[BeyondtheRainbow]

I can't believe that I signed the voluntary form and started my change from high-dose Seroquel to clozaril 3 weeks ago. Most of the hospital time is blurry and I'm still sleeping a lot since I got home. We're moving a lot of the med to night instead of half-day/half-night and hopefully that will help but I also just have a tired, beaten up body after being so sick for so long.

The Clozaril seems to be helping. I no longer think about dying constantly. I've been out of the house at least once every day this week (although 2 days were the dentist for fillings so not exactly FUN days). It feels calmer in my head and I no longer would meet the requirements for a mixed episode and the depression is getting better.

I'm taking it one day at a time and know that it is too soon to really know anything but at the moment it appears that this may be working. I really, really hope it is. But having any hope makes me know that it is doing something, as long as that something lasts.

[hopeless2015]

Sounds like your doing much better hugs to you!!

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[Ocean Swimmer]

I'm so glad you're home and out of the hospital.
You are still on some pretty high doses of other meds unless you haven't updated yet.

How did you end up on such a high dose of seraquel ? Just curious.

So your life is better now? I hope you have some peace of mind and some fun stuff to do.

You deserve it. You are an incredible person. Much love, Maxy

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Thanks. Yeah, those are my current doses. It's still a lot of meds. The hope is to get rid of toprimirate and possibly gabapentin and maybe klonopin (we have not discussed this much) if the clozaril works as well as it often does.

The seroquel dose happened because I had pretty much run out of meds. I've been on 40some meds in 71 combinations and meds just don't work well for me. Seroquel did but by the time I tried it (I worked with a pdoc who used it to snow people and I was terrified that it would mean being snowed myself so I was terrified to take it; then I finally did and wasn't snowed at all) it was pretty much my last option. So over the 9 years I was on it my dose crept up whenever I needed more medication and because my body is really bizarre with handling meds it never worked to go back down with the dose later.

My pdoc began warning me years ago that I might hit a point that clozaril was my only option or that I might run out of effective drugs completely for some time until new drugs were available. We never focused on this, just were aware.

This episode started last winter and increasing Seroquel didn't help. I went onto an old AP and developed movement disorder. I've had movement disorders several times and my pdoc doesn't want to try more old meds because my risk of another round is high.

Then we had a few months trying to get samples of a couple of meds I've either not tried or have tried but could try again. I can't afford these meds so needed samples until I could apply for assistance. That never worked out (and the meds weren't that likely to help) and so that's how I got here.

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

I'm so glad you're home and out of the hospital.
You are still on some pretty high doses of other meds unless you haven't updated yet.

How did you end up on such a high dose of seraquel ? Just curious.

So your life is better now? I hope you have some peace of mind and some fun stuff to do.

You deserve it. You are an incredible person. Much love, Maxy

I'm glad you're are feeling better rainbow, good to see you back.