[jcarter0315]

So, I believe I am bipolar. I've suspected this for years now, and I've finally accepted it as a possibility. This is due to how I've noticed a cycle of my mood that has been consistent for at least the last four years. In the first few months of the year, I experience what can only be described as a manic state. Then, once the end of spring/start of summer comes along, I level out. This lasts all summer with an occasional bout of mania. Once fall starts rolling in, I feel myself becoming depressed. The depression lasts until the new year and it all begins again.

I've also compared this to my relationships over the years. They always start out with me impulsively asking someone out in the first few months. They always are shaky at the beginning and look like they won't last. Then, when I level out, the relationship gets better and has its best times. Once fall rolls in with the depression, the entire relationship just falls completely apart. Recently, as a result of all of this, I lost someone whom I cared deeply for. She was the best girlfriend I had ever had (which means that she was the manic impulsive decision I had ever made).

I'm here because I don't know what to do. I've never told anyone about this. Not even that one girl or my family. I wish I could tell her, at least, but how I was when I was depressed caused us to have these massive fights over nothing that scared her away. I can't tell my family. I just can't. I know they wouldn't be very helpful with it and that they would only use it as more ammunition against me.

I'm also trying to ignore all of the impulses that I'm feeling currently. Especially the ones involving me asking someone out. I find myself flirting without even noticing it, and two of the people who return the favor are not people I want to date. This is mainly due to how they view relationships and the people they associate with. Then there's a situation forming where I'm being set up on a date with a third girl. I'm worried that I'll give in to it and go with it, even though I still hold strong feelings for the person I ended up scaring away and hurting. And if so, doesn't she have a right to know?

Anyway, here are my questions:

1. Since I can't officially seek help yet, what all should and shouldn't I be doing to manage this?
2. If I do end up in another relationship, how should I (if I even should at all) break the news?
3. Lastly, I also deal with insomnia. So, I take 5 mg of Melatonin to try and sleep more. Will this affect my mental state at all, and if so, how?

Thanks in advance for any help!

[Wattsherfayce]

Why can't you seek help?

You need to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Self diagnosing is not helpful in the least, and dangerous at the worst. Please go to your doctor and ask for help if you feel you have something wrong. There could be physical reasons that need to be ruled out before a mental illness can be confirmed. You can't know you are bipolar just from reading or taking a test online. You need to have a full check up and diagnostic interview. It can take years to have a correct diagnosis.

I wouldn't mention it to anyone in a relationship because you don't know for sure that you are bipolar, and you will end up sabotaging the relationship regardless because you will be self fulfilling your prophecy.

Melatonin will not effect your mental state, it should help you have a more restful sleep. Melatonin is made naturally in our bodies, if anything the only time you will experience side effects is if you suddenly stop taking it- you will have worse insomnia.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yes. First go to a regular Dr. Get tested for thyroid diabetes high blood pressure the works. Your hormone levels can effect your mood.
If you eat right. Get enough sunshine or Vit D.
Then take results to Pdoc.

[jcarter0315]

Originally Posted by Wattsherfayce

Why can't you seek help?

You need to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Self diagnosing is not helpful in the least, and dangerous at the worst. Please go to your doctor and ask for help if you feel you have something wrong. There could be physical reasons that need to be ruled out before a mental illness can be confirmed. You can't know you are bipolar just from reading or taking a test online. You need to have a full check up and diagnostic interview. It can take years to have a correct diagnosis.

I wouldn't mention it to anyone in a relationship because you don't know for sure that you are bipolar, and you will end up sabotaging the relationship regardless because you will be self fulfilling your prophecy.

Melatonin will not effect your mental state, it should help you have a more restful sleep. Melatonin is made naturally in our bodies, if anything the only time you will experience side effects is if you suddenly stop taking it- you will have worse insomnia.

I want to go to a doctor to find out for sure. But, I won't be in a situation to do so on my own until next year. This is mainly due to family reasons which I'm not comfortable getting into detail with.

And I know that self-diagnosis is never a good idea, that's why I came here for advice. I would've said something to my doctor at my last visit, but she's very close to my family and I feel like she would say something to them.

As for the melatonin, thanks. I remember reading mixed reports of side effects for people taking it on a regular basis for sleep. Some said that it led to greater depression while others said it alleviated symptoms of depression.

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

Yes. First go to a regular Dr. Get tested for thyroid diabetes high blood pressure the works. Your hormone levels can effect your mood.
If you eat right. Get enough sunshine or Vit D.
Then take results to Pdoc.

Yeah, those are the steps I'm planning for next year. Is there anything I should be trying to do right now without being able to go through those steps at this moment?

[Victoria'smom]

I wouldn't break the news until you're dx'd, with dx and willing to see her walk away.

[Wattsherfayce]

Originally Posted by jcarter0315

I would've said something to my doctor at my last visit, but she's very close to my family and I feel like she would say something to them.

There are laws that specifically prevent this. If you are in the US you can look up HIPAA. Even if you are an adolescent your doctor needs your permission to share any information with your parents. You can specifically request a visit to be confidential, or to limit disclosure of information to your parents. If there is a specific danger you can also request your healthcare provider to limit disclosed information as well.

If you're interested you can check out this link for more info.

In the meantime, try getting enough sleep, eat your fruits and veggies, exercise. If need be just take relationships out of the equation right now if they are too stressful for you.

[jcarter0315]

Originally Posted by Wattsherfayce

There are laws that specifically prevent this. If you are in the US you can look up HIPAA. Even if you are an adolescent your doctor needs your permission to share any information with your parents. You can specifically request a visit to be confidential, or to limit disclosure of information to your parents. If there is a specific danger you can also request your healthcare provider to limit disclosed information as well.

If you're interested you can check out this link for more info.

In the meantime, try getting enough sleep, eat your fruits and veggies, exercise. If need be just take relationships out of the equation right now if they are too stressful for you.

Yeah, I'm aware of those laws. It's not that I feel like she'll purposely tell them, I just feel like she might accidentally let it slip. Even next year when circumstances will allow me to seek answers, I still won't want my family to know.

It's not the relationship itself is stressful. It's just the fact that it's hard to hold any type of relationship, dating or not. I've crossed unspoken boundaries and lost friends without really realizing it until later. And I've lost people who I've inadvertently hurt while depressed.