[Ocean Swimmer]

What a dilemma.
What limited time we spend together he's highly critical.
Especially crippling depression that I've been going thru that keeps me in bed. Online or reading or painting my nails.
His big thing is exercise. I used to be an exercise freak. 5 mile walk. 90 min dance class. Afternoon swim or waterski. Early to bed.
Then once I was in hospital and the intern who stayed by my side, said you know the body doesn't know the difference between good stress and bad stress. It's all stress to your body. You may be pushing too hard exercising.

I always remembered that. Or like the famous runner who dropped dead.

We will have no incoming money. Our mortgages,taxes,health car and home ins will all need to come out of savings acct. it's too early to get our pension. I used to make a lot of money before I married. Less afterwards.

But it's been 30+ years since I've been on a budget.

So he'll be around. But we won't be able to pay workers much for help with our projects. When I don't feel good, I'm ok watching TV. He's not. Especially in the day time.
He's accustomed to having all his meals prepared. His laundry done. His office and room cleaned. ( He works and lives in China ) for now.

My sister in law ( married to his brother) were retired together for a few years. ( married over 30 years. They can't take it. They're selling the house and getting a divorce.
That scares the crap out of me.

[B2008]

I've read your other posts as I really like your advice and life experience. That said this seems like it's gonna be a very hard situation for you! Do you plan on trying to work out other issues you have brought up here? Maybe in a positive light this could be a good time to reevaluate the type of love the two of you have for each other? If there is any love then there is hope. Lots of hugs. I really pray it works out for you!!

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

[Ocean Swimmer]

Thanks. He won't change his lifetime aversion to intimacy.

I just don't want him to pick on me when I'm depressed. It just makes me feel guilty or sorry for myself because I'm bipolar.

Plus he has to do the chores. We will have so much less money till he's old enough for his pension we can't have cleaners and cooks. ( like I have here in Costa Rica)
I'm going swimming now. I'll talk to you later.

I can hide from him. He loves being alone anyway. We have more than one house.

[violetgreen]

I like that you said "he has to do the chores" because it sounds like you are setting a boundary. I know what it's like having a critical husband(married 38 years), but that's his temperament. So long as I keep sight that I'm responsible for myself and not responsible to him, I'm good. I hope you two can really talk through the implications before anything changes.

[Ocean Swimmer]

38 years. Wow. Congrats.

It's been 20 for us. But more like 10 as 1/2 the time I never see him.

He worked in Africa. Now China. If he doesn't get a new post, he'll retire.
He doesn't get on my case too bad now. It's just when he's home 24/7 that I worry.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I've been getting advice from you all and I appreciate it.
I may go start a project at the Desert House. Even though the Central CA house hit by the Earthquake should be my priority. It's too much right now.