[AleneElora]

Hello forum,
Today my boyfriend broke up with me because he can't handle my depression. He said that me being down was hurting him. I said I was sorry and that I didn't mean to hurt him and told him I love him and he said that wasn't enough. He said I just wanted attention, that I should just snap out of it, that nothing is that bad. Then he told me I can't play the victim my whole life and called me a selfish human for not considering his feelings.
I loved him so much, am I never going to be happy? Is my bipolar never going to let me have a happy relationship? My bipolar has taken everything from me. I can't stand this.

[venusss]

Not to sound too dismissive.... but 50% MARRIAGES break up. And normal relationships? Most of them will not work out, bipolar or not.

So just because your boyfriend couldn't handle you... doesn't mean you will never have sucessful one. Or succesful one for time being.

Just don't focus on your BP too much, or it will end up a self-fullfiling prophecy.

[AleneElora]

I know he was just so nice and supportive in the beginning and he made it seem like it was 100% my fault.

Your boyfriend accused you of "wanting attention", told you to "snap out of it", and said "stop playing victim". No offense, but what kind of "loving" boyfriend is that?

If he truly cared about you, he would educate himself on bipolar disorder before throwing ignorant accusations at you.

I obviously don't know you personally, but I do know that you can't "snap out of depression", and I know that depression has NOTHING to do with "wanting attention".

I'm sorry that things ended this way, though... but don't let it make you think you can't have a happy relationship. There are plenty of people with bipolar disorder who have happy, loving families. What you need is a loving, supportive man in your life, and you will find that man one day. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just give it some time!

[Victoria'smom]

Focus on getting yourself out of this depression. Chat here, post here, see pdoc, see T, journal if you have to, do mood charting, or anything you can think of to help. Then when you feel better find a new guy, a guy that semi-understanding, is willing to go with you to your T / pdoc appointments to understand, getting his own t, if needed.

Yes we can be difficult but that doesn't mean we can't have good relationships.

[B2008]

Any man that truly loves you would and will learn about the mi to better understand it. Maybe HE was the one using bipolar as an excuse to leave the relationship. That's just my very first thought when I read your post. Love is out there for us special people! Be patient and work on yourself and it will find you! Lots of hugs!

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

[Pastel Kitten]

Wow. What a total jerk. I'm so sorry things ended up this way. I think that whether you were bipolar or not he'd have found some way to hurt you further down the line because he does not appear to be very empathetic at all. At least not consistently, which is a problem.

[AleneElora]

I'm going to be totally honest with you guys. It does sound like stupid excuses. And when I told him that you don't just abandon the people you love he completely lost it. He called me a selfish thing and told me I had some nerve accusing him of being the bad guy in all this, swore at me, the works. He got very defensive, part of me thinks that because he felt guilty about not being able to handle my mi he didn't want to look bad thus he accused me of being 100% responsible of breaking up this relationship but I had told him from the very beginning what this relationship would be like if he wanted to be with me and warned him about all the symptoms so really there's no excuse.
Thank you all for your loving support. <3

Hearing about what it will be like to be with someone with a challenge like bipolar and actually living it are not the same thing. Just because you told him what to expect doesn't mean he (or anyone for that matter) could really grasp it. I'm not making excuses for him, but you can say you warned him all you want, the reality though was apparently much more than he was able to handle. Better that he figured that out before marriage and children were involved.

[AleneElora]

Yes of course, I can understand that it can be daunting but at the same time I can't help but wonder if ANYONE would be willing to deal with it just to be with me. Does anyone here have a successful relationship while dealing with bipolar? How do your partners handle your symptoms? Not a rhetorical question. I genuinely want to know.

[~Christina]

I was not diagnosed Bipolar until years into my marriage.. Yes it can be tough on a relationship of any kind family , friend , partner.

My life exploded and I had to figure out some things fast.. the following is rules that I have made for myself ..

My husband is NOT my Therapist.
His job isn't to fix me, because he can't.
I keep Bipolar as small a part of my marriage as possible.
I have a T and good friends that also have Bipolar so they "get " what I am saying. Where as if my husband knew all the stuff zooming through my head half the time he would be freaked out and honestly scared.

I know my husband loves me but I can't possibly expect him to understand all about my struggle with Bipolar ,, hell its hard for me to keep track at times. lol

But it is my responsibility to do any and all things I can to keep myself healthy and as stable as possible.

Im not saying he isn't my biggest supporter and always there for me.. he is. But when I really need him he is there to offer any comfort support or help I need.

Our marriage is not just about navigating things based on how I am doing or not doing with my life and Bipolar being part of it.

There has to a balance in any and all relationships...

Originally Posted by AleneElora

Yes of course, I can understand that it can be daunting but at the same time I can't help but wonder if ANYONE would be willing to deal with it just to be with me. Does anyone here have a successful relationship while dealing with bipolar? How do your partners handle your symptoms? Not a rhetorical question. I genuinely want to know.

My husband and I have been together for almost 30 years now. I know of two family friends where one partner had bipolar disorder where those marriages lasted over 50 years -- until death. Yes, it is completely possible to have lasting, successful relationships with bipolar disorder. It does take finding that right person, and it also takes the person with bipolar disorder working tirelessly to manage their symptoms as consistently and responsibly as possible, never allowing their disorder to be an excuse for poor treatment -- the relationship is a relationship after all. The same rules apply as far as I've ever seen: faithfulness, complete respect in thoughts and actions, honesty, trust, openness.

[violetgreen]

About a month ago I had a crisis, so out of control, had been building for a time...when it counted, my husband stepped up, s l o w l e y. He has a hard time understanding my everyday shifting situation and moods, because he's very steady, and he's just short on empathy. So, I have to be the broken record, this is what I need, this is what I need, and our daughters remind him, too. This partnership takes work. We've been married 38 years.

[Ocean Swimmer]

My husband has been more proactive since my last visit to Psycotic mania land. To the point of frightening me with his power. Had me admitted 5 times last year with multiple ECT.

The meds the Pdoc has me take and convinced him into expecting full compliance are taking away my zest for life. No sex drive. No desire to be creative ( I used to do Watercolor Painting. The only thing my meds do is make me want to eat. Now I'm heavier than I've ever been in my life.

I do still swim. But no more bikini swim suits.

He still thinks that when you're in the manic stage it's good as depression for him =laziness
Doesn't matter how much he learns about bipolar. He's prejudice guides him.

He's relatively kind. But I know he's disappointed in me and thinks I could get "well" on my own with the meds.

[seoultous]

I have been married for 29 years and have had some pretty rough patches of depressive bipolar episodes. One lasted for more than a year as my pdoc and I tried to find the perfect combination of meds. I'm not going to lie, it was hard on my husband and children who were witness to that horrible period of my life. It wasn't easy on any of them.

My husband was supportive but he clearly felt his needs weren't being met. We stayed together because we loved each other and I promised to 1) take my meds, 2) do what my pdoc suggested about lifestyle changes (exercise, phototherapy, regular sleep schedule, etc), and 3) see a therapist every week. I was able to do those things.

Now that I am stable, bipolar is just something I have. I don't think about it much except when I feel down and begin to worry that a depressive episode is lurking in the recesses of my mind. My husband can tell when a mood episode is coming on and urges me to contact my pdoc (so can/does my therapist). I comply because I believe they have my best interest at heart.

So, it is possible to find someone, stay in a committed relationship, and raise a family if you so choose, all while having bipolar disorder. Having a chronic mental illness is just like any chronic physical illness. It takes time to heal. Sorry that your boyfriend wouldn't allow you time to heal.

[B2008]

I told my hubby from the start over and over I was a mess I told him my past and all the emotional baggage I came with. I pushed him away but he kept coming back. We were friends first and that helped. Actually I didn't fall in love until two years after we married but I knew he was meant to be my lifelong partner even if I never did. Married 8 years now he is my world and I am his. I was misdiagnosed until last November and it's been a hell ride but as he explains it he just enjoys the good times more and loves me harder through the bad. He has seen me through some really tough times and because I am so reluctant to see a pdoc or t I journal but do turn to him to go to doc with me to explain how my meds area working and he discusses things with me when I need it. However I don't bombard him with emotional things he usually has to pull it out of me as I shut down during stress.He never believed in mental illness until he had to accept mine. Through everything we had two children together I have two previously which are his pride and joy also. I stay home and hold down the fort which helps our family dynamic a lot! My two oldest 11 and 14 boys are allowed to give me time outs. Of course to reason. This actually helps them to understand better that they aren't at fault. We take the world on as a team and this is no different. But even with all the support I'm blessed to have it still gets very tough at times. Our family is not the white picket fence it's more pink, green and purple with a touch of black lol way more fun and crazy! The one very important positive thing I've gotten from being bipolar is knowing without doubt that the man that stands beside me loves me unconditionally and I never have to worry that one day he will give up.
It takes a strong patient kind and loving person to stand beside the special people we are. Take your time finding that person! It's definitely worth the wait.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!