[pirilin]

Maybe letting this out will bring some healing.
I'll vent without any particular order, since everything is affecting me the same.

We moved to the wrong town and specially the wrong part of town.
There is nobody in the streets to talk to.
We bought the wrong house. Too big for me to maintain.
It takes 5 miles to go to the supermarket.
I bought the wrong car. An old convertible and now I have dry eyes.
I bought a motorcycle and started chopping if off, beautiful bike btw,
and now it doesn't have lights. Mania at work.
I'm giving my wife 100 a month to pay for it. That's almost half my pension
We bought the wrong boat. With the wrong engine.
It sank. I fought with the seller for 45 days and at the end, my wife decided
to fix it. I wanted it junked.
That's really when my depression started.
The boat has tried to kill me twice. Once I fell and my head hit the dock.
The other day I came out of the dock in the wrong direction and it accelerated when I fell back and I hit my head too. 2 Propellers wasted.
I have to see these things every day, specially the boat. Since it can be seen from every window. It's in the canal in the backyard.
The house has tried to kill me twice too. Once coming out of the jacuzzi.
I slipped and hit the back of my head with it. Big gash blood didn't stop for like an hour. I was alone. My wife was visiting her family.
once I made the wrong turn at night and fell backwards in the shower and
broke 15 tiles with my back.
The house always has something breaking. Too long to enumerate.
I don't have a job. I don't have any money. My pension is a joke.
I can't get any help from the goverment because my wife makes money.
She got the money for the house out of her 401k the wrong way and we own 25k to the IRS.
Thegarage is full of junk from the businesses I had in hope to sell something and make a little money. I have to see my setbacks every day.
One of my kids and I don't talk to each other. The girl talks when is impossible to avoid. My third kid, a boy, 25 yrs old has a solution for me.
"Dad, go to Harbor Freight and buy a 1/2 in Tie down. Put it in your neck and pull". Very funny.
I only have a true friend and he's 200 miles away from here. We talk on the phone. He has a brand new rope, he says for me to hang from his mango tree.
The only solid thing in my life is my mother. She call me at 1:30 every day on the dot. But she's 101 yrs old. Another worry.
My wife tells me off like you would believe. Of course I know it's all my fault.

Physically, I have emphysema, one bad eye, almost no hair, almost no teeth,
bad hearing, my nose is cooked, I've wrinkles in my whole body from not exercising and now I have cold hands and cold feet.

I could go on and on, but I think that's enough for one session.
What therapist is going to fix me.

[pirilin]

I hope someone got something positive out of my misery.
Maybe things are not that bad for you, like you thought they were.

This has been very positive for me. I FINALLY TOOK A SHOWER!!!

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by pirilin

I hope someone got something positive out of my misery.
Maybe things are not that bad for you, like you thought they were.

This has been very positive for me. I FINALLY TOOK A SHOWER!!!

Things are looking up! Still no shower for me....

[pirilin]

Originally Posted by gina_re

Things are looking up! Still no shower for me....

It's not that hard, once you open the faucet. In fact, I felt better after.
Maybe the water, maybe feeling clean. Or the acomplishment.
I'm very tempted to start a thread of "Who didn't take a shower today".
Hahaha!!!. It will never happen. Too personal. Take care.

[ColeM1100]

Hi
So sorry to hear about your house and boat! The most concerning thing to me is your hitting your head like that, it sounds dangerous and I would see a doctor right away ASAP
It sounds like you've had a concussion or maybe it's something else maybe it's something simple you can get taken care of but I would go
P.S you should sell the bike I wouldn't want to give someone $100 of my pension all the time

[Ocean Swimmer]

Hi Perilin.
You're a worthy brave person. Did it help to write down your list?

Most bipolars have a similar list. I do.
Sometimes I think that's how our brains fall into madness. The list.

Last year my husband got tricked into paying someone he thought was from the IRS
$8000.00. He paid into someone else's acct here in Costa Rica. We can't get the money back. Then he paid twice for our prop taxes.

I usually take care of this stuff, but was in the hospital with the worst case of mania ever. I lost the ability to speak. Peed my hospital bed. ( they said). Gave me a diaper but wouldn't change it. ( my husband said) I was oblivious. Then the electric shock treatments.
So many I feel like I've lost 1/2 my mind.

Anyway. Back to you. I'm glad you found this web site. I enjoy your posts.

You are a fine person. I have a project list a mile long too.
So. Go outside in your yard today. Thank yourself for that shower.

I just came from Florida to renew my passport. I was in Hollywood. Couldn't believe how seedy the walk along the boardwalk was. All the businesses closed. Everything falling apart and vacant. The stores that were still open were filthy. Dirty Windows and floors. If that was t depressing I don't know what is!
Keep posting. We are friends here.

[pirilin]

Originally Posted by ColeM1100

Hi
So sorry to hear about your house and boat! The most concerning thing to me is your hitting your head like that, it sounds dangerous and I would see a doctor right away ASAP
It sounds like you've had a concussion or maybe it's something else maybe it's something simple you can get taken care of but I would go
P.S you should sell the bike I wouldn't want to give someone $100 of my pension all the time

Thank you for your concern. I went to the doctor for the 2nd hit. But went late.The scar in my forehead is permanent. The 1st one in the bathroom I never took care of. Now, the last one in the forehead too, is basically gone.
I think the one against the dock was the trigger for my depression.
I was hipomanic up that point. That's why I bought the bike. Maybe
even manic. I moved to another bedroom thinking of leaving my wife.

[pirilin]

Originally Posted by ColeM1100

Hi
So sorry to hear about your house and boat! The most concerning thing to me is your hitting your head like that, it sounds dangerous and I would see a doctor right away ASAP
It sounds like you've had a concussion or maybe it's something else maybe it's something simple you can get taken care of but I would go
P.S you should sell the bike I wouldn't want to give someone $100 of my pension all the time

I'm sorry, I replied to you before. Thanks again

[pirilin]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

Hi Perilin.
You're a worthy brave person. Did it help to write down your list?

Most bipolars have a similar list. I do.
Sometimes I think that's how our brains fall into madness. The list.

Last year my husband got tricked into paying someone he thought was from the IRS
$8000.00. He paid into someone else's acct here in Costa Rica. We can't get the money back. Then he paid twice for our prop taxes.

I usually take care of this stuff, but was in the hospital with the worst case of mania ever. I lost the ability to speak. Peed my hospital bed. ( they said). Gave me a diaper but wouldn't change it. ( my husband said) I was oblivious. Then the electric shock treatments.
So many I feel like I've lost 1/2 my mind.

Anyway. Back to you. I'm glad you found this web site. I enjoy your posts.

You are a fine person. I have a project list a mile long too.
So. Go outside in your yard today. Thank yourself for that shower.

I just came from Florida to renew my passport. I was in Hollywood. Couldn't believe how seedy the walk along the boardwalk was. All the businesses closed. Everything falling apart and vacant. The stores that were still open were filthy. Dirty Windows and floors. If that was t depressing I don't know what is!
Keep posting. We are friends here.

Hi Ocean,
Thank you for your kind words and understanding. I'm sorry for your loss.
I enjoy your posts very much too.
The list is not really complete. I omitted the dogs and the cat.
The dogs can't be walked because they don't know how to walk next to you.
So I have to pick up after them.
And the cat wakes me up 6 AM just 'cause. Like a rooster.
I should have made a detailed list. Maybe next time.

I haven't been in Hollywood in a long time. I'm originally from Miami.
It was a nice town full of retirees. Maybe all died?.
Or Miami sucked the life out of it. Miami is the modern New York now.
Be safe and thanks again.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I was born in Miami.
Mom went back to see her old house after taking a cruise.

She cried. All the fruit trees were dead. Door on one hinge. Car parked in front yard.
What's the saying? You can't go home ?