have a lot to deal with. Bipolar is tough and you need support not people who you have to second guess.

I'm sure it will be tough in the beginning short-term, but long-term I think it will do you better. Also,

I've learned when you do things for others WITHOUT expecting anything in return you'll be much happier. You got her a gift but you should only do it and NOT expect anything in return. This way you are NOT left upset or second guessing again.

Hope this helped a little, but hang in their and cut it now before it's too late. Friends like this are a dime a dozen, but true friends come rarely. I'm sure you'll find someone way better.

[Woolly Bugger]

When I used to get manic I would fixate on women. Couldn't get them out of my mind. Always a different one for each episode. Perhaps you are going through something similar and will feel better once you get back to baseline.

[dancinglady]

Have you talked to your T about this?