[Roaming_bird]

I'm new here, but I'm desperately looking for people who understand.

I have been diagnosed with everything under the sun from the time I was in graduate school (I'm 40 wonderful years old).

The ones that have stuck are BPD and major depressive order. Until now.

I've noticed highs and lows in my life, certainly. But as I get older, my highs are much more pronounced. As in, hypomanic.

Although when I was recently in the hospital in November, I came out with the diagnosis of Bipolar I. I can't remember why that was, but a few days before I was actually admitted, I took many benzos and alcohol and ambien. It was like I couldn't stop. I've never in my LIFE done this. I never even smoked weed, lol.

I went to the ER because I was semi suicidal and it was kind of an OD and kind of on purpose.

When I was in the ER, I was high, as in, mood high. I was talking all about my sex life and how these pills made me, umm, you know. Then I talked about some large animal in the room that no one else could see.

Somehow I talked my home, but a few days later I was back again. Only I was terribly depressed.

Meds is a post in itself, and I'm writing way too much. In a nutshell, I'm super manic right now, not BP1 though, and sort of scared. I can't stop myself from cleaning, calling people and telling them how much I love them, telling store clerks how amazing they are, and telling their managers how wonderful the employee is. I'm not doing anything dangerous, but I hate this feeling. I also love this feeling.

I've got to end, I could write a novel right now. I'm sorry.

[pirilin]

I went to a meeting yesterday and felt the power of expressing your feelings
to people who understand.
Welcome!!!. You're home now.

[Roaming_bird]

Originally Posted by pirilin

I went to a meeting yesterday and felt the power of expressing your feelings
to people who understand.
Welcome!!!. You're home now.

thank you!!

[Ocean Swimmer]

You sound like you are manic.
Please make sure to sleep as much as possible.
If they gave you Meds take them.
Please eat. Healthy too. And take vitamins.
If you need to, entrust your credit cards to someone for awhile. I once bought 200 Barbie dolls. I loved them madly for awhile. Now I could not care less.
Do you have a Pdoc ? Make an appt right away.

[Roaming_bird]

Originally Posted by pirilin

I went to a meeting yesterday and felt the power of expressing your feelings
to people who understand.
Welcome!!!. You're home now.

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

You sound like you are manic.
Please make sure to sleep as much as possible.
If they gave you Meds take them.
Please eat. Healthy too. And take vitamins.
If you need to, entrust your credit cards to someone for awhile. I once bought 200 Barbie dolls. I loved them madly for awhile. Now I could not care less.
Do you have a Pdoc ? Make an appt right away.

I am so manic. My sleep cycle is on and off. The only mood stabilizer I can tolerate is Lamotrigine, which my psychiatrist just increased to 200 twice a day. Luckily I don't spend, although I did spend $71 on two pair of pants today, but I talked to my dh first.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Tuesday.

I was going to call her, but there's really nothing she can do, right? She's also my therapist. I've only called her when I'm suicidal, not manic.

I can't slow down, and it's so frustrating but so lovely at the same time.

What I most need to be careful of is not calling or emailing people and telling them how much I really, REALLY love them, so much. Even store clerks. I've cried telling people how amazing they are. Seriously.

(taking deep breaths) I probably shouldn't post here, either. I'm so so so... manic. I drive myself nuts, much less you people.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Keep posting. We've all been there. Veterans.

We want to be your support.

[wiretwister]

Welcome .. you should fit right in ... I'm serving koolaid later come on by ..

[barbella]

Nice to meet you! Welcome!

[BlueInanna]

This sounds like me too right now. If your mind is racing too much and making you nuts, ask your doc for some medicine if you want something. When hypo I have to be careful of emotional triggers cuz it can flip bad, for me. My head is mush but spinning. I haven't been eating much. I balled my eyes out to Adele on my drive home from work. I guess I'm emotionally supercharged. It's horrible and I love it. My house is so clean. I love this extra energy. I hate how emotionally triggered and dark it can get in a moment though. I don't even know what else to do with myself right now.
But welcome!

[Roaming_bird]

Blue, so you've bawled while you're manic too? I was wondering what in the world was going on with me. I sobbed and sobbed, while being manicish.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

This sounds like me too right now. If your mind is racing too much and making you nuts, ask your doc for some medicine if you want something. When hypo I have to be careful of emotional triggers cuz it can flip bad, for me. My head is mush but spinning. I haven't been eating much. I balled my eyes out to Adele on my drive home from work. I guess I'm emotionally supercharged. It's horrible and I love it. My house is so clean. I love this extra energy. I hate how emotionally triggered and dark it can get in a moment though. I don't even know what else to do with myself right now.
But welcome!

This. Exactly.

[cashart10]

Welcome to PC.

Safe landing to you

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by Roaming_bird

Blue, so you've bawled while you're manic too? I was wondering what in the world was going on with me. I sobbed and sobbed, while being manicish.

Yes I sure do. Took me awhile to figure out what it was. I learned big time last night how I need to be very gentle and protective on myself when hypo/manic. Everything is finally great and supercharged but if a trigger pops up it turned into something very dark and not ok. Might be the agitated state that came along with it. Trying to keep it balanced so I don't have to sound the alarms. I'm not doing anything totally reckless. Except I just looked at tinder. Idk what I'm doing swiped yes when I meant no & then I have to tell them that. I could put in my bio, looking but not looking not even single but manic. Hopefully these meds knock me out soon and I forget I even said that.