[smallwonderer]

There have been a few similar threads lately but I didn't want to hijack someone else's. In full disclosure: I've only been diagnosed BP I a couple of years (I was diagnosed at 31-32), and I don't usually take my prescribed antipsychotic zyprexa. If I got worse, I would go back on it or seek other medication. I do realize this is a big/bad risk (earlier thread).Before diagnosis, I spent a lot of time being depressed so it feels familiar to me. I think my periods of hypomania, if they existed, were very brief. So I've been trying to learn baseline/euthymia.

In the past two years, I had spent March/April being full blown manic after a ramp up in Jan/Feb. Then I crashed in the summer with very serious depression (first year I went IP for my first and only time in March, second year I had a brief bout of psychosis, recognized it, took my AP a couple days and got some sleep with minimal fallout). I've been more sensitive to trying to watch my moods and sleep because I associate this time of year with a bad trend. Instead, what I noticed was the depression lifted in Oct/Nov and I started worrying I might be going up - posted a thread about it someone recommended sleeping more. I did that and have been fine. I have some horrible days now or really bad couple of hours. I cried Friday night about some stuff but then realized maybe an hour later or the next morning "That was just me being emotional." Sometimes I develop self-loathing and tell myself "Oh... not worth it to go there." Basically, I am almost starting to see when I am getting more bipolar than not. I'd say my average is that I am mostly functional, but I have an hour each day where I feel miserable. Because I was a depressed person with undiagnosed bipolar, I actually feel comfortable in the depression parts so no complaints there. I have an hour where I might be a little too silly (mania scares me more). I don't believe I am rapid cycling since I can point to months of up or down.

I feel a bit bad asking for advice since I am unmedicated. But basically, if one has these brief intervals of maybe 10 minutes up to a few hours, starts to recognize them and isn't really letting them impact them... is that a mixed state? Or is that a kind of unmedicated baseline?

[Keegan2015]

I've never had this before so others on here may know better than I do, but could you possibly be experiencing rapid cycling?

[Ocean Swimmer]

I'm glad you pay so much attention to yourself in the unmedicated state.

Try learning some relaxation techniques from books and DVDs or/and a Theripist.

[smallwonderer]

Originally Posted by Keegan2015

I've never had this before so others on here may know better than I do, but could you possibly be experiencing rapid cycling?

I think you're probably right. When I was really manic once, I decided I was rapid cycling. However, I tend to write off anything I decide when I am manic - I am definitely one of those "Maybe I'm not really bipolar! I just have complex PTSD!" when I am manic, etc. After posting, I read this:
3 Stories of Rapid Cycling | International Bipolar Foundation

And even the least rapid cycling of the three sounds like what I would call my "long" cycles and the shorter ones are what I was referring to more as moods. Maybe it's all just a continuum anyway.

I have plans to start CBT, which I hope will help.