[TryingToMoveForward]

Just to prove I'm not always angsty and serious! Funny, that about an hour ago I was upset and furious to the point of tears and considering punching a wall. Now I'm high as a kite, giggling at that ridiculous nuances of life. I honestly never know where my emotions are going to be at any given hour, but since I'm actually feeling giddy and happy, I wanted to make a bright and shiny post.

I was thinking about the last time I was hypomanic. And it lasted about three months. I have no idea if that's normal or not, but it was three months where I lost weight, became obsessed with Tony Stark, started writing again, and felt and looked like a rock star. Non-hypomanic me is very timid, quiet, insecure, unconfident, reclusive and painfully shy. Hypomanic me is outgoing, vivacious, jovial, sassy, sarcastic, flirtatious and looks very sexy. I remember getting my hair cut like Tony Stark's on impulse when I was out with my family at the camp. I was like, "I need to go to Wal-mart. NOW. I need this hair cut NOW." And cut off all my hair. Put on my Tony Stark sunglasses and felt like a Hollywood star. When I told my psychiatrist, she stopped type and stared at me and was like, "Okay. You are DEFINITELY hypomanic."

I have no regrets. That was a seriously great haircut on me.

I don't generally do anything so stupid that I end up regretting, but I'm definitely impulsive. I usually try to dive into relationships and serial date too. Wait...I might regret that, actually. Serial dating is not a nice thing to do.

Why can't depression be this awesome?

Hopefully everyone is having a good day. I'll be buying my furchild a pretty new collar today. If it does get up to 30 degrees, I might take a walk in the park. During my last hypomanic episode, I lost 15. I'm not hypomanic now but I lost 7 pounds the past three weeks. This is weight I gained on Geodon that I've been working hard on losing. Its easier when you're hypomanic. I'll tell you that much. Only 12 more pounds to reach my goal. When you're life is out of control, when you're emotionally out of control, its nice to have control of at least ONE thing. Plus small victories matter. I might actually wear a bathing suit this summer.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I'm so pleased that you are feeling so chipper!

[TryingToMoveForward]

Considering how bad it was last Thursday and on Friday, this is a big improvement indeed. I can only hope it will last a while. Seems like that chipper burst used up my energy, because I'm tired now. But I got a few things accomplished today. Seems like I'm almost always tired, and needing to pump myself full of caffeine just to get through a day. Its like I need 12 hours of sleep in order to get enough sleep in the night, but who can afford sleeping 12 hours? I sure can't. My life is way, way, way too busy.

[Ocean Swimmer]

How are you doing now?

[TryingToMoveForward]

I plummeted at the park, when I stopped exercising...because going uphill was a struggle and I couldn't keep up with my dad. I felt out of shape and really low about myself. I use to be a power walking queen. So I sat in the car in tears, thinking how my supervisor doesn't actually care about me. Then I went online on my phone, got distracted and forgot about why I was upset. But that's really just a normal day. Triggers. Everywhere. My emotions everywhere, up and down like a roller coaster.

At the moment I'm fine though! I was singing while shaving my legs and accidentally cut them kinda badly. LOL. I'm not singing and shaving ever again. Singing is something I do because its soothing, I love music and I'm working on my vocals. I was going through my mental Beatles playlist and some Dean Martin songs. I also sing a lot when I'm in a good mood. I just shouldn't have been so careless and distracted.

How are you doing tonight?