[ComfortablyNumb5]

This is my first time back to the forum since my uhhh little melt down a wk ago. Lost my job, spoke up to pdoc about my substance abuse, only showered twice since and I've been eating my emotions (which is probably what I need since I'm unhealthy thin). I've felt so low that I didn't even feel good enough to post here. Wow. That's a first. My seroquel completely pooped out on me and I'm not sleeping. I'm having ton of unhealthy thoughts (like cheating, ect. Nothing big). I don't know if my bad thoughts are coming from my BP or my BPD. I'm having dreams about ex's. Yikes. I've cried so much that the skin under my eyes is pealing. No chance of med change until the 7th. Bought OTC sleeping meds lol. Won't work but worth a try. I'm leaning towards trying geodon for sleep, if this new a-hole pdoc will listen after my drug test. Yeaaaa.

Anyway all I've done was vent so here's the issue... I've realized that I could switch my meds all I want right now but truth is, it won't fix my situation therefore it won't help. Right? I'm trying to be honest with myself here. Meds will not change the fact that I lost another (and awesome job for once) job because of my BP and my erratic behavior. Me and my bf are freaking out about what we're going to do about our future finances. I'm already on state assistance for health insurance and food and that's about as far as I'm going to get with that. My next step is applying for SSD. I want to get off this roller coaster of hired to get fired. Everytime I lose a job it's freaking traumatic! I turn into a mess and get very depressed. Which btw this 150mg of wellbutrin isn't doing crap. I know that when meds aren't the answer, therapy is. But I'm not in a therapy program at the moment. I'm not sure but I should probably start that process with my pdoc office since it would be in the same building. So what do you do when meds only go so far? Cry? Let the freak out happen and deal with the pieces after they've fell? Because that's pretty much what I'm doing. It feels like my only option right now.

And if anyone is curious, I haven't abused meds in about 5 days. Whoo big deal. Well it is for me. However Friday is my refill date. For Vyvanse btw. Chances are I will get it refilled. But question is weather or not I will abuse it again. I'm not making any promises. And that's just being honest!


I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

[Victoria'smom]

Falling apart is okay right now. Aplly tomorrow for ssd and call pdoc office to make an appointment with a T. If not do go IP. It's not worth the suffering you're doing.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do to start the SSD process. Do I sign up online? I see tons of sites but they eventually are just some adds. I also saw a commercial for lawyer with a office near me and their web site says you can contact them from the get go. Maybe I should do that? I just want to make the decision that will make the process the fastest. I don't even know how I'm going to go through the whole process with the little income we have right now. The waiting, that is.



I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

If you are going to apply on your own go to SS.gov and you can start an application there. (You can also do this and still use an attorney).

It's impossible to know what will happen. I decided that I would apply on my own and get a lawyer if denied. 11 weeks later I was approved. For me the combination of several hospitalizations, running out short term disability, a history of losing several jobs, new onset and serious asthma/chemical sensitivities/allergies, and a long history of treatment with drs. who "knew this would happen and have documented toward it even while we did everything to avoid it" made the difference. IT also helped that I spent my career filling out functional evaluations for the government so I was able to assess my abilities pretty well.

But it seems impossible to predict who gets the fast-track (in my state at least if certain things appear in a computer screening that says there is no way you won't wind up approved then then you are approved without a full review, which is what happened to me).

[violetgreen]

File for unemployment because in many instances fired employees can get it. And the process is quicker than ssd. It's easy to say don't abuse your meds but you haven't done it for 5 days! That's an accomplishment.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by violetgreen

File for unemployment because in many instances fired employees can get it. And the process is quicker than ssd. It's easy to say don't abuse your meds but you haven't done it for 5 days! That's an accomplishment.

In my state you had to of had the job for least 6 months. I was lucky to make it to two .

My depression is making me very unmotivated right now. I need a swift kick in the ***. Losing the job and mentally withdrawaling from stimulants left my dopamine to nothing. Wellbutrin is supposed to boost dopamine but I know I need a higher dose. My bf keeps pushing me to "do something" and I'm like "hello I haven't even stopped crying yet!" But I know he means well. He's right tho. I have to get going on something. Last time I lost a job it turned into a 8 month depression and my house ended up like something out of hoarders. It was very bad. Probably one of the worst episodes I've had.



I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

[hopeless2015]

Big hugs, your reaching out for help, try not to be so hard on yourself right now

Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk

[violetgreen]

Yeah 6 months is a l o n g! time to hold a job when you're sick. Too bad your bf doesn't know other ways to help support you. I brought my husband to my t and pdoc appointments only once, that helped a little. Also, my daughters stepped up and told their dad he had to step up and be my caretaker (their words) but that helped a little too. So, you know from past episodes that it will take time to emerge. This is silly, but I had a 4 month slump and what helped me was really long walks, and trying every pie crust recipe and pie filling I could find. That helped. Try to be easy on yourself.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Hi RX Queen.
I think SSDI is a federal program so it's probably the same requirements.
I think the main points are having your Pdoc fill out forms correctly. Ask if they have other patients on SSDI to see if they're good at getting approvals.

Then hospital records. Find out if it fast tracts if you obtain the records and submit or they need to come directly from hospital.
I think there's even a forum on here for getting SSDI.
That's it. I'm not on it. But I know what it's like being depressed and not even wanting to get dressed.
Hey. I quit smoking. So I expect you to lay off the vyvance.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Thanks everyone! I need all the support I can get right now. Even if it's just a reply on a forum post!



I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!