Ever since I was diagnosed as bipolar in August 2015, I've gone back and forth between "yes, I have bipolar disorder" and "no, I don't have it".

I currently "accept" the diagnosis for the sake of accepting it, but in the back of my mind, I have my doubts sometimes.

For example, I started feeling VERY depressed 2.5 weeks ago (February 5). Exactly 1 week into my depression (February 12), my pdoc prescribed me a higher dose of Latuda to make the depression go away. He said it would "take a few days before the depression goes away", but I didn't feel better until yesterday (February 22). 10 days is a lot longer than "a few days". I can't help but think that I got better on my own.

To make matters worse, no one in my family has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so there's no "family history" of it.

I agree that I have recurring major depression, but I sometimes lean toward MDD instead of bipolar disorder because I haven't had a hypomanic or manic episode that I can recall. I mean, sure, there was one time in September where I got 4 hours of sleep everyday for a week and was super productive at work (more so than usual), but I still have a hard time accepting that as being hypo/mania.

I guess I don't know what it's like to feel "normal", so I have a hard time identifying/accepting mood swings. :/

Sorry for the rant! :/

Huh, if you've never had a manic episode I can't believe you've been diagnosed bp I. It's so over diagnosed that's why I didn't believe it for all the years I was unmedicated. I'm not a Dr but imo you don't sound like you have bp. You might have bp 2. Idk... why we're you diagnosed with 1?

[gina_re]

For me, it's easier to remember the depressive episodes just because they are more obvious and you definitely seek treatment for them. Whereas the hypomanic episodes don't really stick out that much because maybe you were just having a great time how ever many years ago, and you are not really able to pinpoint that exact moment in time.
I understand thinking that the medication may not be doing it's job and it is possible that you just happened to feel better, but what were your previous depressive episodes like?
It is also hard to accept a bipolar diagnosis for many people. Who wants to question their behavior that way and have bipolar attached to it?! At the end of the day, after all your researching and comparisons between your behavior and what you learn start to make sense, the medications are working, and therapy is going well, it's easier to "settle" into the diagnosis and be vigilant about not having it take over your life. Please take care:

[gina_re]

PS- I didn't have a full blown hypomanic episode until recently that I actually remember. And that was years after my diagnosis!

Originally Posted by rose1985

Huh, if you've never had a manic episode I can't believe you've been diagnosed bp I. It's so over diagnosed that's why I didn't believe it for all the years I was unmedicated. I'm not a Dr but imo you don't sound like you have bp. You might have bp 2. Idk... why we're you diagnosed with 1?

I don't know why my pdoc diagnosed me with BP1 instead of BP2. That's part of the reason I have a problem with it (now that you mention it).

My pdoc thinks I became manic when I took an antidepressant. Yes, the antidepressant made me hyper, I got 3 hours of sleep a night, I was super focused, etc.., but I definitely did NOT have psychosis.

But I think I might not be bipolar because, well, I don't "remember" hypomania and my current medication (Latuda) isn't really doing anything. (Well, I basically think I got better on my own.)

Originally Posted by gina_re

For me, it's easier to remember the depressive episodes just because they are more obvious and you definitely seek treatment for them. Whereas the hypomanic episodes don't really stick out that much because maybe you were just having a great time how ever many years ago, and you are not really able to pinpoint that exact moment in time.
I understand thinking that the medication may not be doing it's job and it is possible that you just happened to feel better, but what were your previous depressive episodes like?
It is also hard to accept a bipolar diagnosis for many people. Who wants to question their behavior that way and have bipolar attached to it?! At the end of the day, after all your researching and comparisons between your behavior and what you learn start to make sense, the medications are working, and therapy is going well, it's easier to "settle" into the diagnosis and be vigilant about not having it take over your life. Please take care:

Originally Posted by gina_re

PS- I didn't have a full blown hypomanic episode until recently that I actually remember. And that was years after my diagnosis!

Yeah, that's true about depression... You remember it because it's obvious.

My previous depressive episodes all have lasted anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. They're usually pretty severe (i.e., I literally want to die when I'm depressed - I become suicidalish. Like, I want to die, but I don't have the guts to kill myself). I tend to have crying spells, I lose all interest in everything, I become very anxious, and I become very angry.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I don't know why my pdoc diagnosed me with BP1 instead of BP2. That's part of the reason I have a problem with it (now that you mention it).

My pdoc thinks I became manic when I took an antidepressant. Yes, the antidepressant made me hyper, I got 3 hours of sleep a night, I was super focused, etc.., but I definitely did NOT have psychosis.

But I think I might not be bipolar because, well, I don't "remember" hypomania and my current medication (Latuda) isn't really doing anything. (Well, I basically think I got better on my own.)

Yeah, that's true about depression... You remember it because it's obvious.

My previous depressive episodes all have lasted anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. They're usually pretty severe (i.e., I literally want to die when I'm depressed - I become suicidalish. Like, I want to die, but I don't have the guts to kill myself). I tend to have crying spells, I lose all interest in everything, I become very anxious, and I become very angry.

As far as the few days versus ten days theory, everybody reacts differently and some have an effect faster or possibly slower than the norm. I also wouldn't dismiss the diagnosis because you can't remember the hypomania. There could be other symptoms to it that can't be remembered.
If the Latuda isn't working, well maybe it's not for you. We all react differently to meds if you go through other threads.
Now, I don't know you well enough to make a diagnosis, but if you feel it is incorrect, you can always get a second opinion from another doctor.